Thought Filled Thursdays - Cultivating Gratitude

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
Psalm 116:7

In the year leading up to Justin’s death, I prayed many prayers for him. He was a troubled young man trying to find his way in a world that had left him fatherless and searching for an identity that would make him feel complete. Justin knew Jesus. He struggled every week with his mental illness and angry thoughts. He knelt at the altar and honestly reflected on and shared his pain.

It is almost impossible to imagine the pain of losing a child suddenly and traumatically the way most of us have. Yet, with Justin watching him self-destruct up close and personal, and fighting for every inch of his life was almost worse. I remember walking into church in October 2004. I was weary, we had just spent a week unraveling the mess of having to pick him up from the police for breaking curfew. We would learn that week that he had been sneaking out regularly, experimenting with alcohol and prescription medication all trying to turn off his mind. He sat shaking violently as tears were streaming down his face.

“Momma, I need help. I can’t do this anymore.”

It broke my heart. We had been hoping to get him help sooner, but he had been adamant. He didn’t want to be medicated or otherwise labeled as defective. He pretended to be normal while his life spun vigorously out of control. As I felt the tears stinging my eyes that day in church I said, “I don’t even know what to ask for anymore. Would you just pray for my son?”

A few hours later, my friend – and Pastor’s wife – came rushing up to me at the evening service. She thrust a paper in front of me and said, “Michelle, God has given me a word for Justin – It’s continue. You know, like Philippians 1:6 – God will continue the good work He began in him at salvation.”

We immediately went to the prayer room and knelt there hands tightly clasped praying for my prodigal son. We looked up ten or so Scriptures that we prayed over her adult prodigal and my teenage one. All had the word continue in them. We prayed hard, we prayed often, and we prayed believing. His life began to improve.

After the New Year rolled around and 2005 came in full swing, those prayers came more feverishly and more often. Our cry to God became more desperate. My son’s life began to spin again, first slowly and then into full blown mental, emotional and social issues that threatened to destroy my marriage and our family. It was more than I could take. I would lay on my bed at night and weep to the Lord - Crying out in anguish over my child. I would go to Justin in the night to lay hands on him and pray. I had him on prayer chain after prayer chain, as well as in the counsel and company of godly men. I searched Scripture and held fast. Then one night, as we concluded an exercise at Bible study where we were supposed to write our most ardent prayer request on an index card a revelation and a release came.

The instructions were to write out the request, hold it up to heaven and instead of continuing to pray that request over and over again, thank God for the answer by faith instead. I started that night and continued throughout the next few months. That day, as I made my way to the hospital certain of very little except that I needed God’s strength and peace to face whatever lay ahead I found myself praising God for little things… That my son was alive when I got to the hospital, for a family and church that loved us so, that God would ultimately have mercy on my son and provide the peace I would need to carry on. When he died I found myself praising God and thanking Him for the 17 years of life we had with him. My soul finds rest in God alone… He is my hope, my strength and my song.

My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. ~ Psalm 34:2

Thought Filled Thursdays - Powerful Beyond Measure

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
2 Peter 1:3 (NIV)

What does powerful beyond measure look like to you right now? In those early days of my grief I reasoned that the only way I could get out of bed everyday was because of the power of Christ at work in me. I knew that in and of myself I could do nothing good, noble or powerful. Yet, here I am holding on still – determined to live my life fully as God has purposed for me to do until He finally calls me home. How did I arrive here?

God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.(2 Corinthians 12:9) We serve and live in relationship with the power and atoning grace of God through His Son, Jesus Christ, and His Holy Spirit. I used to cringe when people looked at me as the source of strength and power in my life – as if by some power within me I willed myself to endure with perseverance, maintain hope and hold onto life because it was in and of me. I heard it many times: “You’re holding together so well, we almost forget what you’re going through.”

“You are so much stronger than I am – I don’t know what I would do.”

Honestly, I didn’t either. My worst confessed fear was that one of my children would die. I couldn’t imagine the pain or surviving that kind of loss. In truth, I did not want to survive that kind of loss. My confession was that if anything every happened to my children I would die. I would just die, too.

God, however, had other plans. I merely submitted to His Word, those plans and ultimately surrendered any control I thought I had in my life to Him. That is the amazing thing about God – submission on God’s terms is a paradox. He asks us to surrender and in surrender He empowers us beyond measure. Logically, naturally surrender would not empower us – it would give control and power to someone or something else. Yet, surrendering to God transfers our burden to Him and His power to us. Let that settle on you for a moment.

We must continue to live in the power and the calling of God upon our lives in spite of our present sufferings. We must rise above the suffering and live fully in the purposes of God for our suffering. But how?

Well, it starts with surrender. Admitting that there is nothing more that we ourselves can do to overcome the pain, the suffering and the temptations we face in this life. We have to surrender the lies we have been holding onto and the ways we try to stay safe and protect ourselves from risk and hurt. We have to come to the end of ourselves, the pride of our lives and fully depend on God for every aspect of our existence. It doesn’t make sense – but God told us it wouldn’t.

Through Isaiah the prophet God assures us that His ways will not make sense to us. His ways confound human nature and logic and leave us scratching our heads. When that came into my life three years ago, I did not have a clue what God was doing, but I was determined to find out. There were two promises I held onto – Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28. I believed with all my heart that God had a plan and a purpose for the aftermath of the death of my child and that His purpose would bring good to my life again and reveal His glory in immeasurable ways.

What did I do to receive this power beyond measure?
1. Laid down my expectations. I stopped claiming my entitlements. I asked for measures of blessings still, but I asked for the better virtue of God’s will. In doing so, I stopped limiting God’s power in my life and fully experienced His peace and His strength in spite of my pain.

2. I stayed connected through the body and through His Word – I couldn’t read a whole lot of new Scripture but I would let God give me a verse or two from my previous two years of study and I would focus on remembering those promises and those truths and examining how they were helping me through my loss. But most of all I had to cry out to and trust the Holy Spirit to bring me comfort and truth.

3. I had to let God show me how to fight His way because my way had never worked. By laying down my will and my way for what had happened God was released to work and act on my behalf – and His ways are not only higher – they are always better.

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NIV)

Thought Filled Thursdays - It's All Relative

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:1-3 (NIV)

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As I was preparing this post, I was looking for Scriptures that would be “relative” in nature. That is when Philippians 2 came to me. It is such a passage of hope for relationships. It says IF you have any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from his love, any fellowship with his Spirit… any tenderness and compassion… Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit, but consider others better than yourself. The great commandment, in Jesus words, is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength – and then the second – Love your neighbor as yourself. Loving those closest to us as we love our self – What does that look like?
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A few weeks ago I was listening to someone on the radio beating someone else down and using the “Ten Commandments” to do it. I suddenly had a revelation about the “Law” versus “Grace”
issue of the Old and New Testament or Covenants. You see, God instituted boundaries in the Ten Commandments that would ensure the two commandments that Christ referenced would be observed by all who are marked by the love of His covenant. His covenant is an everlasting covenant.
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In the Gospels, Jesus tells us He did not come to replace the law but to fulfill it. I could not get past that phrase – not to replace but to fulfill. Of course, the evidence is that He fulfilled the Law and its requirements by never violating them. He also fulfilled the purpose of the Law by providing atonement and an avenue for unrighteous man to have access to God without the penalty of sin. He did it all. He loved them all. He died for them all. Love your neighbor as yourself. For God so loved the World that He gave all.
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It was this fulfilling of the Law that makes a relationship with God possible. So why am I dwelling on this in a week when we are talking about boundaries, relationships and relating to our friends and family in spite of our grief. Because it is all relative, that’s why. Through Christ we have relationship with God and a higher call to relationship with one another. We are called to continue the fulfillment of the Law in our relationships through the power and love of Jesus Christ.
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That day as I listened to the radio personality beating up on a “fellow Christian” with the Ten Commandments and Scripture – It struck me funny. How many times does Scripture say we are to be unified in Spirit and to love one another? How often does it say that love covers a multitude of sins? Yet, here is this self proclaimed Evangelist who is sarcastically tearing other preachers and teachers to shreds for the things they are doing and saying in their ministries on public radio.
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It just lay all over me as I muttered, “They preach the Law, but the Law is not at work in them. The Law fulfilled by grace.”
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I was not angry, nor was I disgusted – I was moved with compassion for people who try so diligently to keep the letter of the Law and miss the grace that is at work in it. The Law is full of grace. When God established boundaries for His people those boundaries were designed to allow His people to reflect two things: 1.) Their heart to love Him, and 2.) His heart to love us. The first four are about how we are to express our love and devotion to God, and the latter six are an expression of God’s love for mankind through His people. The beauty is that by not stealing, lying, murdering, committing adultery and coveting your neighbor’s things, as well as honoring your father and mother – we find ourselves at the center of selfless acts of love that allow us to administer grace instead of judgment. Grace at work in the Law and fulfilled on the cross through Christ Jesus.
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It is through the fulfilling of the perfect Law of God that redemption came, and it is through that same perfect law that redemption of our grief and our sorrow will come. When we institute boundaries in our relationships that exemplify our love for God and His love for mankind – specifically for those we are in relationship with we perpetuate the fulfillment of the Law and express the Gospel in love, truth and mercy.

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Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. ~ Psalm 112:4 (NIV)~

Thought Filled Thursdays: Trauma, Triggers, Troubles... Truth to Stand On

I wanted to write a post about trauma, triggers, things that trouble us and some truth to stand on in the days to come. I've long said that there are three primary things that got me through my grief: Truth, Talking and Tears. I have reached a place where the tears mean and come for different reasons than they once did, and I must admit that I had a period of time where it felt as if I couldn't cry another drop of wet sorrow over my son - even if I wanted to. I just felt all cried out. Still... The tears are important, as are the things that triggered them and the truth that I discovered in them when I talked about my loss, my God and the places I had been with Justin since we began this journey together some 20 years ago..

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Tammy wrote a terrific post about things that trigger her memories, her tears and her to work through her grief. Be sure to read about it here. It is such a reminder about the importance of allowing your heart and body to fully express grief as it comes in your life.

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I am a visual/audio person. Images and music tend to have a significant impact on me for some reason - so as I was beginning to write this post a few scenes came to mind and along the way that song at the end landed on me with a deep sense of truth tucked away inside of it.

(**Tissue warning... Tissue Warning... Sobbing scenes ahead.**)

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The first two video clips are from Terms of Endearment staring Shirley McClaine and Deborah Winger. This movie was produced in 1983. I remember being a high school student when my brother and I hosted a sleepover for all our neighborhood friends. Four girls and four boys were sitting in my bedroom floor watching this movie in the middle of the night. All four girls were blubbering and wiping their noses in a full on ugly cry while the boys looked on in awe at all that estrogen charged emotion.

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For me, Shirley McClaine fighting for her daughter was like those last few days of Justin's life when it felt like the world had stopped and all I wanted was to take care of my son and make sure everyone responded with his best interest at heart.

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For many days no one would tell us what was happening with my Jay-bird. He lay in that bed, his blood pressure and temperature were looking really good. With his summer tan on his face he looked so peaceful sleeping there. But, his cranial pressure - the indicator for the severity of the swelling on his brain - just kept rising. On the seventh day, Monday, August 22nd, everything in my life felt upside down. The doctors had come in early while I was away and my dad was with him. I had returned home overnight to go to my own doctor and take my daughters to school. They said that one of his pupil's had stopped responding to light which could mean that he was taking a turn for the worst. My dad called and I prayed. "Lord, please... just let him be alive when I get there."

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I had told the doctors for days that we wanted the complete, unvarnished truth. By noon, when the neurosurgeon's had avoided my son's room and talking to me for the second time I was a frantic mess. I was crying, shaking and ANGRY. I felt much of what Shirley McClaine expresses in this scene - except my son didn't need a shot for pain. I needed answers about his condition - answers no one seemed willing to provide.

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The social worker assigned to be our advocate during Justin's eight day ordeal at the hospital advised me to call the doctor's office and ask them to help me. I went back to the nurse's station. Within minutes I was on the line with a Physician's Assistant who had not even seen my son in the hospital. He placed me on hold and reviewed my son's file and films. I felt like I had been there forever when he came back on and said, "Ma'am, though I have not examined your son I would say that we need to do a test and I will order it for tomorrow or the next day. This test will measure the blood flow to your son's brain."

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I already sensed what the results of that test would be... Still, at least I had some sort of answer to what the doctor's were thinking. He assured me that we would have definitive answers about my son's condition after this test was completed. I asked my husband to call the elders and have them come along with our pastor and family. I did not want to deal with people - I just wanted to have those who'd loved us longest and those who had been there for my son during the most difficult months to pray with us over him before we released him to God. Apparently, Scott did not convey that message. That night more than 150 people arrived at the hospital and my father "ran the tour." When the nurses gave him the heads up that he could bring as many people back as he could - four at a time - he began walking out and leading people back to the room for five minute visits where he explained all the details of the monitors and held onto his hope that my son was going to live.

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I, on the other hand, had been sitting on my cot while his nurse, Donna, checked his pupils as was the hourly routine. When she looked up with discouraged eyes that showed me a heart aching for our family all she could do was whisper. "We've lost his other pupil."

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The finality of those words lay over me like a thick, suffocating blanket. My son had slipped away. I felt the warm wet tears that had been mine for days as Justin's condition hit peaks and then dove into valleys ... "That's not good is it?"

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She shook her head, came to my side and sat and held me in her arms as I cried. She wept, too. It touched me in the deep places of my heart the way the staff of the hospital loved on us and met with us in our need. They took good care of my baby and my family during those awful days when tragedy visited us and death consumed one of our own.

These next scenes mark out some of how I felt on August 23, 2005. Such peace in the passing, but then terrible angst. One of my prayers that week was for God to make the outcome sure. Either He was going to heal and restore my son or He wasn't this side of heaven. By that last day, my heart cry was not to bring my son back in a broken state, but to make it absolutely certain and to leave no doubt about God's will. When the doctor's told us that they were sure his brain stem had hemorrhaged on his way back from the last test and they would be in to turn off his ventilator so we should gather our family... Again I felt peace mixed with deep sorrow.

Certainty.

There was not absolution for me until they turned off the machines and there was no gasp of air, no shaking, nothing that suggested my son was still in that body. He had slipped away quietly while no one was looking. He tread the path to heaven with Jesus by his side and I knew with absolute certainty that he would never awaken to me on earth again. The sobs of death consumed me as that truth settled into my life for the first time. I bathed his body, held him tight and left him to the medical examiner. He still is my son.
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The Steel Magnolias funeral scene has always reduced me to tears. The things that M'lynn expresses at the funeral reflected my own heart about the death of my child. She recounted the last minutes with "there was no gasp, no tremble - just peace" She said her husband couldn't take it, he left. Her son-in-law couldn't take it... he left. That men, "they're supposed to be made of steel or something, but they couldn't take it... I was there when that beautiful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life."
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I felt all that and more in those hours leading up to and out of my son's death. I recently asked my husband where he was standing when they turned off Justin's machines. His answer? By the door. He spent little time in the room with Justin and I, barely able to stand the "frankenstein-esque" monitor in his skull and all the bleating machines and wires that ran to and from his body.

Since I've given you some heavier scenes to contemplate earlier I thought I would drop this next one in because it makes us laugh. It so accurately expresses the full range of anger, emotional tumult and that uncanny role of humor in our tears that can come in times of great tragedy.

This final scene was met with a round of cheers as my daughters and I watched this serial drama for teenagers. One Tree Hill is on the CW (formerly the WB) each week and we've followed it off and on from its inception.

This scene is between the original group of One Tree Hill who are now adults and teachers in the life of a teenager who was killed when he accidentally walked in on an armed robbery at a gas station. I include it because there is truth to stand on in these lines... and it is truth hard to find in the entertainment industry these days. When others are crying out that self-awareness and getting in touch with your inner child or nature, and society says we create our own realities... Here is this little serial drama that does not get it right half the time declaring the truth for all to see. Thank God He uses even the mundane to reveal Himself in small ways.

There's an old saying "God will not give us more than we can bear." But, as I read the Scriptures I hear the Holy Spirit saying something fresh in 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." (NKJV, emphasis mine)
God is faithful to keep us from being pushed beyond our limits. In and of our own power and strength we have nothing, Scripture tells us that His strength is made perfect in our weakness - meaning it is proven powerful in the weakest, most devastating moments of our lives. When I read 1 Corinthians 10:13 it speaks this to me: "God will not give us more than HE can bear." That passage says that with God I can withstand any trial, any suffering, any temptation and overcome because He makes the way.
Paul reports in his epistles as having been afflicted by a thorn in the flesh that He prayed three times to have removed. But, rather than removing the thorn, God provided him the grace to endure the tempest and the storm. God will provide the same for you. He is the God of all comfort. He sustains those who are weak and hurting. He comforts those who suffer and mourn and He gives grace and strength to those who feel as if they cannot go on. He causes us to stand. We have a Rock in Jesus Christ upon which to STAND FIRM. So .... my friends, Stand. When you think you'll give up. Stand. When you're down on you're luck. Stand. Get up... Can't you hear Him saying, Get up and Stand with Me in this. He wants you to stand.

Stand
(As Sung by Rascal Flatts)
"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright
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[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
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On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
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Then you Stand,
Then you stand
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Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on,
keep holding on
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[Repeat Chorus]
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Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh...
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[Repeat Chorus]

With my love and prayers,

Michelle

How are you doing?

We are doing well. Living a new dream. Restoration and healing came in this year over grief and opened the door for other areas to begin to recover in our family life.

God is doing such an amazing work.

How are you all doing?

Please do leave a comment and be greatly encouraged. I am going to be back and writing again. I hope you find that God moves and opens the doors of healing in your life soon. May His mercy be renewed for you every single day. (Lamentations 3)

"...AND the days of your mourning shall come to an end." Isaiah 60:20 (my paraphrase)

Healing is a Choice

Our pastor, Robert Morris, taught an extensive series on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5 recently at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. When he delivered his message on Matthew 5:4, he raised a question that begs asking in this context:

What if we all grieved over our sin and what it cost God the way we grieve over the death of those we love?

I think about that each time I consider God's sacrifice against my own son's death. Could I possibly view it in any other way? Placing my son's death against the backdrop of the cross leaves me with a heart that cries out to God, "There is no comparison, Lord. You paid the higher price."

I believe when my son died, God gave me a choice, just as He has done since He first created Adam and Eve in the garden. You may be asking yourself, What kind of choice is that?

It's the choice every one of us who suffer grief and loss must make, and I am so grateful that when August 23, 2005 came to my door - I had His perspective in my heart and not just my own. If I had been left only to my emotions, my responses and my devices... I might have just thrown myself against the machines, never asked for a test and be pining away in a hospital room watching my son's withering body - all dead except the life being pumped into it by medication and machine... and I might have yet to say goodbye to him.

I thank God every single day that I was able to see Justin's death in light of eternity and in light of His mercy and grace.

New Life Ministries has a book called, "Healing is a Choice." And, I believe that this applies broadly - we must be willing to submit what hurts to God and allow Him to minister to our pain and our suffering in His mercy and grace. We must choose the Healing and Grace of God - He gives it freely, but He is such a gentleman that He never forces His will or His way on anyone. Any person who comes to God comes to Him by their free will and their faith in who His Word declares Him to be and what His promises tell us He will do. He alone is the comforter, the healer and the lover of our souls.

In the depth of this kind of pain and despair we may find ourselves unable to even pray or read His Word. At times we may think the future is just as void and empty as our arms are without ouou loved one to hold. We may even think there is no longer a future to live for us. We are just destined to exist and survive without joy, without hope and without love because our hearts have been so broken in our loss.

God's Word tells us we are not just survivors, we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. There is life to be had and lived again, the death of those we love is not the end of life itself, just an opportunity to live it in a different light.

I believe that God's Word promises us something so different than just existence - Jesus said He came to bring us life, life to the full. I have seen that promise at work in my life and witnessed it in the grief of others.

Tony Dungy, head coach of the NFL's Indianapolis Colts who won the Super Bowl in recent years, lost his oldest child, James, to suicide in December, 2005. All the while Coach Dungy was leading one of the most celebrated teams in NFL history - he was suffering the worst agony one can imagine... He was missing his son.

Coach Dungy's loss came on the heels of my own loss. I remember barely being able to identify his loss because my own grief overwhelmed me. I could scarcely handle my own feelings much less process the tragedy in other people's lives - especially people I had no occasion to truly know.

At the 19th Annual Athletes in Action Super Bowl Breakfast on February 4, 2006, Tony Dungy delivered an emotional and inspiring speech to the crowd who gathered for breakfast that day leading up to the biggest football game of the year. He spoke of many things, but shared for the first time publicly what his son's death taught him.

Here are a few quotes from that speech:

Of his son, James, he said:

“He was a Christian and is today in heaven. He was struggling with the things of the world and took his own life. People ask how I could come back to work so soon. I’m not totally recovered, I don’t know if I ever will be, it’s still ever-painful...”

I can so relate to Coach Dungy's feelings and statement about his son's death, faith and desire to move forward with life. It still hurts the deepest places of my heart to think of Justin in a place where I can't hold him, talk to him, hear him laugh and see him live. But, at the same time it brings me great comfort and joy to know he is safely kept in the loving presence of our God for eternity and when my time comes to enter those pearly gates - my son will be among the cloud of witnesses who usher me in and welcome me home. A great reunion with our loved ones who have gone before and the ultimate reconciliation with our Heavenly Father who has been moving us toward that very day since time began.

Of His son's death Coach Dungy shared this:

“If God had talked to me before James’ death and said his death would have helped all these people, it would have saved them and healed their sins, but I would have to take your son, I would have said no, I can’t do that.

“But God had the same choice 2,000 years ago with his Son, Jesus Christ, and it paved the way for you and me to have eternal life. That’s the benefit I got, that’s the benefit James got, and that’s the benefit you can get if you accept Jesus into your heart today as your Savior.”

And Coach Dungy has so eloquently expressed the truth of our God in beautiful godly perspective. In our flesh, it is hard for us to fathom why children die before they have lived a full life, why murder, suicide and premature death are factors in our Christian life - why is the price so high? We just want our loved ones back, our hearts to mend and normal--or something like it-- to return to our lives.

Not one of us would do what God has done - willingly give up our child to save the lives of others. But, God loves us that much - can we not love Him in return in spite of our pain?

At a "life celebration" earlier this year for a 2 year old who drowned in her family's pool, the mother said, "To whom much is given, much is required." And, this to me is where the truth of God's comfort comes into our grief and our lives as the bereaved. We must view our losses in light of eternity, of Kingdom living and with the cross as the setting for our present sufferings.

To give us some perspective I have drawn on some verses of Scripture that I pray will not only give us hope, but give us a new desire - an opportunity to do more than just exist and survive the death of our loved one. I pray that this will give you the desire to live - truly live again in the comfort, peace and mercy of our God by extending that comfort, peace and mercy to others as He wipes the tears from your eyes.

Salve For Our Wounded Souls

Considering the following verses of Scripture:

"he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken." ~ Isaiah 25:8 (NIV)

"The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." ~
Isaiah 51:11 (NIV)

"and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." ~
Isaiah 35:10 (NIV)

"But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23 But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For he "has put everything under his feet." Now when it says that "everything" has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all." ~ 1 Corinthians 15:20-28 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them Iby the cross." ~ Colossians 2:13-15 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." 5 He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." ~ Rev 21:4-5 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

That term in Colossians 2:14 for "canceled" and in Revelation 21:4 for "wipe" is the Greek Word

exaleipho. Colossians 2:14 is translated more literally in The Complete Word Study New Testament (by AMG Publishers, Spiro Zodhaiates, ed.) as "blotted out" or "wipe away" in Revelation 21:4. That word in the Greek is a combination of two Greek words:

Ek - which means "out," and aleipho - which means "to anoint." The New Spirit Filled Life Bible (NKJV) (Hayford, ed., Thomas Nelson Publishers) explains the definition this way: "...to wipe out, wipe off, wash. Used metaphorically, the word signifies a removal or obliteration, whether of sins (Acts 3:19), or writing (Colossians 2:14), of a name (Revelation 3:5), or of tears (Revelations 21:4).

Let that settle down on you a minute. As God cleans away our tears and washes our faces removing the marks of grief in its season, He anoints us with His Spirit. If the Scripture is true which is found in Luke 12:48, then we must weigh the true purpose in our suffering or else it is all for nothing.

I submit this passage to you in context:

"The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43 It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44 I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45 But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers. 47 "That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." ~Luke 12:42-48 (NIV)

I found this commentary on the passage Luke 12:42-48 at Word of Truth Radio:

"The main idea here is that we are accountable for the knowledge, resources, abilities, etc. that God has blessed us with. If we have been given much, then He expects that much more from us. The good news is that all of these blessings come from the Lord and He realizes that humans are not perfect and that we can't do anything right without His help (John 15:5), but we can do all things through Jesus Christ as He strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). So let's ask the Lord to give us His wisdom and Spirit so that we can be faithful stewards over what He has entrusted to us. "And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming."(1 John 2:28)"

If the truth is that when God wipes away our tears in His comfort that we are to receive that as an anointing to minister to others who are hurting as we do - then how should we respond? What will be held accountable for?

I often say that with great suffering comes a great anointing. King Saul of Israel (1 Samuel) received a great anointing to be the first King of all of Israel. Yet, he abused that anointing, even ran from it at first. He did not do as the Lord had bid him, He did not honor God with the anointing and God removed it from him. What will you do with the anointing God is giving you through the suffering of grief?

Mary, the mother of Christ, suffered much the way you or I have in our losses. She knew He was God's Son, but did that change her suffering as she watched her son tried and crucified as a criminal. Did it suffer her any less to know He was God's Son when He died there before her eyes? Did she have any less questions than you or I about why death came that day and why it had to hurt so bad to fulfill the call of God on her life? Mary was not divine, nor god. She was a woman of flesh and blood, limited and emotional just like you or I. Her son may have come back to assure those who loved Him He would indeed return again, but she still lived out the rest of her days in teh agony of separation from her firstborn child.

How did Mary live out those days?

We find her in Acts 1:13-14:

" When they arrived, they went upstairs to the room where they were staying. Those present were Peter, John, James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James. 14They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers." (NIV)

There she was among the apostles and the women who had traveled with and ministered to the needs of her son, even with her own sons she was among them praying and worshipping God. She chose life.

Mary did not give up when her life did not take shape the way she had planned, when it resembled more of a curse than a blessing. She made the choice to live on in her son's legacy, the Legacy of Christ. Mary chose to believe in the God whom she served, even in the death and pain of loss that came with surrendering her firstborn trusting more in the purposes of God than her own ability to understand.

Come, On... Sweet Friends... Let's live on in Christ, trusting our God. Our children's legacy did not have to die with them - they are carried forward in the lives of those who loved them, who tell their story and declare the praise of God so merciful that He meets us in our mourning, speaks to our grief and loves us through the most painful circumstances we could ever experience. He is God, our comfort, our strength and our ever present help in times of trouble. Trust Him, live on in His glory!

Grieving From God's Perspective

Natalie Grant sings a song written by Krista Wells called “Held.” The song is about a family who loses a child just a few months old. Toward the end of the song, the writer delivers this exhortation: “Can we not wait for one hour, watching for our Savior? This is what it means to be held…”

I don’t know what that means to you, but it has driven me again and again to place my loss against the backdrop of the cross only to find my suffering pales in comparison to that of my Lord in response to my sin.

Scripture and Christ, Himself, assures us that this life will be filled with sufferings, trouble and pain of many kinds (see Jn. 16:33). I beg to differ with anyone who says that strong Christians do not suffer loss the way others do. Scripture does more to confirm grief’s necessity in our lives and the fact that grief and loss will ultimately benefit us. (Jer. 29:11, Ro. 8:18, 28, 2 Co. 1:7, Php. 3:10, 1 Pet. 2:19)

Grief can strengthen, equip and more importantly give us a more intimate and more personal relationship with the heart of God.

Grief over sin and man’s spiritual death led God to send His Son, willingly, to the cross. For God grief began over the loss of relationship with His creation and ended in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. (Gen. 6:6, Jn. 3:16) Through the cross, God delivered to mankind the overcoming power of resurrection. (Eph. 1:18-20).

If you have been asking yourself if you can still trust God, I live to tell you “YES! You can.” He has a plan and a purpose for your life and your pain. The question that now begs to be answered is will you allow God to redeem your Loss and Suffering as He redeemed His own – with the backdrop of the cross?

“18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,” ~ Ephesians 1:18-20 (NKJV)

Lord Have Mercy...

* Do you find yourself in the midst of a time when your eyes cannot focus on the daily details of life much less where God is in the middle of all your pain? Yes/No and explain.

* How have you found grief to be physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting?

* What helps you to get through those times?
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As I weighed these questions, I thought about how the early stages of grief consumed my life. Avoidance, denial, physical illness, forgetfulness, mental and emotional exhaustion. It took me back to those early days just after the accident.
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The prayer of my heart those long and tedious hours sitting watching the numbers progressively rise as my son's brain continually swelled while his body lay still and looked quite normal to me. He appeared to be asleep, his summer tan still tinting his arms and cheeks. I whispered to him the second day as I swabbed his body with a soft white wash cloth.

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"Justin, we need you to rest, baby. Get well, don't fight - don't worry about us, just rest. We're all here, we love you and we need you back."

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I found a scab in his right ear and used the wet cloth to wipe as much of the dried blood away. Thinking it was merely the remaining blood from his head wound, I wiped at it a little too hard and he pulled his head away. It was the first sign of life I had seen since he had been sedated right after surgery on Monday evening. A few moments later as I washed his face, my hand brushed his eyelashes and they fluttered just a bit. Perhaps an involuntary response, but a sign of life just the same. Just enough for this momma to hang onto her hope.

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The next morning I came in to find the nurse was ignoring my son's rising brain pressure number and not talking to the doctors about it at all. I was upset by her lack of concern from my son's condition and made a promise to my son as I stood next to his bed.

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"Momma's here, baby, and I'm not going anywhere. They are going to have to run me out of here to get rid of me. About ten minutes later, they did. The full rotation staff came in and asked me to wait in the waiting room until they finished their exam. "I kissed his forehead and told him I would be right back."

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When I returned a half hour later, the nurse was busy trying to settle him back in. I was still holding on to the prognosis that some who were injured as bad as my son had awakened from worse injuries to return to normal lives. I wanted a miracle for my son.

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The nurse looked at me and said, "I don't know what happened, but as soon as you left all his numbers went off the charts!"

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I started laughing, "That's my son. I promised him I would not leave him unless you made me leave. Then a few minutes later I told him I was leaving. He went nuts because he thought I broke my promise."

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More hope, more life being seen. My son was in there, somewhere. I sang to him, bathed him, talked with him and sat beside him praying. That same night the nurse who had left him so "uncared" for the night before returned and I kept my promise. I stayed right by his side all night long. They moved him to a private room and he had a couple of good days. But, by Sunday evening, things were progressively growing worse.

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After they moved him to the private room I prayed differently. I spent all those hours in that room on my roll-a-way cot staring at the numbers watching him grow more and more still. The ventilator pumped a breath full of oxygen into his body rhythmically, the monitors beeped in time to his heartbeat and his brain pressure number slowly and steadily began to rise.

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The head nurse shared with me that we could be in the hospital with him in a coma for years and though there was a chance he would awaken and recover... We needed to be prepared for him to wake up in any state of disrepair, including the chance that he might not awaken at all. In that moment, as I considered that my life-loving, mischievious, wild at heart son might have to live the rest of his life as a child in a man's body... My heart and my prayer changed.

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Where I had asked for a miracle all those hours before, now I pled for mercy.

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"Dear Lord God, You can heal Him and if it is Your will - restore Him Lord, give us a miracle. But, God if he is not going to be able to live his life fully and enjoy it - then, Lord, please have mercy on my son and give me peace to accept it. In Jesus name I ask these things, Amen."

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My eyes filled with tears, my body growing wearier with sorrow... All I could think was that God was waiting for my baby if he didn't survive. I blessed my heart as the presence of God and His Holy Spirit filled the room in those last few days. You could sense and feel His presence at work comforting and ministering to my son's spirit as well as those of us who were preparing to say goodbye. I asked one final thing: "Lord, make is certain. If my hope is in Heaven, then leave no doubt." My son's brain hemorraghed sometime between 3:00 and 5:00 PM on Tuesday, August 23, 2005. Doctors called him officially brain dead at 5:00 PM in that same room where I had prayed for mercy, I also surrendered my son.

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It broke my heart to say goodbye, and as I left the building I remember being so weary of the hospital and the waiting. There was some relief that we now knew what to do next. But, the sorrow would encompass me in the months ahead. I would even grow sick, unable to cope with the simplest of tasks. I would forget to pay the bills I paid every month like the rent and phone. I would function in a realm of normalcy but all of it seemed to lack something vital - my heart.

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The funeral came and I cried the many tears we do in such a time as this. I remember feeling so lost as we returned to the church after the graveside service. I sat staring off into space, alone at the table without so much as a thought in my head. I was numb, exhausted and I had cried every last tear I could muster. I didn't even eat as I recall. My friends came over and pulled me to a table to themselves. There we sat and they told me funny stories that brought laughter in the moment but sadness later as I cried my heart out on the way back to my cousin's house where we had stayed since the day of the accident. I found a quiet couch in the back of the house and lay my body down to rest. I slept for hours undisturbed. I awoke to a dream and for many months I watched the doors and the horizon for any sign that my son would come home. My heart would ache, my arms grow weary of being empty, and I longed to hear his laughter and raspy voice just one more time. I wanted him back so badly and I would sit at his grave and ask God not to allow me to make him an idol.

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Somehow, I found my way through the weary, brokeness of sorrow to a place where the sun shines brighter and the trips to the cemetery are fewer and farther between. I can laugh without guilt, I can love without regret and though I still miss him in big ways... I know that someday we will stand in the presence of God together and bask in His glory as a family once again!

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He is not lost to me, just in the safest keeping I could ask for - resting in the arms of grace at the foot of the Throne of God. Heaven is a glorious place and if I cannot have him with me here, I can be okay with God having him there. To Him be the Glory.

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Salve for our wounded souls:

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Today as we think about the mercy we need for our weary and tired souls, let us look ahead to a place of total healing, total love and total grace: Heaven.

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Revelations (NKJV)

Chapter 22

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And he showed me a pure river of water of life,

clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God

and of the Lamb.

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2 In the middle of its street, and on either side

of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits,

each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree

were for the healing of the nations.

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3 And there shall be no more curse, but

the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it,

and His servants shall serve Him.

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4 They shall see His face, and

His name shall be on their foreheads.

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5 There shall be no night there:

They need no lamp nor light of the sun,

for the Lord God gives them light.

And they shall reign forever and ever.

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6 Then he said to me,

"These words are faithful and true."

And the Lord God of the holy prophets sent His angel

to show His servants the things which must shortly take place.

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7 "Behold, I am coming quickly!

Blessed is he who keeps the words of

the prophecy of this book."

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8 Now I, John, saw and heard these things.

And when I heard and saw, I fell down to worship

before the feet of the angel who showed me these things.

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9 Then he said to me, "See that you do not do that.

For I am your fellow servant, and of your brethren

the prophets, and of those who keep

the words of this book. Worship God."

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10 And he said to me, "Do not seal the words of

the prophecy of this book, for the time is at hand.

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11 He who is unjust, let him be unjust still;

he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; he who is righteous,

let him be righteous still; he who is holy, let him be holy still."

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12 "And behold, I am coming quickly,

and My reward is with Me, to give to

every one according to his work.

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13 I am the Alpha and the Omega,

the Beginning and the End,

the First and the Last."

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14 Blessed are those who do His commandments,

that they may have the right to the tree of life,

and may enter through the gates into the city.

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15 But outside are dogs and sorcerers and

sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters,

and whoever loves and practices a lie.

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16 "I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you

these things in the churches. I am the Root and

the Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star."

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17 And the Spirit and the bride say,

"Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!"

And let him who thirsts come.

Whoever desires, let him take

the water of life freely.

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18 For I testify to everyone who hears the

words of the prophecy of this book:

If anyone adds to these things,

God will add to him the plagues

that are written in this book;

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19 and if anyone takes away from the words

of the book of this prophecy, God shall take

away his part from the Book of Life, from the holy city,

and from the things which are written in this book.

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20 He who testifies to these things says,

"Surely I am coming quickly." Amen.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

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21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

June 10, 2008 - Prayer Requests

PLEASE: Forgive my late posting. Yesterday, gloriously was my oldest daughter's High School graduation and we were busy, busy, busy. Please pray and respond to this week's verse of Scripture for Thought Filled Thursdays.

This week I am asking for prayer for the meeting I have with church pastors regarding my grief/transformation group for Bereaved Mothers on June 19th and June 26th. Please pray for favor, for our ideas and desires to be in sync. Also, pray for our families finances and for God to bless and restore us from the years the locusts have eaten.

Lord, I ask that you be mighty in the circumstances of those who come to read and learn and share their stories here. I ask Lord, that You would find us faithful to our calling and that You would bring comfort, peace and love to those who are hurting over the loss of their children this week. Lord, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. I pray none of us would find ourselves making idols of our children or Heaven and so being distracted from the Comforter and the God of all Comfort who brings forth healing and joy for the ashes and pain of death. You alone are God and we praise You both in the good times and the bad. In Jesus Name we ask these things, Amen.

Please consider the following verse of Scripture and how it reflects the season of grief that you are in:

* Do you find yourself in the midst of a time when your eyes cannot focus on the daily details of life much less where God is in the middle of all your pain? Yes/No and explain.

* How have you found grief to be physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting?

* What helps you to get through those times?

I was left alone...

I prepared this week's post early since I have much to do this weekend! Be Blessed! I'm praying for you all!

As a grieving mother, I felt utterly alone. I remember in those first few weeks after Justin's death, Scott or I visited our family doctor at least five or six times. I to get more medication to deal with the stress I might be feeling, and Scott for his annual dose of allergy induced upper respiratory infection. I remember Dr. Hoover's word to the two of us the day Scott went in for his appointment.

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"Remember, men and women grieve differently. Give yourself some room and some time. Be patient with each other."

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Later, when I would go in for an individual appointment he would relay to me his own personal grief and how difficult it was for he and his wife during that time.

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"Men often feel like they have to be strong for their wives. They don't know what you need from them and they don't know how to respond to you."

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It was a sobering and defeating thought, but a much needed message. What Dr. Hoover didn't warn me about was the dream I was going to have in those early weeks. A nightmare really. I have had two nightmares and a couple of comforting dreams since Justin's death nearly three years ago, but truthfully I didn't know what to do with those first two very painful and realistic nightmares.

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In the first, I found myself sitting in the floor of my bedroom at home holding the cold, dead body of my 17 year old son. As I sat there weeping uncontrollably trying to pull him more and more into my lap, I noticed that my children and my husband were continually walking through the room and around the house. They even stepped over us, but no one acknowledged what I was doing. No one seemed to noticed how desperately I needed to take care of my son.

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I woke up as the vision of my dead son laying in my arms continued on the screen in my mind. In my nightmare I sat in the floor screaming at my family, "Would somebody please just help me take care of him?"

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I am not even kidding or exaggerating when I tell you that I woke up not only angry, but loaded for bear! I bolted up in my bed and immediately swung my clenched and shaking fist meeting my husband in the shoulder and startling him from his sleep. He barely had time to groggily respond before I jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom to weep my eyes out.

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After that morning of anger and sorrow all mixed up in my heart and my head, I found myself growing with great intensity more and more angry. The object of my fiery anger: my husband.

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Why?

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I still don't really know, but I do know that I came to call those periods of rage and anguish my "irrational" fits of anger. As I said in my introductory post, I learned what to do in those moments. I left the building. I just would disappear for a little while and get my head and my heart back on track. In those moments I needed to be alone.

Those first nine months of my grief, I hardly knew what to think much less to ask for... All I wanted was to keep those around me from feeling as bad as I did. I felt as if no one on earth could either understand or relate to how I felt.
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Those months were filled with well-meaning and loved friends and family offering their advice, their comfort and their services to me. All much to no avail. Nothing helped. One evening I sat at my computer IMing an "Internet pen pal" when I got an email. It was from a young woman I attended church with, worked with and mentored through women's ministry. Her words: "I need to help you, you need me to help you... Tell me what to do to help you."
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My emotions tipped the Richter scale as I responded in as nice a way as I could muster. In short, there are some parts of my journey that I will have to make alone, some parts that are intended for me to share with others and some parts that are still even hard for me to imagine at a time like this. I wrote from my heart: "What I need is for people not to tell me what I need right now. This may be hard for you to understand, but you ask what you can do for me and all I can say is this: Unless you can bring my son back to me, I don't know what I need. But if you think you might like to go for ice cream one day - call me I may need to get out. And, in the case that I don't feel up to it - it's not personal... It's just where I am. Sorting out the messiness of grief with God."
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I so desperately wanted to be alone in my grief that I know I shut people out and shut my emotions down in public. People close to me knew my grief was palpable. They saw it in my eyes and expressed in a strong embrace. But, as much as I didn't know what to do with the loneliness, sadness and anger... They didn't know what to do with me.
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At Christmas, a friend hugged my neck as I was weeping bitter, sorrowful tears at the end of the service. She tried to sooth me as I gushed, "I just miss him so much."
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Time felt as if it stood still, and my heart felt as if it would split right in two when she responded: "But, he ain't missin' you."
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Perhaps I needed to hear that, but I didn't want to - I didn't want to think that a moment of life in heaven passed for Justin without him being joyfully aware of how much he was missed and loved by his mother here on earth. He just has to know that... He just has to. And, he does. He was made perfect in Christ when he came face to face with Him in heaven. He has perfect knowledge and the truth of that comforts me, but it is bittersweet.

So it is with the many things I have discovered about life and God in my grief. One thing I know for sure - it is true. Though my God doesn't like what I do at times, He never leaves me and He never forsakes me. Though I forsake Him and grow angry or disillusioned with Him - He stays close, and walks along behind me until I decide to turn around and acknowledge He is there. He then will take me up in His strong and loving arms and comfort me as only He can.
He strokes my hair and rocks me as He sings a soothing song in my ear. "There, there Beloved..." I hear the gentle whisper of His voice say to me, "I know your sorrow is great. That your suffering is breaking your heart. But, have faith, My Child, I redeem the losses and make good the suffering. I mend broken hearts and carry your tears in a bottle marking each occasion that you have cried. You are My Child, and I love You, as much as I love My Son... So, I also love You. I know how You feel, sweet Child, for I gave up My Son for You. Your son is safely in my care and he will be here, in your cloud of witnesses. And when the time is right, his voice will be one of many calling to you beckoning you Home."

YOU MAY WANT TO WRITE DOWN OR PRINT OUT THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. Share your answers if you are comfortable. Mostly allow these answers to resonate in your heart of hearts and allow God to bring His truth to your pain.
How do you relate to the desolation and the loneliness of grief?
How have you learned to deal with your anger in grief?
How has God proven to you that He will never leave you or forsake you?
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Has someone who meant well said or done something that ended up making your grief worse instead of better?
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Have you found the grace to forgive them?
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At this point in your grief, what brings you the most comfort?
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Share one thing that you are thankful for or a special memory of your child.
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SALVE FOR OUR WOUNDED SOULS:
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"Praise be to the God and
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort,
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4 who comforts us in all our
troubles, so that we can comfort
those in any trouble with the comfort
we ourselves have received from God.
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5 For just as the sufferings of Christ
flow over into our lives, so also through
Christ our comfort overflows.
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6 If we are distressed,
it is for your comfort and salvation;
if we are comforted, it is for your comfort,
which produces in you patient endurance
of the same sufferings we suffer.
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7 And our hope for you is firm,
because we know that just as you share in
our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
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8 We do not want you to be uninformed,
brothers, about the hardships we suffered in
the province of Asia. We were under great
pressure, far beyond our ability to endure,
so that we despaired even of life.
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9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence
of death. But this happened that we might not rely
on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
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10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril,
and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope
that he will continue to deliver us,
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11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will
give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted
us in answer to the prayers of many.
2 Corinthians 1:3-11 (NIV)

Weighing the Word: John Two

This week's Weighing the Word has taken us to the second chapter of the Gospel of John.
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I begin, remarkably, with the simplicity of setting and timing. Let's review. Jesus was baptized near Bethbara (Bethany) and within two days traveled to the region of Galilee. On His way there, he aquired some followers, Disciples. These men were Andrew, Simon Peter, Philip, Nathanael, and one unamed disciple of John, the baptizer. The close of John One finds us with Jesus and these five men in the town of Bethsaida. By this time, we have been three days with Jesus.
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Which brings us to the second chapter's reading. The chapter begins with timing: "On the third day." It struck me that these first verses of John take us through a succession of days in the life of Jesus. This would have taken place the "third day" after Jesus was baptized. So... This was before Jesus was taken to the desert and tempted (Matthew 4, Luke 4)?

We also find that Jesus has traveled once again to Cana. There He, His mother and the five disciples attend a wedding. In verse two, we learn Jesus went for a very obvious reason - He was invited.

1. Jesus goes where He is invited.

Jesus and his family likely knew the families who were hosting the wedding. Mary's concern for the reputation of the groom's family seems to indicate a relationship. Then the dilemma. Picture Mary leaning into her son and whispering in His ear, "They have run out of wine, my Son."

And Jesus' response, "Dear woman, what does that have to do with me? It's not quite my time to shine." In essence, His response is "Not Yet."
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But, Mary's faith in Jesus is persistent. She turns and tells the servants to do whatever He tells them to do.
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And, just like that, God changed His mind? I don't think it really comes down to that. Jesus taught that we are to honor the authority placed before us in our lives. So, how could He preach and teach "Honor your father and mother..." If He, Himself, refused to honor His own mother. I believe her persistence and faith in Him moved His heart to have compassion on her.
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2. The Miracle.
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What was significant about this miracle? Here are a few things I observed:

* The persistence of faith expressed in Mary's request of Jesus prompted Him to action even though His initial response was "Not yet."
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* The wine was not made from just any old water in any old pot. It was made, in fact, from water that was set aside and used for ceremonial cleansing. These posts held anywhere from 20-30 gallons of water each. Jesus told the servants to the fill the pots and they did - the brim. Overflowing. That is approximately 120-180 gallons of water. In the NKJV it says that water was set aside for the purification of the Jews.
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* Water in the Bible often represents many things, but in this case - the picture is clear. Water meant to be used for Cleansing was used instead for what? For celebration, for anointing? Think about this. The miracle at Cana represents precisely what Jesus had experienced just days before in the Jordan river. A baptism of repentence in the waters of the Jordan - a cleansing. And the anointing and blessing of His Father as He came out. Then others believed in Him because of what they had witnessed.
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How beautiful is that picture? That when we submit ourselves in obedience and persistence of faith, the result is purification (cleansing) through repentance and the anointing and blessing of the Father upon our lives.

A few other notes of interest from the wedding reading: The symblism of Jesus' first miracle being performed at this wedding in Cana - is not lost on me. This entire thing will culminate in the ultimate Wedding Feast when we all gather in heaven to spend eternity with our Father and Bridegroom. HMM! HMMM! HMMMM! Why did Jesus say His time had not yet come? As I said in the first paragraph, I believe the context of the Scripture indicates that this wedding took place before the Spirit led Him into the desert to be tempted for forty days. Why?
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The next verse: "This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory..." (vs. 11) Jesus knew that the temptation and testing had to come before He went forth. Jesus was telling His mother that it was not yet time for His glory as God's Only Begotten Son to be revealed.
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Jesus saved the best for last... Let's hold onto that truth. He didn't throw the best out there right at the beginning - He could change the water into wine at any moment. He could have literally changed the bad wine into better wine... good wine. But, He didn't. He waited until they had exhausted all of their resources and then gave them not just what was better, but what - indeed was best.
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After the wedding, Jesus travels and spends a few days (NLT) in Capernaum, where His brothers join this traveling caravan of people. Why did His brothers join them? Well, because Passover was coming - that is why. The annual pilgrimage to Jerusalem was at hand. It was time for the family to make their trip to the holy city to observe the custom of Passover. Jesus' ministry begins and ends with Passover.

Upon arriving in Jerusalem, the family likely paid a visit to the temple to make the necessary sacrifices. Jesus' passion for His Father and the temple that bore His presence and His name overflowed as He watched the moneychangers and the vendors selling their wares right in the temple courts. The indignation and righteous anger rose up in Him and He made a whip and scourged those who would defile His Father's house. He drove out the corruption and the greed that sat before Him. His disciples even remembered the verse Psalm regarding the Messiah's zeal for God's House. But, is it lost on anyone else... Just days before He was obedient to His authority when His mother asked for a miracle. Then this day - He breaks the law of the Romans by interfering with the work of the money-changers. And still... Pilate would say three years later, "I find no fault in Him." HMMM!

I noted the following points:

1. Evidence requires little faith.

The Jews were asking for evidence of His identity at every turn. They wanted EVIDENCE to prove His authority. But, they did not realize that the requirement of evidence exhibits very little faith. Jesus was living and observing the traditional Jewish customs of His day, but He was also redefining the standard and the truth about what would come after Him. The Jews were so caught up in their own ideas of "God" that they missed Him. Legalism always blinds eyes, deafens ears, dulls hearts and confuses understanding.

2. Faith confirms evidence.

The disciples and others who witnessed the miracles and words of Jesus during those days in Jerusalem came to believe He was the one who had been promised. They put their faith in Him.
In turn, they recognized the evidence the Jewish Leaders had been looking for but unable to see. You see, I believe that verses 24-25 speak so loudly to us today:

"But Jesus did not commit (entrust, NLT) Himself to them, because He knew all men, and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man."

Jesus understood that humanity is limited. We struggle with the limitations of our flesh and a fallen existence. He did not need anyone to explain to Him why the leaders wouldn't believe Him and why common, ordinary folks in the streets would. He already knew and recognized those He came into contact with everyday.

I believe this brings clarity to us as ministers of His gospel. Jesus never got caught up in what the people expected of Him. What they thought the Messiah should look like. He was discerning and focused on one thing: The will of His Father. Jesus came to do the work of His Father in the person of the Son, the Messiah. His ministry demonstrated His anointing and His authority had come from God the Father. The miracles demonstrated His power and His Love that overflowed in Him through the Holy Spirit.
Those who experienced His presence without expectation did not question Him - they simply believed. Jesus must always be glorified.

I read these translations as I met with God this week. If you have read John Two this week, please share your insights in a blog post or comment. If you share a blog post please use MR. LINKY and link us directly to your post so we can read and learn from your insights as well! Thanks for Weighing the Word with me this week. It's been a joy!

LPM Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #6

This time I'm memorizing a verse I prayed with a group of precious ladies yesterday. I've been praying with these women for a few weeks now and we've been asking God specifically to come and move at PINK IMPACT the women's conference that our church is hosting March 26-28th.

This verse just seemed to be highlighted and leaping off the page yesterday as we prayed.

"And He has made My mouth like a sharp sword; In the shadow of His hand He has hidden Me, And made Me a polished shaft; In His quiver He has hidden Me."
Isaiah 49:2 (NKJV)

As I was just even reading this Scripture something new become known to me. "In His quiver He has hidden Me." He sharpens and hones me, makes my words like a sharp sword, and a polished prized weapon. I'm one of God's secret weapons. Think of that.

I love it. There is also exciting news this week for the Scripture Memorization Siestas... Check it out at the LPM Blog.

Blessings,

Michelle