"Imagine All The Trouble I Would've Gotten Into..."

Last Friday morning I called hubs for the usual "On My Way To Drop Off Taylor At School" call when he said, "Hey, what do you think about Dinner and a Movie tonight?"

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A "his idea..." He asked me out on a date night! WOO HOO!

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I spent some time finding and buying tickets to the movie by phone that morning before running errands and hustling home to get a shower and pick out an outfit for the evening.

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(((YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY FRIDAYS LOOK LIKE! RUN. RUN. RUN. All. Day. Long.)))
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Which I did. I picked him up from work needing to "Up the Do" and put on my make-up... but I was officially dressed for our night out. He picked the restaurant and I picked the movie. We were going to see "Taken" with Liam Neeson (which BTW deserves a blog post all its own). We were out of the house in record time for Friday night.

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A slight detour by the movie theater as we walked to the restaurant (RAZZOOs. Aiy-eeeh!) And I discovered that the phone system haphazardly sold me a ticket to see a movie three days before while I was ordering the tickets for "Taken."
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So we returned the tickets and asked them why they charged us for three tickets. We got a refund on all three tickets and the fee for phone ordering --- AND we got the tickets to our movie. The manager told us worst case the system would re-charge us for the two tickets we purchased, and best case is we get to see the movie for free! BONUS. I told him if they were taking reviews for the phone system - "THUMBS DOWN!"

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Dinner was really great! I had Louisiana Bread Pudding which is one of my favorite Desserts. And, we went to Barnes and Noble* and he bought me a book called "Jewish Literacy." I am sitting in a huge overstuffed chair near the religious section holding a book with about 1,000 Sudoku puzzles and this book on Jewish literacy by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin when my husband walks up.

I said, "I really want this book."

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I held up both of the books. "But, I can't really decide which I want more."

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He smiled. "It's up to you."

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I weighed the two books. "Jewish Literacy it is."

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We both walked down the stairs and he picked up the new book by Stephen R. Lawhead he had been eyeing ("TUCK") and we were off to cash out. With our purchases in tow we trotted around the corner to the movie theater and saw our (a little extreme in the violence department) movie, but such a great story. I give the movie a good review with a violence warning on it. There is a theme of prostitution, drugs and human trafficking in this movie - But, parents with older teenage girls need to take their daughters to see this movie because it is very sobering to consider the risk our kids are at and the way they are seen as targets. (end of movie review)

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On the way home we drove through our prodigal stomping grounds. The Fort Worth Stockyards.

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I spotted a marquee advertising, "Bikini Contest Monday Nights."

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I asked my husband, "How is that different than strippers?"

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He said, "It's not."

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We talked about his days of "sowing wild oats," when - shocking, I know - he frequented strip clubs where his classmates from school worked. (Fortunately, I knew this already. AND, BTW his past just might pale in comparison with mine.) Anyway... I asked him when he stopped visiting those places and we talked about his first marriage. When he said, "I guess it was 1989 because I turned 21 that year."

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We were eerily close to the cemetery where Justin's earthly body rests and I suddenly realized my son and my husband are exactly 20 years different in age. Scott born in 1968 and Justin in 1988. I then began to think of all the things a 21 year old might be doing. What I would hope Justin would be doing and the tears began to fall. We stopped in at Sonic* for a soft drink when my hubs noticed my tears.

"Did I say something wrong?"

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I shook my head.

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"Just thinking about Jay."

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He gently took my hand and said, "I know his birthday is Wednesday."

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"Well, it is his birthday because he'd be 21. He's buried over there and when you said you were 21 in 1989 well, i just realized you were born exactly 20 years apart."

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For those who don't know the story: Justin was born illegitimate when I was 17 years old. His dad abandoned us shortly after I learned I was pregnant and well my dad came a hair's width away from prosecuting the father for statutory rape...

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My husband's next statement was thoughtful, surprising and a little funny to me.

"Imagine all the trouble I would've gotten into if I'd have known you then."

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I realized that was the first moment he talked about our past in a "what if" fashion... and that was sorta' good.

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"Well... at the very least you would have been Justin's dad and that would not have been any trouble at all."

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We both laughed and realized once again how lucky we are to have found each other.

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I admitted: "But... there is a chance that you wouldn't have liked me very much back then."

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"True." (Come to think of it... I don't know how I feel about that! Just kidding... I might not have liked him either.)

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"I guess things worked out the way they were supposed to... But, I still think if my parents would not have moved to Granbury - we'd have met much sooner." [BIG SMILE.]

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It was a really good night.

NOTE: I have a more recent (as in the last month) picture I wanted to share but it is locked up in my dear daughter's computer... She is napping and was to bothered to let me tranfer it to my computer. IMAGINE!

Sticky POST: Marriage Survey For Wives

**THIS IS A STICKY POST. PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR NEW MESSAGES.**

Please post your answers to this survery in an anonymous comment. I have been reading up on the marriage passages of Scripture and found some things that made me go - OH! Like the Amplified version of Ephesians 5:33

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"However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [ that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and hat she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]." (Emphasis Added)

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So here we go, copy and paste the following into the comment and provide your answers:

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1. How would you define respect and reverence? Explain in one paragraph if possible.

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2. AGREE of DISAGREE: I believe if he does not do his part that I don't have to do mine. Explain your answer.
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3. How do you feel when you read the latter part of verse 33 "... let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, honors him, prefers, him, venerates, and esteems him and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.]"?
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4. How would you define submission or being subject to?
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5. Please select which of the following areas that are the most difficult for you to submit to your husband in (order them from the most difficult to the least, if it is equal - use one line and separate with commas as needed).
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Finances
Raising Children
Spiritual Matters
Extended Family Issues
Daily Decisions
How to Manage Your Home
Where you go to church
How to settle disputes
When He is wrong
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6. Now select which of the following areas we are commanded to relate to her husband in a Spirit of and number them with this scale: 1 - Struggle Greatly, 2 - Struggle, 3 - Struggle Some, 4 - A Little Struggle, 5 - I Don't Struggle with it much.
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RESPECT
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REVERENCE
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Noticing Him
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Regarding Him
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Honoring Him
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Venerating Him (I found these words to define venerate: adore, worships, enshrines, dignifies, reveres)
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Esteeming Him
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Deferring to Him
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Praising Him
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Loving and Admiring Him Exceedingly
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Submitting to your husband out of reverence for Christ. (Eph 5:21)
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Serving your husband as a service to the Lord. (Col 3)
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Admonishing your husband with your lifestyle rather than your words. (1 Peter 3)
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Having a quiet and gentle spirit. (1 Peter 3)
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Keeping an orderly home. (Titus 2, Proverbs 31)
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Considering his needs as your own. (Matthew 19:19, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14)
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7. Note the priority in leadership that is given by God for marriage. Then answer the questions that follow:
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"3 But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.
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4 Any man who prays or prophesies (teaches, refutes, reproves, admonishes, and comforts) with his head covered dishonors his Head (Christ).
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5 And any woman who [publicly] prays or prophesies (teaches, refutes, reproves, admonishes, or comforts) when she is bareheaded dishonors her head (her husband); it is the same as [if her head were] shaved.
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6 For if a woman will not wear [a head] covering, then she should cut off her hair too; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her head shorn or shaven, let her cover [her head].
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7 For a man ought not to wear anything on his head [in church], for he is the image and [reflected] glory of God [ his function of government reflects the majesty of the divine Rule]; but woman is [the expression of] man’s glory (majesty, preeminence).
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8 For man was not [created] from woman, but woman from man;
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9 Neither was man created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man.
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10 Therefore she should [be subject to his authority and should] have a covering on her head [as a token, a symbol, of her submission to authority, that she may show reverence as do] the angels [and not displease them].
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11 Nevertheless, in [the plan of] the Lord and from His point of view woman is not apart from and independent of man, nor is man aloof from and independent of woman;
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12 For as woman was made from man, even so man is also born of woman; and all [whether male or female go forth] from God [as their Author].
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1 Cor 11:3-12 (AMP)
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* How are you doing with the idea that your husband is the final authority under God in your home?
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* How about when you see your husband's decisions and actions are not reflecting a godly attitude?
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* Do you see the passages here as specifically about the role of women in church, or about the issue of women TAKING and ASSUMING authority in place of a man? How do you understand the roles of women in leadership in the church?

* Did the words in verse 9 impact you? How do you feel knowing God created you specifically for your husband?

* Read verse 7 again. How are you doing with reflecting your husband's glory? What do people think of your husband based on what you say, how you act toward him and the way you represent him in your daily life?
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8. Is divorce an option (meaning: do you feel there are circumstances in which a divorce would be justified) in your marriage?
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I know there are a lot of questions here, but they are so important. Please take your time, even print these off and weigh your answers and the Scriptures offered before responding. AGAIN, please do not include your name in your comment and be as honest and forthright as discretion allows.

The comments for this post will be open through March 11th. Please feel free to come back and respond. Also, visit our dream blog: Restoration Ranch and read all about the building of a dream marriage.

Love, Valentine's Day and Covenants

These last few years there has been a great emphasis in all the teachings I've heard on marriage regarding the matter of covenant relationship versus contract agreement. My pastor, Robert Morris, explained this so beautifully in his teachings video taped by Life Today called "Elevate."

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He said in a contract relationship you are protecting your rights and limiting your responsibility. But, with a covenant relationship you are LAYING down your rights and TAKING UP someone else's responsibility. Covenant is not about who does what --- it is about each looking out for the best interest of the other 100% without concern for what the other does in return. WOW!

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That truth has resonated through my life again and again since last fall. The CD copies of those teachings arrived in my mail box a few weeks before I went to see Scott while he was working in the Houston area. I listened to the entire series and the messages particularly on marriage all the way down there and all the way home. Five hours of solid Biblical teaching both ways... WHOO HOO! I even shared some of the messages with Scott while we drove around the hurricane ravaged landscapes in and through the coastal areas of Texas.

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I had attended the taping of those teachings at the Life Today studios in Euless, TX in August and was so excited to receive the CDs in time to take them to my husband. I came home from my rendevous with Scott in such a devestated region and realized that I didn't just want to live my marriage out of a covenant attitude, but that I had to do so... I had no other option.

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Pastor Robert also shared in that message that a covenant must always have a redeemer. When the times are tough and redemption and restoration is necessary in the relationship one of the parties must be willing to lay down their life to restore the relationship, just as Christ did for us on the cross.

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Love, in this light, is so much more than a romantic evening or fond memories... Love is hard work. A beautiful dance and testimony of the grace of God and the promise of redemption in every area of our lives. Love is being redeemed, restored and renewed.

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I shared the photo slideshow of my wedding in the previous post because I have been weighing something I had planned for years. A public ceremony with family and friend reaffirming our vows in a covenant relationship before God this year. You see, this is the first year in the ten and a half years we've been married that our anniversary and the day of the week we got married fall into place. Scott was not saved when we were married and well, with everything we have been through a renewal is in order in so many ways. What a beautiful way to seal it in as the Lord works in and through us to restore our marriage as He would have it be.

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This weekend my hubs and I will spend the special day assigned for lovers under the very anointed teaching of Pastor Jimmy Evans and his wife, Karen, who are the founders and hosts of Marriage Today. Pastor Jimmy has helped me so much in the last two years and I am so looking forward to the reward of being diligent in seeking the Lord even as we celebrate our love this weekend. What a glorious thing - a glorious thing.

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So I have a couple of questions for you while we're at it:

Answer any or all of the following if you wish:

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1) What is your fondest Valentine's Day Memory with your spouse?

2) How do you view the marriage ceremony (covenant or contract)?

3) What are you doing for Valentine's Day this year?

4) What are your thoughts on vow renewal or re-affirmation?

5) If you have had a vow renewal ceremony would you briefly share your experience in the comments so we can be blessed by your testimony?

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Thanks so much. God is so good - is He not? He is so gloriously good. I love Him so.

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May you be ever blessed - With Much Love to you all.

God's Grace [PERIOD]

As I've written here, these last few weeks have been extremely painful and difficult for me. However, God has been so good in this time of anguished reality. Yesterday, I went to a group leader's meeting for my Bereaved Mothers group at church while my hubs attended the 9:00 AM worship service. The meeting was informative and refreshing.

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The last 45 minutes were given to the Executive Pastor of "Freedom Ministry" which is the department my group is classified under. Pastor Bob is one of my favorite teachers. He uses subtle humor, relational stories, he processes and thinks deep bringing relative worldly realities into the light by exposing the truth behind them and then he goes into exegetics a bit to firm up the revelation.

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He first thanked each of us for serving in ministry and partnering to help bring God's freedom to the lives of others through our experiences. Then he laid out the foundation of Freedom ministry for us: He doesn't just want us to be about the business of giving good advice, He wants us to bring Good News - and if the good advice points people to the Good News then we are all good.

He concluded our time together by talking about the will. That the world tells us to make better choices, try harder and do more to be better and more righteous - which, BTW, is a Pharisee attitude - (See Colossians 2:18-23). He said, "God's grace is not God winking at sin or giving us a license to sin." He went on to say that to fully embrace our identity in Christ and realize the weight of righteousness does not rest on us, but on God through the cross and resurrection of Christ and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit then we can realize that WE CANNOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GOD'S GRACE.

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Did you get that... ?

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Let me say it again. WE CANNOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GOD'S GRACE. What He offers is unmerited, unconditional favor - it is FAVOR, Ya'll. Favor we do not deserve, earn or receive as a reward - it is simply God's Love for us wrapped up in His favor shining upon us.

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As Pastor Bob was teaching on this a particular issue began to resonate and rise to the surface.

The issue? The statement I made to my daughter the day this entire mess began to unravel. "I must be gracious to my husband as the Lord has been gracious to me."

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This last week fear and disappointment threatened to rob me of my desire to serve my husband and bring healing to our relationship by meeting his needs. I even said to him, "When do I get to be the one who was violated? When do I get to be the one who is hurt? Why do you take and take and take but never give anything back?"

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You see, in my head I can process that my role is to be the covenant redeemer and to seek restoration in spite of what my husband's response is and not because of it. But in my heart, the wound is deep and old and it has been cut many times. My fear is that my husband will receive all I have to offer and I will be left empty and without return... I fear he will take advantage of the grace I have found myself offering him and not learn the lesson of his mistake.

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In Other Words, I've begun to think that my response to his offense is enabling him to minimize the consequences. CO-DEPENDENT THINKING AND CO-DEPENDENT BEHAVIOR. That says that my desire to please God in my actions depends and is influenced by my husband's response.

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So as Pastor Bob is saying, "You cannot take advantage of God's grace for you...."

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I'm suddenly realizing that the grace I am offering my husband is not grace based on my feelings or my wounds or even how he responds to what I am doing in this circumstance... But, instead - it is grace offered based on Grace received. I am merely being an extension of God's love and grace to my husband in this time of sorting, mending and reconciling.

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I shared with the group, "Since that is true, that means if I offer the same grace to others who hurt me that God has given to me... Then, they cannot take advantage of my grace either."

He had me repeat that again, and then said he was going to write it down. He summed up what I said, "You mean you are not going to live in a co-dependent relationship."

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Yes, absolutely! Talk about truth that will set you free!

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Love ya'll - Hope this blesses your socks off as it did mine. To realize that my forgiving my husband for his hurtful behavior toward me as a demonstration of God's grace and love at work in my life is not giving him license to hurt me again, but instead it is giving him the unconditional favor and opportunity to live in and experience the grace of God at work through me. Now that is the hands and feet of Jesus in action and the work of the Holy Spirit taking down my walls and strongholds.

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GLORY! Excuse me, I need to go put my face to the ground and humbly thank my God for freedom and revelation on a beautiful Sunday morning in January! Be Free... God's Grace [PERIOD] that's all I need.

A New Jerusalem... Installment #2

Well, I've pretty well broken down the first verse of my Vision Quest Scripture:

Jeremiah 33:6-9 (AMP)

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Behold [in the future restored Jerusalem] I will lay upon it health and healing, and I will cure them and will reveal to them the abundance of peace (prosperity, security, stability) and truth. And I will cause the captivity of Judah and the captivity of Israel to be reversed and will rebuild them as they were at first. And I will cleanse them from all the guilt and iniquity by which they have sinned against Me, and I will forgive all their guilt and iniquities by which they have sinned and rebelled against me. And [Jerusalem] shall be to Me a name of joy, a praise and a glory before all the nations of the earth that hear of all the good I do for it, and they shall fear and tremble because of all the good and all the peace, prosperity, security and stability I provide for it.

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Again: I want to insert a strict disclaimer - THIS IS NOT A DOCTRINAL THESIS. It is a Scripture God has given me to develop a vision for my marriage and my family - if it is useful to you then please glean from it all you can. But do not construe this as a foundation for doctrine. God's Word is living and active, it brings forth His plans and His purpose. Now... On with the vision.

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First of all - the Symbolism:

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This was written from God's perspective and spoken through the Prophet Jeremiah toward a Captive Israel.

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From the moment I read the first line of this verse I knew God was doing a new thing. I stopped, turned to my husband and read each word out loud. As I did, the picture began to form. Pieces of a puzzle falling into place:

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Jerusalem. This was not only the place of worship for all of Israel, the home of the tabernacle. But, it was also the Heart of the Promised Land - For me this represents our marriage. The heart of our promised land is a healthy, restored and prosperous marriage relationship. Restored not only to one another, but fully reconciled with God as well. Our marriage should be where worship and relationship with the Lord eminate in our home. It will be just as God has described it in verse 6.

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The Captivity of Judah and Israel. Two Houses of this nation: This represents our two families blended into one. Our lineage, strongholds and bondage to sin and predisposition to willful transgression - all the ways we sin against the Lord.

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I hear God speaking this promise is His own voice over us...

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VERSE 6:

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Behold... "Look, I have something here I want you to see and remember. Take it in with your senses and experience it fully."

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[in the future restored Jerusalem]... Jerusalem became the heart - the place where all of Israel worshipped and met with God -the domicile for the Tabernacel. Jerusalem had been utterly destroyed when Jeremiah penned these words. Much like my marriage to Scott was set for destruction. Our walls, like the walls of Jerusalem, have been reduced to rubble, our hearts have been taken captive by the lies of the enemy and scattered away from one another. Jerusalem, like my marriage, was a mess.

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Jerusalem represents The Heart of our Marriage and Family. (Scott's Heart and My Heart beating in one accord)

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The promise of redemption is a new Jerusalem, a new heart.

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A PROMISE OF THINGS TO COME = "Future Restored."

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I will lay upon it health and healing... The full restoration of our marriage will result in a healthy relationship and complete healing of our hearts and wounds.

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"Lay Upon It..." He will cover and protect us until we are whole.

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I will cure them... Not only will we be healed for this season, but we will be CURED. Once the work of this season is over we will be free of all the associated pain, patterns of behavior, broken places, time lost and transgressions - All of this will be COMPLETELY REDEEMED AND RENEWED - MADE NEW AGAIN.

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and will reveal to them the abundance of peace (prosperity, security, stability) and truth. There will be GREAT revelation that delivers MORE THAN ENOUGH PEACE, MORE THAN ENOUGH PROVISION, MORE THAN ENOUGH SECURITY, MORE THAN ENOUGH STABILITY, AND MORE, MORE, MORE TRUTH - MORE OF JESUS AND HIS PERSPECTIVE IN OUR CIRCUMSTANCES. SWEET FREEDOM!!

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Tomorrow, I will break down and relate VERSE 7. Until then... Be blessed!

Rediscovering...

Everybody falls into routines and gets in a rut every now and again... Right? We begin to take things for granted, forget to prioritize and before we know it the whole world is spinning around a Dayplanner, a TV Guide and our kids schedules. Add church and work committments to any social engagements and you have a recipe for losing touch with one another... A Recipe for DISASTER. That is exactly where my husband and I have been these last four or five years.

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DISILLUSIONED.

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DISAPPOINTED.

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DISAGREEING.

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DYSFUNCTIONING. All over the place... Talk about a Misfire.

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My Man, Scott. He is the Love of My Life.

A Gift from God to me.

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Scott is quiet, easy going and loves all manner of sports. Spectator, participation, game fishing and hunting... And he enjoys playing video games. He is competitive to the bone, and well with competition comes a strong... Did I say STRONG? Yes, a STRONG. DESIRE. TO. WIN. He has a Warrior Spirit.

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He is strong, handsome and rugged. He has a great laugh and a smile that can turn me into a puddle in the floor in two seconds flat. He has a huge heart and loves to play with children. He can see my soul with those "MOOD EYES" of his. I'm not kidding. When he is angry they turn a dark and stormy gray. Other times he can be discouraged or sad and they turn blue. Most of the time when he is just in his routine they are a smoky hazel color, but when he is feeling amorous and looking on me with those eyes I see the color of Fresh Sliced Limes. A cool, refreshing green. No kidding, those eyes on me make my stomach quiver and my knees weak. All he has to do is look my way. And, that's the thing... We spent everyday after of the last four years together without really seeing each other.

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I confessed in my last post that I have largely taken him for granted and wounded him in the process. The truth is this: when Scott came into my life I was by every measure of the words: MESSED. UP. I had been abused, neglected, unloved and needy in the area of men since my middle teenage years. I didn't believe in love, the fairy tales I had grown up believing I would live or that a really good man existed anymore. In short, besides my father... Men leave. They leave you broke and broken. Wounded. Alone. They just leave. I was good for a while, but not a lifetime... Or at least that is the message I received over and over again.

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Scott came along with his own baggage. Baggage he might have wanted to keep packed away in a closet in the recesses of his mind somewhere - but, Scott married a "digger." I don't want to be with my man, I want to know I am in his heart and on his mind and I'm not competing with anybody for first place. I want to know about his past and how it affects our future. I just want to know every stinking detail. I want to hold onto him, love him, be near him and just stare at him if I want to for a whole afternoon or more. I love being in his arms where I have felt so safe. Loving my man is what I believed I had been put on this earth to do. So What Happened?

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Life happened. That's what.

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Blended families are never easy. Put a dreamy-eyed, obsessive-compulsive woman with worthiness issues in charge of the new family home and you've got unhappy kids, a confused husband and emotional turmoil errupting all over the place. I wanted us to be "One Big Happy Family." Yeah Right?

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We had two oldest boys - Alpha Males, if you will. Two youngest girls - Princesses no doubt. And we had one girl who remained neutral like Switzerland until recent months. I routinely would set about making new "family" traditions. Required family interaction and truly believed we were the Brady Bunch minus one and in desperate need of a housekeeper. Not really! I'm pretty good at the housekeeping game if I set my mind on it. It just NEVER. Did I say Never? Yes, It is NEVER a priority.

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Hubs and I stopped sitting next to each other while we watched television. We rarely went to bed at the same time and often I felt shut out and alone. Eventually we stopped doing things together most of the time. And after Justin died, I shut him out, too. I didn't know how to reach him, I needed him desperately and I was afraid that my emotional state would drive him further away. I played it strong. I played it long. I went my own way. I returned to destructive patterns and tendancies from my past. I felt REJECTED. ANGRY. ALONE.

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I poured myself into prayer, God and the calling I sensed He had on my life. I pursued it with the passion I had once sought after my husband with... And Scott had a new Competitor to match against. My God. I wish I could say that I didn't know things were wrong and growing worse all the time, but I did. I just felt helpless to undo the damage. He wouldn't talk so I would try to confess, but his lack of response to my confessions discouraged me and drove me further away.

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In August I realized my husband's heart was hard and I was the primary reason for that hardness. Yes, he made choices, too. But, for me - it was undeniable. Both God and Scott's Wife had no place in his life any longer. I had run off and left him there stuck in the muck of our marriage and pursued what I wanted and needed more than anything else - to be validated, appreciated and valued. I found it in a room full of women who heard my voice, saw my tears and responded in love. I turned to those friendships in place of the confidence and love of my husband and I failed him in every way.

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I confessed all of this to him then, but he did not have ears to hear it. I asked him weekly - "Is everything okay between us?"

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His answer was always the same. "Yes."

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"If it weren't would you tell me?"

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His assurance, "Yes, I would."

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Okay... So I pressed on. Growing further and further apart.

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Three weeks or so ago my husband exploded on me and poured all the hurt and angry feelings he had been harboring in his heart against me. He laid it on hard and thick and all I could do was weep and apologize. Sit at his feet and ask his forgiveness. I was heartsick, heartbroken and awoke the next morning with fresh vision and invigorated to restore what had been lost. But how? I was still guessing. The only iron clad thing I knew I could do to help him was to be more than on time - but, be early when getting ready to go somewhere. So, I pressed the envelope.

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The weekend after Christmas I also learned I was not the only one with sins to confess. My husband's choices began to come to light in high fashion. Some of my worst fears were realized, and others were allayed. I confessed to God in those early moments as the crisis point threatened to rob me of my faith... "I can't do this... I'm not strong enough."

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God said, "Yes, my child, you are. You have all the strength you need in you in Christ. He is in you. Trust that."

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I persisted in my argument, but each time I heard - "Yes, you can."

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My husband is not a bad man... He is a wounded man. A disappointed man... A man confused about life and his value to me. A man who lost sight of God and in those moments of weakness sought to escape the pain of his life. It could happen to anyone of us... It happened to him. The harder I pressed into God, the further away he ran. I made him a man without honor. I destroyed the man I hoped he'd become with my pressing and pushing... My willfulness and yes, even my rebellion. My faith overshadowed him like nightfall and my personality doesn't leave much room for a partner. All the things I longed for I systematically shut down in my marriage with the choices I made.

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We have spent the last week and a half sorting through the messiness of all our confessions. Forgiving and apologizing over and over again. Truth is prevailing. Love is prevailing. God is prevailing. We took the "Five Love Languages" test from Dr. Gary Chapman's book and I was so blown away and humbled by his responses.

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After we took the test and shared our love language results, we exchanged answer sheets. I read each statement and felt like my eyes were opening for the first time the man inside that I so longed to know and love. I wept tears of regret and tears of joy all at the same time. I read and re-read the statements and they were like water to my parched and aching heart. A refreshing view of my husband's heart. He, on the other hand, looked like the cat that ate the canary. He was so pleased with outcome of his test ... I had to laugh as I confessed, "I would have never put that on you... Never in a million years."

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With a playful waggle of his eyebrows he said, "SURPRISE!" And Surprise was a good word for it.

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A gift renewed.

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Our love languages are actually very compatible and very complimentary to one another. We began to explore the nuances of our particular language and expressed our love in renewing and refreshing sorts of ways. The more we activated our love languages and met the others needs, the more we talked about what had been underlying all the pain and hurt we had been feeling and pushing each other away with.

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To God's glory, He has walked each step of the way with us. Our hearts still hurt in immeasurable ways, but God is working healing out as only He can. We are simply complying.

At Christmas I had no clue what to do next...

But these pictures tell a story my heart has been longing to hear.

Me and My Man. I do love Him so...

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This morning as we sat in the car and shared our quiet time, this is the verse of Scripture that God shared with us... "Now I will tell you what the Lord has declared: He said to me, "You are My son. Today I have become your father. If you ask Me, I will give you the nations; all the people on earth will be yours." Psalm 2:7-8

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We prayed together and this time I started and he closed... these last few days he has started and I have closed. I prayed for all that we discussed in our few moments of quiet surrender. I confessed, praised, made intercession and waited. My husband then began to pray, his struggle was great. But, for the first time I heard him say the words of confession I needed to hear. He confessed to God that he had been wrong in the two primary choices he had made that hurt our marriage. I wept and felt something physically being removed between us. He has prayed for our marriage consistently when we pray together and he is committed to seeing this through. I've never been more humbled or more proud of my man.

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As I lay in his arms last night, I asked, "Did you think of me today?"

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His reply: "Yes."

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"What did you think?"

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"How much I missed and how good it would be to see you again."

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Glory to God our hearts are being restored to one another. And I can say once again:

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"I have found the one that my heart loves." Song of Songs 3:4

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Compare and Contrast

Remember in high school (or maybe for some college) when we were assigned the task of writing a comparison or a contrast paper about works of literature or an article. Well today, in the span of a few hours I saw two movies with the theme of marriage and divorce. Two movies. One had me weeping, the other made me want to vomit. I'll explain why later.

**SPOILER ALERT*****SPOILER ALERT**

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Here is the trailer for Nights in Rodanthe a movie based on the novel of the same name by Nicholas Sparks (Who is... One of my favorite secular authors, though the light is fading --- I have not read one of his books in years, and remember NOT reading this one because the subject matter troubled me.) The movie is out on the WB name and stars Richard Gere and Diane Lane - actors and actresses I typically enjoy seeing in film.

The second movie is a low budget, inspirational film called Fireproof based on a screenplay that is now a book written by the Kendrick Brothers of Sherwood Baptist Church in Georgia. These are the same brothers who wrote, produced, directed and distributed Flywheel and Facing the Giants AND their cast and crew are largely made up of volunteers. To tell you my favorite part of these movies is the CREDITS!

Did I say Credits?

Yes, I said "CREDITS!"

Why?

The credits include a host of Sherwood and Georgia's elite volunteer cast and crew members. I love watching all the names roll by. There are those who provided food... Name after name of individuals and families, Sunday school classes and churches, grocery stores.. (In "Facing the Giants" Piggly Wiggly* was recognized!) But, when all the credits have rolled and the names of everyone who contributed to the movie have been acknowledged the screen goes completely black as these words rise upon the screen: "TO GOD BE THE GLORY."

So... I. LOVE. THE. CREDITS. Did I say that already? Oh yeah. Well I do.

So here is the trailer for the movie Fireproof:

So, by comparison which movie was better? The million dollar blockbuster... glitzy, romantically set "Nights in Rodanthe" set off the coasts of North Carolina at a beach front Bed and Breakfast in the middle of a hurricane based on a best selling author's book. OR the low budget, relative new comer to the movie magic scene Sherwood Pictures' "Fireproof."

Well, by comparison... Hands down I would give Nights in Rodanthe a paltry two stars with a star and a half being given for the stars in the film and the author of the novel. The rest is the substance of the movie... 1/2 star.

On the other hand, Fireproof gets FIVE. STARS. FIVE. I am going to tell you the movie had everything, romance, a thrilling auto accident scene where it is life and death, man versus machine... And I won't spoil it but the trailer gives clues... It is intense. Kirk Cameron has really grown up from his "Growing Pains" starts and is remarkably believable in the role of Caleb Holt. That cocky "Mike Seaver" attitude shows just a little in his swagger and style at the beginning but at some point it seems this movie moves from acting to reality as the characters develop and the storyline captures your heart.

Fireproof has humor, a hilarious one upmanship scene at the firehouse makes you laugh and laugh and Caleb Holt redefines the game, "Kick the Can."

But, the heart of Fireproof is what makes it so beautiful. The heart of the movie is a failing marriage, a wounded wife and a clueless husband... enter the LOVE DARE. Yes, the LOVE DARE. A tool, which is a personally written journal that Caleb's father gives him when he admits his marriage is headed for the local family court. Through this personal journal that is actually a 40 day challenge to demonstrate the unconditional quality of true love as described in 1 Corinthians 13, Caleb learns not only to love his wife with a new heart and saves his marriage, but he also learns to trust God and accepts Jesus as His Lord and Savior. That scene was simply beautiful.

Caleb's wife, Catherine, grew up a firefighter's daughter and longed to marry someone just like Daddy. A hero. But, her husband turned out to be a hero to everyone but her. She is aching for attention and absolutely washed up done with her husband when the movie begins. In an intensely emotional scene, Caleb and Catherine have it out and she says, "I want out."

The rest of the movie is a dance... much like the tango where he woos her and she resists. Until a smashing ending that makes you long for this kind of movie ending every single time. The movie is superbly acted with Kirk Cameron being the only professional actor in the bunch. He is greatly upstaged by Catherine's portrayer and the man who plays his father along with his firefighter friends who gag and gaffaw through the entire movie. There are some heavy scenes related to the job of a firefighter and the entire time you forget you are watching a ministry project from a church in Georgia. The better filmography may be due, in part, to the professional filming crew tht was hired for this project, but HEY! It makes it work. It is filmed entirely on location in Albany, Georgia and a few familiar faces from Flywheel and Facing the Giants turn up in this very tasteful, message film with a meaning and a song. God's song for marriage. I won't spoil the end because I want you to see it. But, this beautifully written, well played movie is in theaters across the country. It opened with the #1 rating on Fandango in pre-sales and in the #2 spot last Friday night (9/26/2008) in total sales. It finished the weekend out at #4 in box office sales for the entire opening weekend up against Shai Lebouf in Eagle Eye. $6.2 million in the first weekend, compared to $10 million that it's predecessor Facing the Giants grossed in Sherwood's National Debut. I would pay to see it again.

By the way, the Love Dare (written by the Kendrick Brothers) has been published by Broadman Holman and is avaiable at Lifeway and through the Fireproof website.

As for Nights in Rodanthe, my daughters picked it for our movie night. Both were bored and found the movie dragging along like I was. I was disappointed to be honest. The movie and storyline were self serving and gratuitous at best. This is supposed to be a love story to end all love stories, but it just didn't work for me. Set in the town of Rodanthe, NC at a B&B as previously mentioned. It is the story of a woman who is helping out her friend for the weekend while her kids travel to Orlando with their father, who is estranged from the family due to an affair he had.

Admittedly, any reserve the woman, Adrienne, had might be justified with regard to her philandering husband, but after watching Fireproof, I'm not rooting for the mysterious troubled stranger, Dr. Flanner, who comes to town - I'm rooting for Jack, her husband.

But, when Jack comes to pick up the kids for the Orlando trip, he tells his wife he's made a mistake and he wants to come home. He realizes what he's lost and he wants another chance. She should come to Orlando with them so they can be a family. She refuses, siting her committment to help her friend for the weekend. So, she spends the weekend catering the lone hotel guest at the B&B. She cooks him meals, chats with him over a bottle of wine after dinner... She later introduces him to the paintings of her friend, Jean, whose grandmother came to America as black woman in post slavery society. The paintings in the B&B attic are of "spirit gods" the black woman's ancestors worshipped.

We do learn that the mysterious Paul is actually a doctor who lost a patient on the operating table and has come to make peace with the family who live in Rodanthe. He is divorced and homeless, heading for Equador to reconcile himself to his estranged son who runs a clinic there. James Franco plays Dr. Paul's son.

So for four lo-o-ong days which involves both of them having a fit of anger over things not going as they planned... involving drinking and adultery during the hurricane and her going from considering reconciling with her husband to waiting for this stranger she spent four days with to return from Equador. The scene of her making the choice to end her marriage and sharing that with her children was not only painful - it made me not like Adrienne much. Maybe that is because I saw a bit of the old me in her. Saying "I have to do this for me. My kids may hurt but they will get over it, I deserve to be happy."

Please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that an affair is not grievous and worthy of ending a marriage. But, when there is repentance and there is an offer to reconcile - especially in cases where children are involved - I am of the mindset that the only answer is to try to make it work before jumping in bed with the first man who comes to town with knowing eyes and a whimsical smile. Come on, It's Richard Gere. This movie could have ended sooner. It was just too painful for me to watch as I cried out in my head, "You don't know what you are doing to your kids. "

God has a plan for marriage and families! He has a glorious plan and that is whyI will see Fireproof again before its run in theaters is over and I will not be recommending Nights in Rodanthe to anyone this fall.