Default Setting

God's been talking to me today about DEFAULT settings...

Because I've been hearing him talk to me about "Default Settings" I had to stop and think...

First of all what does the word DEFAULT really mean?

So, I did what I've grown accustomed to doing when I want to know the definition answer. I went to Webster's Online Dicitionary:

Default
Noun
1. Loss due to not showing up; "he lost the game by default".

2. Act of failing to meet a financial obligation.

3. Loss resulting from failure of a debt to be paid.

4. An option that is selected automatically unless an alternative is specified.

Verb
1. Fail to pay up.

Source: WordNet 1.7.1 Copyright © 2001 by Princeton University. All rights reserved.

The thought really came to me many times in the past several months when I log into my computer and find that the default setting pulls up this annoying resident protection anti-virus feature that really doesn't keep my computer safe.

It actually just runs a continuous scan of the millions of bytes of information I have stored on the hard drive with a scrolling report in the corner that often takes up most of my computer screen and at least 20 minutes to stop while I attempt to close out all of my default programs that launch on start-up along with it.

And, all of this because I do not have the attention span, nor the time to commit to permanently turn off those DEFAULT settings.

They are often annoying, time consuming and troublesome to me to say the least. Sometimes I can go for hours clicking on the antivirus icon and it still will not shut off. I spent several hours in my control panel and stopped just short of surfung the web without an anti-virus tool at all... Only to find that I still had not solved the problem. As of late I have figured out that I need to re-install the program and remember not to set the resident protections as a default, start-up selection. So, now that we all know I know the solution to my technology woes - let's address what this has stirred up inside of me.

All the way home from church this afternoon, I heard God asking me - "WHAT IS YOUR DEFAULT SETTING?"

I'd like to say the world starts spinning and I roll out of bed and launch myself into the Word for support, worship so I'm immersed in His presence, and power-packed prayer meetings with the One and Only of God of the Universe so I overflow with His grace and peace and joy as my DEFAULT setting.

Still, that would hardly be the truth. I usually wake up annoyed that I can't get more than 10 minutes of uninterrupted extra sleep between the frighteningly loud beeps on the alarm clock that I intentionally set at least an hour ahead of the actual time I want to get up. Some mornings I quite frankly tell Scott to turn the darn thing off. A few times he has done what I asked only to find that we BOTH OVERSLEPT.

So roll that on ahead... Then I head out the door to work late, arrive late and play catch-up all day so I can leave late, come home exhausted and wonder why on earth my husband who gets home two hours earlier than I do did not bother to put something on for dinner to help me out.

Can you see the pattern of my default setting working here?

I have good intentions. I want to do Bible study for four hours before I head out to work and talk the LORD all day long so what happens... Real Life happens that's what. There's that lady who called needing to see somebody right now regarding a problem with her kids and after 20 minutes on the phone with her I slip away from my desk to go pray and ask the Lord why my emotions feel so stinking overwhelmed.

The answer - MY DEFAULT SETTING.

Then, I get several things on my desk that need to be done last week, so what happened - My DEFAULT SETTING. I hit it long and hard, skip lunch - forget to breathe and by 3:00 PM I announce rather loudly, "I feel like my head is going to explode."

WHY? Because of my DEFAULT SETTING.

My default setting is procrastination, keep it all in my head, and ooops I forgot, but it all depends on me so I better just get it done.

There is a song performed by Mark Shultz that resonates with my life at times:

"I think I'm running just to catch myself..."

Not that I feel like I'm overworked or underappreciated.

I do it to myself.

It's my default setting.

Put off the laundry until there are 15 loads overflowing in the closet and half of it on the loveseat in my bedroom. I'll do the dishes tomorrow only to find I am too tired. I forgot to put the meat out for dinner so we'll just get something out and all of a sudden the spin cycle begins and I've missed my date with God, the prayer I meant to pray and the life I meant to live all because my default setting is an old pattern that the new me just can't shake - why?

Paul hits that note in the book of Romans:

6 But now that we're no longer shackled to that domineering mate of sin, and out from under all those oppressive regulations and fine print, we're free to live a new life in the freedom of God.

7 But I can hear you say, "If the law code was as bad as all that, it's no better than sin itself." That's certainly not true. The law code had a perfectly legitimate function. Without its clear guidelines for right and wrong, moral behavior would be mostly guesswork. Apart from the succinct, surgical command, "You shall not covet," I could have dressed covetousness up to look like a virtue and ruined my life with it.

8 Don't you remember how it was? I do, perfectly well. The law code started out as an excellent piece of work. What happened, though, was that sin found a way to pervert the command into a temptation, making a piece of "forbidden fruit" out of it. The law code, instead of being used to guide me, was used to seduce me. Without all the paraphernalia of the law code, sin looked pretty dull and lifeless, 9 and I went along without paying much attention to it. But once sin got its hands on the law code and decked itself out in all that finery, I was fooled, and fell for it. 10 The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong. 11 So sin was plenty alive, and I was stone dead. 12 But the law code itself is God's good and common sense, each command sane and holy counsel.

13 I can already hear your next question: "Does that mean I can't even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?" No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God's good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.

14 I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. 15 What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. 16 So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! 18 I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. 19 I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. 20 My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. 22 I truly delight in God's commands, 23 but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24 I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Romans 7:6-25 (MSG)

AROUND THE OFFICE

We have these core principles and values that we adhere to when ministering to the people who come to us seeking all manner of wisdom and solution regarding life's problems. I mean - I'm not the only person in the world to whom REAL LIFE HAPPENS. There are others out there dealing which much heavier situations than my own - I know. I talk with them and pray with them. I help to administrate classes and opportunities for them to grow.

At Gateway Church and our department - Pastoral Care - there is a goal..."Establish a Kingdom culture where people are saved, healed, set free, discipled, equipped, and empowered for ministry."

In the introduction video for our classes on Monday and Wednesday nights Pastor Bob Hamp can be heard saying, "Freedom Ministry is not what you get free from and it is not about what you get out of you." Though those things may happen during your Journey to Freedom, the purpose of Freedom Ministries is to help people "respond to God out of the person (identity) that they were created and redeemed to be." I know this stuff. It's what I do for other people when I pray at the altar, when we are talking on the phone. But, why can't I activate it when I need it most.

Yet, we're people who have been governed by our Flesh most of our lives until we give Jesus access to our hearts and invite the Holy Spirit to fill us with His power and gifts so that we can be transformed into the image of Christ as Scripture says... "...From glory to glory."

So what about those default setting when our flesh (our worldly, fallen mind, will and emotions) has been ruling and dictating our responses. When our experiences confirm the lies that we've heard whispered in our nightmares and small circles at school and at church. Screamed at us by bullies, mothers, fathers, siblings or friends... What happens when our default setting ruminates on the past failures and wickedness of our existence? What happens when I default to pride rather than humility, or self-sufficiency over His all-sufficient grace, what then?

Pauls writes to us of the answer: "The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." ~ Romans 7:26 (The MSG)

So the only thing left for me to do is live that way.

Live in such a way that when my Flesh and its "Default Settings" which mean a loss due to someone not showing up - or in this case not being invited to join in. I must invite God into every place, every aspect of my life and existence. I must ask Him to trim away my flesh and it's desires so I may live fully in relationship with Him allowing His Spirit and His Word to work the transformation from my worldly identity into my God-given identity.

And, if default also means "...a failure to pay a debt." When I live like I still have something to live up to...A debt that I can somehow pay out of my abilities, best efforts and initiative - then I miss the opportunity to glorify God by showing off the fact that as incapable as I am and as much as this fallen reality happens to me, He's still my first priority. He still paid the debt I owed.

And, well Thank God! Jesus acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind (soul and strength) but am pulled by the influence of my flesh, my default setting, to something totally different. Yes, Thank God.

Dear Lord, I confess that I have been trying to do this my way. Overwhelmed by my own expectations and failing to do the one thing I ought - invite You to be my guide. Please reveal to me the lie that I believed that causes me to revert to my default settings of trying to do this thing called life without You?

Please also, show me the Truth that replaces that lie so that I may repair my foundations and live in the Freedom of Your work in my life. Thank You for redeeming me from the works of my flesh and creating in me the exact reflection of Your Image that only I can present. I praise You that You are the God of all flesh and nothing is impossible for You ---- Not even turning this prideful, determined heart into a melting pot of Your will.

Jesus, thank You for paying my debt so I don't have to DEFAULT any longer. You bless me in every way and I am grateful.

So, how about you... When the buttons are pushed what is your Default Setting?

This Is What It Means To Be Free

"Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)." 2 Corinthians 3:17 (AMP)

I've been thinking about what it means to be free.

Not just free to go to the mall, free to vote, free to drive the car of my choice or buy a specific house in a particular neighborhood.

I'm not just contemplating what soldiers fight and die for everyday - personal, physical freedom in a society and culture that allows me to choose the course of my life, my faith, and so on.

While all of these things are valuable, beneficial and important to me. Those Freedoms born on Independence Day... and paid for by the very lives of others who bravely gave what Christ called the sacrifice of greatest love. Even as I become more aware, and am ever more grateful for all of these things...

As I write this post the Freedom that I find myself contemplating is something more. I am talking about Dependent Freedom.

Jesus came to "set at LIBERTY the captives." (Isaiah 61 and Dr. Luke in Chapter four of the gospel he penned illuminate Jesus' high Messianic calling.) Why am I writing about this in what appears to be some wild cryptic code... I DON'T KNOW.

Perhaps these are the musings of a heart that has been shattered and scattered wide for so many years. A heart that is now finding itself whole for the very first time.

Maybe it is just the peace I find myself living in these days: It's a journey of discovery and absolute awe that takes me to new, deeper places with God every single day.

I honestly don't know why it is coming to life for me this way... On this page... This particular day, but I can tell you when it started:

Several months ago I met and communicated regularly with a group of strong, interceding women. We were "pillars" erecting a "tent of meeting" for a women's conference that was being held at our church in the Spring.

Each of us felt that God had impressed upon our hearts to pray for a specific attribute that would be embraced by the women attending the conference. One woman was called to pray for the Love of God while another the Fear of the Lord. And,yet another was called to pray for Mercy and so on. The Lead Intercessor stated she felt called to pray for Liberty while I knew my attribute was Freedom. That morning, as four women sat in Starbucks buzzing with anticipation reciting the beautiful Words God was enscribing on their hearts the question was posed: "What is the difference between Liberty and Freedom?"

Admittedly, I was taken aback. After all - when I look up the word FREEDOM in my Thesaurus I find that "liberty" is indeed an alternate word.

But, as we sat in that particular coffee shop, that particular morning contemplating that particular question I heard the Lord say to my heart, "Liberty is the permission to be free, but it's not really Freedom until you walk in it."

Walking in Freedom. Running in it - basking in the beautiful nature of His Spirit and letting it soak you through to your bones. Allowing His very nature to penetrate every fiber of your being, and making you long for nothing more than to live in the calm and peace of His will your whole life long.

It was just as I was embarking on this journey with my prayer partners that I was discovering what it meant to me to be free. And, to the best of my ability, here is a concise expression of what I learned.

1. Freedom is born of God-given desire and found only in His Truth. Not a natural inclination to be "free" or lawless, nor is it something that we can earn or deserve... True Freedom can be found only in the heart of God - His unconditional love for His creation and His desire to touch the deep places within us personally and completely.

2. What I view as limitations may be an open invitation to walk in Freedom. Whether it is something as simple as being obedient to sit in the back of the room rather than in the front row, or as devestating as the death of someone I love, a debilitating injury or illness, or a financial set back... Whatever I see as limiting - God wants me to see as an invitation for Him to set me free.

3. Liberty beckons us just as a lighthouse calls lost sailors home. Liberty woos and calls to us in the darkness of night. It casts its bright light into the far reaching darkness and begs us to come in... And then we enter the safety of the Light of God to find that freedom is not something we do... It's something we experience. It is the result of what Christ did and my role is to allow it in - to allow it to so consume me in such a way that my life will never - can never - be the same because Christ has changed me from the inside out.

Dependent Freedom... Because it depends not on my desire to be free or what I do to gain it - it matters not my natural origins or my home country... It is dependent only on a sold-out, submitted life to God through His Son, Jesus Christ. It is by His sacrifice, His love, His grace, His heart that I become free.

Yes, my friends. This is what it means to be free. To live life in such a way that not only can you never be the same, but others who bear witness to your life no longer want their lives to remain the same. They, too, find themselves wanting to live life with that abandon, with that promised Freedom that Jesus came to purchase for us - each and everyone.

We all yearn for something more in life...

Many of us believe that something more is a destiny in a distant future promised heaven while others believe it is just over the hump to a better house in a better neighborhood, perhaps with a better husband and a better job.

But, Scripture's promise is that Freedom comes this side of Glory and Jesus' own words in Luke 4 state "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." A place of love, redemption, truth and sweet, sweet Freedom. It's right here, surrounding us, beckoning us in the voice of our Master.

Won't you step in?

In Other Words: Wounded Souls, Broken Identities

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This week's "In Other Words" is being hosted by Esthermay at The Heart of a Pastor's Wife. Please stop by and see what others are saying "In Other Words."

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This Week's Quote:

“For most of this century we have wrongly defined soul wounds as psychological disorders and delegated their treatment to trained specialists.
Damaged psyches

aren’t the problem.

The problem is

disconnected souls. ”
by Larry Crabb

From ~ Connecting:

Healing Ourselves

and Our Relationships

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As a woman who lived out of a broken identity most of her life this quote resonated deep within my soul. My life was full of dysfunctional relationships, deep soul wounds and a broken identity. I barely ever looked in the mirror and liked the woman I found there. The tapes I rehearsed over and over again in my head were not only damaging - they were messages that were destined to self-destruct in 30 seconds or less each time I rehearsed them.
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My entire life was built and shaped around "just keepin' the monster down" as Beth Moore often puts it. Hiding who I believed I really was, the vile and awful creature who was capable of the worst, most heinous sins in every way. Oh, I tried to be better... I really did. The change just never took.
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."Used Up"

"problem child"

"harlot"

"unloveable"

"UGLY"

"unworthy"

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"she'll never change"

I was living out of a broken identity.

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What I have learned in the last couple of months is that our men live out of just as broken and just as damaged identities. God showed me how the men in my family, including my husband were driven by a root of pride. Not the puffed up, arrogant sort of pride that demands to be noticed. No... The sort of pride I saw in that ministry session was a pride born of self-protection. What I realized was that we, the women, were so rebellious that we stripped our men of their honor. The pride they held onto was a pride that said, "I must protect my position and my authority or I will not have any honor."

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Broken people, living out of broken identities in a fallen world. A recipe for disaster. Right?

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Add to this a performance and soul driven need to succeed, to be right rather than righteous and a society that says that if you make mistakes you can't be forgiven, you just need to be fixed. What does that leave us with? A MESSED UP LIFE. A MESSED UP PHILOSOPHY OF WHAT CHANGE LOOKS LIKE. A MESSED UP MIND.

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Then throw traditonal secular psychology into the mix and you begin to make excuses for bad behavior, force yourself to change on the outside when nothing really has ever changed on the inside... The cycle is perpetuated not broken. We don't know who we are, and instead are taught to hide who we really believe we are behind a mask of diagnoses, psuedo accomplishments, cute outfits, a good name, the right house, the right car, the right husband, the right church and a medicine cabinet full of escape. A Legacy of Delusion... We hand our broken and frail lives onto the next generation.

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My Question for Modern Phsychology has become: What's the point?
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Larry Crabb answers my question. He identifies the problem as an unattended wound in the human soul. For me it was a series of behaviors that manifested out of a belief system that said I was hopelessly bad and doomed to fail. Raised by an authoritative father and a jealous mother who were both living out of their own broken identities, my juevenile mind and heart received those messages about my cursed identity. It wasn't long before I began to live out self-fulfilling prophecies of brokeness, woundedness and failure.

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The truth is this: My bad behavior did not change until I realized Who my identity rests fully in. As I learned who Christ really is as well as what He really endured on my behalf something inside of me changed. I began to confess the truth of God's Word over my life for my life rather than the lies of the enemy. I take every thought captive to Christ. I allow that truth to transform me by renewing my mind - literally changing it - until I begin to feel differently about who I am and then act out of that new identity.

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In John 8 Christ tells his disciples to abide in His Word and if they abide in His Word, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32)We were born to live free, not bound by chains and identities based on lies and a fallen existence. I don't know about you - but that, to me, feels like redemption.
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At my church home, Gateway Church, there is a ministry devoted to helping people discover who God has created them to be and to walk fully in that calling. This ministry is called "Freedom Ministry." Freedom Ministry is not about what you stop doing. It's not about what you get free or healed from. Instead, Freedom Ministry is about discovering who God created you to be and allowing Him to free us to live in that identity.

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The heart of Freedom Ministry is Jesus' own life verse:

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17The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him.

Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

18"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

because he has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to release the oppressed,

19to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." [Isaiah 61:1-2]
20Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him,
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Luke 4:17-20 (New International Version)
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Jesus ~ The King Who Sets Us Free!

That's My King!

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Please Visit Loni at Writing Canvas to find out more about this challenging and insight-filled Meme.

God's Grace [PERIOD]

As I've written here, these last few weeks have been extremely painful and difficult for me. However, God has been so good in this time of anguished reality. Yesterday, I went to a group leader's meeting for my Bereaved Mothers group at church while my hubs attended the 9:00 AM worship service. The meeting was informative and refreshing.

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The last 45 minutes were given to the Executive Pastor of "Freedom Ministry" which is the department my group is classified under. Pastor Bob is one of my favorite teachers. He uses subtle humor, relational stories, he processes and thinks deep bringing relative worldly realities into the light by exposing the truth behind them and then he goes into exegetics a bit to firm up the revelation.

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He first thanked each of us for serving in ministry and partnering to help bring God's freedom to the lives of others through our experiences. Then he laid out the foundation of Freedom ministry for us: He doesn't just want us to be about the business of giving good advice, He wants us to bring Good News - and if the good advice points people to the Good News then we are all good.

He concluded our time together by talking about the will. That the world tells us to make better choices, try harder and do more to be better and more righteous - which, BTW, is a Pharisee attitude - (See Colossians 2:18-23). He said, "God's grace is not God winking at sin or giving us a license to sin." He went on to say that to fully embrace our identity in Christ and realize the weight of righteousness does not rest on us, but on God through the cross and resurrection of Christ and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit then we can realize that WE CANNOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GOD'S GRACE.

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Did you get that... ?

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Let me say it again. WE CANNOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GOD'S GRACE. What He offers is unmerited, unconditional favor - it is FAVOR, Ya'll. Favor we do not deserve, earn or receive as a reward - it is simply God's Love for us wrapped up in His favor shining upon us.

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As Pastor Bob was teaching on this a particular issue began to resonate and rise to the surface.

The issue? The statement I made to my daughter the day this entire mess began to unravel. "I must be gracious to my husband as the Lord has been gracious to me."

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This last week fear and disappointment threatened to rob me of my desire to serve my husband and bring healing to our relationship by meeting his needs. I even said to him, "When do I get to be the one who was violated? When do I get to be the one who is hurt? Why do you take and take and take but never give anything back?"

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You see, in my head I can process that my role is to be the covenant redeemer and to seek restoration in spite of what my husband's response is and not because of it. But in my heart, the wound is deep and old and it has been cut many times. My fear is that my husband will receive all I have to offer and I will be left empty and without return... I fear he will take advantage of the grace I have found myself offering him and not learn the lesson of his mistake.

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In Other Words, I've begun to think that my response to his offense is enabling him to minimize the consequences. CO-DEPENDENT THINKING AND CO-DEPENDENT BEHAVIOR. That says that my desire to please God in my actions depends and is influenced by my husband's response.

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So as Pastor Bob is saying, "You cannot take advantage of God's grace for you...."

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I'm suddenly realizing that the grace I am offering my husband is not grace based on my feelings or my wounds or even how he responds to what I am doing in this circumstance... But, instead - it is grace offered based on Grace received. I am merely being an extension of God's love and grace to my husband in this time of sorting, mending and reconciling.

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I shared with the group, "Since that is true, that means if I offer the same grace to others who hurt me that God has given to me... Then, they cannot take advantage of my grace either."

He had me repeat that again, and then said he was going to write it down. He summed up what I said, "You mean you are not going to live in a co-dependent relationship."

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Yes, absolutely! Talk about truth that will set you free!

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Love ya'll - Hope this blesses your socks off as it did mine. To realize that my forgiving my husband for his hurtful behavior toward me as a demonstration of God's grace and love at work in my life is not giving him license to hurt me again, but instead it is giving him the unconditional favor and opportunity to live in and experience the grace of God at work through me. Now that is the hands and feet of Jesus in action and the work of the Holy Spirit taking down my walls and strongholds.

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GLORY! Excuse me, I need to go put my face to the ground and humbly thank my God for freedom and revelation on a beautiful Sunday morning in January! Be Free... God's Grace [PERIOD] that's all I need.

RENEW Your Mind...

Beth Moore has a great tutorial for Scripture Memorization up at her LPM Blog. She has encouraged her readers to join her in memorizing two verses a month through the year 2009.

This year, God gave me John 8:32 just before New Year. "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." I already had that verse down in my head so my first verse had to be something new: "Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart." Psalm 15:1-2 NKJV

I cannot tell you how many times in the last fourteen days that a new realization would come to me that would bring me pain. I would say, "If this is the truth, then the truth shall make me free." Or if that realization would be one I would like not to accept, or maybe one I would like to act upon and take revenge about.... I would remind myself: "Those who abide with God walk uprightly, work righteousness and they TELL THE TRUTH IN THEIR HEART." I must accept what has happened before I can move forward in this process. Pretending something didn't happen or that it was less than it was is not telling the truth in my heart. It is deceptive, it is futile and it brings destruction. Denial is the worst form of deception because we do it to ourselves.

What "WORD" has God given you for 2009 and how are you applying it to your life today?

Thank you Jesus that in spite of our realities, You alone are the Truth that sets us free. I love you so.