Date Night and Leadership Presbytery

A Few Pics...

Scott, my warrior/Knight in cowboy gear!



My stunning outfit...

The Couple headed out for

Dinner at Rockfish,

Presbytery at church,

and Dessert at the Cheesecake Factory.

Putting to work that decorator gift I had called out...

I painted this picture in a couple of hours on Sunday.

It represents Scott's Presbytery in picture.

On Thursday evening last week, our church offered us the opportunity to be blessed, encouraged and called forth according to the giftings and callings God has placed in us both individually and as a couple.

I have recently commented on this blog about how the gift of prophecy is encouraged and presented to the body by the leadership of our home church.

First let me say that we sat in a small room with one other couple and three prophetic team members who offered us words they heard while praying for and asking the Lord about us. We had not ever met any of the five people we shared a room with that night before.

When receiving Presbytery the members are often encouraged to submit the prophetic words to the Lord and only receive what He confirms to us.

Prophetic ministry is administered according to Paul's teachings in 1 Corinthians 14. I pray for two things as I share this with you tonight.

1. That you would glean from the fields the Lord planted for us that night. Pastor Brady Boyd says you can't steal from the Holy Spirit - so if any of the words that follow ring true in your life - take them for yourself.

2. That God's words of encouragement, edification, comfort and exhortation that were spoken to us that night would be made sure - that our calling would be secure and that our submission to His will would bear much fruit.

I pray you are blessed by what you receive.

MICHELLE BENTHAM

Michelle, I see you bringing great beauty into people’s lives. It’s like I see you in a barren room, and you have a basket and you are pulling out these beautiful, beautiful objects. Pottery and Glass and Decorations for the windows, but it’s – I have a feeling that people who are lacking in their lives who don’t have that extra, who don’t have that beauty, who haven’t encountered the living God like you have are drawn to you. And, you champion them. You partner with them to show them the richness of what their true inheritance is. Because what you are pulling out isn’t what you’ve bought, it’s what Jesus purchased for them. And, you are helping them know that they know that they know this is really their inheritance. You are not showing them something that is you. You are showing them themselves. And, I just feel Father’s love for you for doing that. You’ve opened people’s eyes to the richness of Christ, to the richness of their Father God, and you delight His heart.

Well, Michelle, this is what I feel like the Lord wants to say to you. I just, what I heard was that you were a wild flower, perfect and beautiful. You dance with delight and I am so pleased. Your heart of worship is pure, true and strong. I smell a sweet fragrance around you when you dance. I just heard, “Dance, dance, dance!” I don’t know if you dance, but maybe He wants you to dance. Worship Me like never before! I want to spend time with you and I want you to know Me.

Hidden things will be revealed and truth is coming to you about your present situation. You have the gift of wisdom. I want to bring clarity and focus to you.

Jeremiah 33:3 “Ask ME and I will tell you some remarkable secrets about what is going to happen here.”

A Wildflower is a flower that can be hidden on a hill only for My eyes or it can be for the pleasure of any man. That’s how I have made you. You minister to Me, but you also minister to others. You are soft and sweet and you draw people to you.

You know how to navigate people with ease and grace. They are comfortable in your presence and because of this trust they come to you for wisdom and counsel. Speak MY words and speak them often. I have made you to be an encourager and I want you to look for every opportunity to share. It doesn’t have to be heavy, just be available. A word here, a word there, and opportunities will present themselves in ways that will astound.

People just want to be loved. These are hard time. You bring refreshing. Do as I ask and you will develop the gifts within. You are a jewel in my crown!

Michelle, when I prayed for you the first two words that came so clearly were that you are gifted and that you’re treasured. And, the Scripture was in Matthew 6:21 where it says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”(AMP) And I really feel like what the Lord said to me was You are…Because you have…You know where your treasure is. You know where your heart is. You have chosen to plant your heart in Him, and He sees you as a treasure. He sees you as just a very, very precious thing to be cherished, and He does cherish you.

Um… I felt like the Lord said you’ve had great brokenness in your life. Great Brokenness. He took me to Isaiah 61 about beauty for ashes. And, the Lord has been systematically over the last (however long) He has been giving you beauty for those ashes. And what He’s calling you to now is what it says in Isaiah, to bind up the brokenhearted. He’s sending you back! Sometimes it’s going to feel like you’ve gone backwards in your brokenness, you haven’t. You’re whole. You’re healed. But He’s sending you back to that point because there are other people who are broken and they need to be brought back to where you are. They need to be brought forward, that’s what I feel like the Lord’s really calling you to.

Um… The Lord says you are a declarer of good tidings, of glad tidings. You’re like those angels that come in and say, “Holy is the Lord.” You know, “Praise to Him.” You are that kind of a person. And, He’s going to give you more opportunities to share those glad tidings to lift people up. You’re going to turn people into optimists. You’re going to help them see the goodness of the Lord.

I felt like the Lord said you have a mothering spirit. That you are a good mom. You are a special mom. And, that you are a champion of families. And, that you are a champion of your own family. And you have done really, really well at championing your family. And, you’ve changed your family line. From here on out it’s different because of the lines in the sand you’ve drawn. And the Lord just wants to commend you for that. And the song I keep hearing, I don’t usually hear songs so that’s interesting, is that Beatles song, “Michelle, my belle…” And the Lord just said that you are the Love of His Life and the Apple of His Eye, and He just wants you to remember that.

SCOTT BENTHAM
(And As A Couple)

Well, Scott I feel like what the Lord wants to say to you… And, I just felt this so strongly… I just felt like the Lord say that you are a warrior. He is like David, fearless in battle. He can take out the lion or the bear.

So, I went to 1 Samuel. He led me to 1 Samuel 17:34-37 “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and take the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. I have done this to both lions and bears and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who saved me from the claws of the lion and the bear will save me from this Philistine!”

Scott is fearless. He has a heart to shepherd and protect my people. He leads with compassion and strength. You have a real heart of courage. You are a healer and deliver. I mean just a real leader.

Um… I heard the Lord say Lead My People! Stand Strong! I’ve made you to be bold as a lion! And the verse, the Scripture that goes with that is Proverbs 28:1.
“THE WICKED flee when no man pursues them, but the [uncompromisingly] righteous are bold as a lion.” Proverbs 28:1 (AMP)

Um… Don’t shrink back! Move Forward! Always charge the battle, the victory is yours. Don’t stop to look at the enemy but press ahead.

I went, I then felt led to go to 2 Samuel 6:17-21. After David was anointed King, He came to seek God’s face before fighting the Philistines. He asked the Lord if he was to fight them and if he would win. The Lord said, Yes, I will certainly give you the victory. David went on to defeat the Philistines and he named the place Baal-Perazim (which means the Lord who bursts through).
“17 Now when the Philistines heard that they had anointed David king over Israel, all the Philistines went up to search for David. And David heard of it and went down to the stronghold. 18 The Philistines also went and deployed themselves in the Valley of Rephaim. 19 So David inquired of the LORD, saying, "Shall I go up against the Philistines? Will You deliver them into my hand?" And the LORD said to David, "Go up, for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into your hand." 20 So David went to Baal Perazim, and David defeated them there; and he said, "The LORD has broken through my enemies before me, like a breakthrough of water." Therefore he called the name of that place Baal Perazim. 21 And they left their images there, and David and his men carried them away.” 2 Samuel 5:17-21 (NKJV)

I just felt like that you charge the enemy. You believe what God has to say. There is no turning to the left or the right. You are pushing through, you are breaking through, and you are going on to victory. Nothing else will do.

David had many battles and many victories. I am with you just as I was with David. David knew his God. Know Me! Memorize My Word. It will carry you through the tough times to victory. Spend time in My presence with worship. You’re a man after God’s own heart!

(COUPLE) And, I just believe that because of the worship between the two of you, I think God’s hand of protection is upon you. And, I believe you walk in unity. And that is where, Psalm 133 is where because of the unity the oil was poured on Aaron and ran down the beard and because of the unity God commanded a blessing from the throne room. And, I just believe that God will command a blessing from you because you spend time, you worship Him, you know Him. And, I just believe breakthrough is coming.

Psalm 133
1 A Song of Ascents. Of David.
BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant
it is for brethren
to dwell together in unity!
2 It is like the precious ointment
poured on the head,
that ran down on the beard,
even the beard of Aaron
[the first high priest],
that came down upon the collar
and skirts of his garments
[consecrating the whole body].
3 It is like the dew of [lofty]
Mount Hermon and the dew
that comes on the hills of Zion;
for there the Lord
has commanded the blessing,
even life forevermore
[upon the high and the lowly].
Psalms 133:1-3 (AMP)

Scott, I see you dressed like a lumberjack with a huge double-bladed ax. And there are people around you who are trapped. It’s like brambles have grown up, thorns have grown up and trapped them. And, you’re able to go in and clear cut that, and free them. You are a… And, you had no regard for yourself. These are things that could easily attack you. You had… It didn’t matter. All you could see were the people who were captured, and had been taken captive by the enemy. And, you had a plan and you had ability because you knew your God was with you. And, I see you just swinging that double-bladed ax and the things that had captured them just falling off and bringing them forth.

(COUPLE) And, I see you together as a team. As I see you (Scott) bringing forth those that are captured, I see you (Michelle) furnishing the things they’ve never had. And there is just like this open field full of flowers where there were just thorns and thistles before. And, there is a great strength that comes between the two of you being together, and being who you are.

And, the Lord respects you, Scott, for the stand you’ve taken. You didn’t see this growing up, but with eyes of faith you’ve been able to see what your Father’s wanted you to do. And, He admires you, and respects you for the walk you’ve chosen to do with Him.

Scott, I also heard that you’re a warrior. And, um…What I heard the Lord say was Stand Tall. Root yourself on the front lines and don’t move. I’ve given everything over into your hands. And, I really felt very strongly that the Lord was just saying that sometimes there is definite temptation to retreat, but you don’t have a reason to. You only need to retreat if you are losing, and you’re not losing. And, you’re not going to lose. And, so, that fear doesn’t need to be there. You can just give that fear over to the Lord, and let it go because there isn’t a reason to fear. You’ve already won. And, now it’s just a matter of carrying out the rest of the battle.

Um… the Lord said you have such a heart of tenderness and compassion. And, that is interesting because it seems like that is the juxtaposition of a warrior. Warriors are thought to be so strong and tough and hard. And, yet inside you have such tenderness and compassion. You know what you are fighting for, and the Lord really wants to commend you for that because that’s so important that you’re heart has stayed tender. It’s stayed tender to Him, it’s stayed tender to people.

The Lord said that you are a faithful friend. And, that’s going to come into play more and more because there are some important and significant friendships that are coming your way. And they’re not only going to help to advance the plans and the calling of what the Lord’s doing in your life – what He’s calling you to do. But, they’re also going to minister to you. They are going to give back some of the things that you’re giving out. And the Lord is wanting you… It’s going to be a good season. It’s going to be a very good season so treasure those relationships.

Um…And, I felt like the Lord said you have a prophetic gift. I don’t know if it is something that is active right now or if it is something that is coming, but I felt like the Lord said you’re a Seer. That He’s going to be showing you things in the future, and He’s going to be showing you the people and the places where you’re going to be assigned. And, I felt like it was going to be in the marketplace. That you have a calling to the marketplace. And you’re going to be assigned and charged with taking the church into the world. And there are going to be some very significant strides that you make in the world. That you are going to show people who don’t know otherwise that church is not a building. Church is what God does in your heart. That that’s what’s important.

So… I just want to encourage you that the Lord has very significant things for you. Very significant, very important things that He’s going to call you to do. And, um… You have a good wife by your side who going to support you. And, um… the Lord’s already placed in you what you need to be able to do this. It’s all there.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, Lord God we love you and we thank you. We just give you praise. Lord I just thank you for the heart of courage you have placed within this man. Lord, I thank you that he is out there, that he is a warrior, that he is fighting battles, that he is looking out for Your people that you’ve called him to be a shepherd. Father, I thank you that He has no fear. And, that he charges the enemy and the enemy just doesn’t get away with anything. Lord, I ask that You strengthen him and give him courage. And, Lord, just let him always see… let him see in the natural what’s in the supernatural. Father, I just ask that You stir up those gifts within him, and just give him the opportunities and the open doors. I thank You that You are Baal-Perazim, You are the Lord of breakthrough. And, that you are breaking through.

And God, I thank You so much for Michelle. I thank You for her heart of worship. And, I thank You that she draws people, that she refreshes that she brings encouragement. And Father we just praise You, I thank You that You’re going to show her those great and mighty things that she does not know. That You are bringing her into clarity and focus and revelation. Father, they’re a good team, and I ask that You protect their marriage. Just put a wall of fire around them.

Father I just thank You so much that as a couple they stand before Your throne and raise their hands in praise to who You are. Father, we can see a man and a woman but you see a Diety – You see them together – you see them portraying Jesus and the Church. And, that love that pours forth from them draws many to them. Father, I thank You for both of them and You stir up the gifts of prophecy and whatever means You have for them. Father I just have a sense that it is very deep and very strong in both Scott and Michelle. And that Father you are bringing them into a new season of being exactly who You intend them to be in the body. That the prophecy will pour forth from them to those who are hurt, who are lame, who are dying and will bring them encouragement, comfort, deliverance and freedom. Father, I just thank You that You are their provisioner that everything they need for life and godliness You provide for them. And, Father we just thank You that You pour Your blessing on them because they are so dear to Your heart. You cherish who they are, and Father we just thank You for the gift they are to the body.

Gratitude Post

Where to Begin...

"God is good all the time...All the time God is good."

Praise Reports: Funeral Arrangements are set and there has been just nearly enough money collected from family members to make the payment on the services. PRAISE, PRAISE the Lord.

Deanna is doing better by her own report. She has had some very difficult days and tough decisions in the last 72 hours but it is good to visit with her and talk about the old days and laugh ourselves silly about our childhood.

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. ~ Proverbs 17:22 KJV

She is very thankful for all the prayers going up on her behalf as well as the generous support of her family. Please continue to pray for the visitation and memorial service tonight and tomorrow. Praise Him with us as well.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Thank you Lord for my Man.

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
~Psalms 33:20~

Our car on the other hand is still not running. But, hubs called a little while ago with what I knew would be a bloggable moment. He was almost breathless as he spoke. I would later realize this was excitement.

Hubs: Hey what are you doing...


Me: Just getting out of bed.


Hubs: Oh. I'm sorry.

Me: What are you doing?


Hubs: Just waiting on fleet to finish with my truck.


Me: What's wrong with your truck?


Hubs: Oh, the change oil light came on and it is about 2,000 miles overdue for an oil change. So they did that. Then they got to checking the lights on my truck and most of them were out so they are changing those, then they are going to change the windshield wipers and do a state inspect on it since it expires next month.

Me: [Thinking... This is so typical of my man I can hardly stand it. He lets things go until a big yellow warning light is flashing over his head!]


Hubs: So... I got to talking to the guys in fleet about the car and they said, not to quote them but it could just be this.... [part, don't remember what - something to do with the idle regulation though]...I'm looking at it in the O'Reillys catalog and it is a $40 part.


Me: Well that would be good, did they show you where it is?


Hubs: Yeah, well they tried to on my truck but it doesn't have one. They looked it up online and said it is either not working or it could be clogged. I might see if I can get in there myself and fix it.


Me: [Silent.]


I'm really never at a loss for words, but oh my goodness... He totally left me speechless. My husband never... did I say never... yes, never volunteers to fix our cars himself. He won't even change the oil. I think I might be beaming with pride over his motivation and ingenuity. I'm so shocked and excited all at the same time. I love my man.


In the meantime...we are driving my dad's truck (on it's last proverbial leg as well) but it is getting us here and there. So... Good news all around.

And if it is not the idle thingy then we have applied for a car loan and are going to get another vehicle - pretty much either way we're getting another vehicle... So please pray for favor, wisdom and necessity to rule over wants, desires and pride. It can go to our head you know.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. ~ Psalm 116:7 (NIV)

A Few of My Favorite Things... 'Bout Him!

**WARNING!! SAPPY, GOOEY, OOEY, STUFF ENCLOSED** READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
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Last night younger child said to me, "You too are like OOEY, GOOEY, MUSHY kind of people now!" YEAH!

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She said this because I was heading out to Bible study and realized I had not had a good long embrace and kiss from my hubs since picking him up from work yesterday. So, he offered me a peck on the cheek and I said, "Oh No, No, No."
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I put my arm around his waist and said, "We have not had our hug today."
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He said, "Oh well that's cause you been busy running here and there." (TRUE!)
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So we snuggled up in a big hug and exchanged a few sweet kisses and soft words of affection while Taylor let the dog out the back door. She said, "Ya'll are going to be all mushy now aren't you."
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She then reframed that statement. "I mean, in a good way."
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I love it. I reminded her this is what a healthy relationship looks like when you have a license for it.
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I was all warm and fuzzy as I stepped out into the cool night to make my way to Bible study.
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NUGGET FROM BIBLE STUDY: Taken from the story of Gideon in Judges 7 - Spiritual Battle begins with WORSHIP! Now there is a truth that will set you free. (We are "BREAKING FREE" by the way.)
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I love that man of mine. I returned home to find him reading the book I bought him over the weekend and settled down to resume my task of learning to master Sudoku puzzles. I finished two all by my lonesome last night - WOO! HOO! Small to you, big to me... So deal with it.
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So as Valentine's Day comes upon us I want to tell you a few of my favorite things about that MAN of Mine:
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1. My husband prefers warmer climates to colder ones. And... when it comes to him, SO DO I. We officially met in June and began our journey of love in those HOT, TEXAS SUMMER DAYS. He often would come down after work. My hubs has always been a construction, work outdoors, sweat a lot kind of guy. I must tell you that when he comes in from work and hugs my neck, I get all warm inside. His smell is almost intoxicating. It is a mixture of sweat, laundry soap, cologne and deodorant. It is most definitely uniquely him and it is one of my favorite smells in the whole wide world.
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2. That he never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye. (Second: That these days I'm awake to receive them.) But whether or not I'm conscious for the kissing, he is faithful to wish me well with a sweet kiss goodbye.
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3. The way he looks at me. His eyes were very nearly the first thing I noticed once I started to get to know him. I have written before that he has mood eyes, but in those early days they were that sweet amorous color I have grown to fondly call -"The Color of Fresh Sliced Limes." His eyes on me can make me melt in a second. Maybe less.
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4. The way he looks [PERIOD]. I remember before we even met, and before I knew who he was... He used to swagger around in his hat, his Ws and his boots and I would think... He is just another heartthrob cowboy who'll break a heart in a second and move on. I did not know this man would not even dare ask a woman to dance - but dance with any woman who asked him. I didn't ask. Nevermind the details... I can tell you that the first time we danced together it was because HE, yes, I'll say it again, He asked me. :o) I found my walking, talking dream man in this fella' and I was sure it wouldn't last. As he said after taking the Five Love Languages test, "SURPRISE!" I tell him all the time I loved him all my life... Even before we met he is the man I loved in my dreams.
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5. His hand in mine or at the small of my back. In Hope Floats, Birdie is describing how being with her soon-to-be ex-husband, Bill, made her feel safe. She said, "The way he'd look at me with his eyes, and the way he would put his hand on the small of my back and guide me through a room... It made me feel so safe." Being close to Scott always makes me feel safe. I love it when he takes the lead and even if he lets me walk in front of him - he shows me the way with a quiet reminder of his hand upon my back. It is the sweetest feeling in the world.
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6. And while I'm at it... my favorite sound in the whole world is when I lay my head on his chest and listen to the strength of his heartbeat.
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7. That he has been patiently teaching me to "see" the numbering patterns in Sudoku puzzles. He even checks my answers and lets me figure out what I did wrong! I love it.
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8. WHEN HE PRAYS. This morning he prayed so sweetly to the Lord. We've been at this every morning since the first of the year and the progression of his prayers has touched deep places inside of me. His children are on a prodigal excursion right now and we are praying for them... He asks the Lord to continue the work He is doing in their lives. I told him this morning, "You are asking by faith for something that you cannot see is happening but believe He is doing anyway." Oh how the Lord grows us up! I'm marvelling at the beautiful way He is working in my man's life and through his prayers. GLORY TO GOD! Thank you, Lord so much for giving me a man like Scott who is willing to learn to be the man You have called him out, set him apart and ordained him to be. I love him, so... and You, too.
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9. His Warrior Spirit. My man likes to conquer and not just conquer but to WIN! I almost nagged that warrior spirit right out of him, until I realized God gave him that spirited determination - he gave it really to all men, but so few of them thrive in it anymore. I want him to be the warrior in Christ he is called to be. He is our provider, our protector, and he has been assigned the role of Priest for this family, Prophet for our household and King of our Home. He is learning to exercise his dominion well under the leadership and authority of Christ.
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10. When He says I love you. I am going to include in this when he writes it as well. Almost more so when he writes because I know writing comes so much harder for him. Yesterday's email subject line was: "What if you did not have nail fungus?"
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Okay... That may not be the most romantic thing in the world, but it is funny. He swears to me he typed in "good morning" and the computer ate his words and regurgitated them as "What if you did not have nail fungus?" But I have my suspicions that he was just being funny since we are seeking a treatment for that very thing on his feet. Things that make you go HMMM! I print out his emails and post them around my desk so I can read them throughout the day. They are one of the sweetest things.
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That's my top then things that I just treasure about my man. How about you? What are some things you favor about that man of yours?
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BONUS: A few years ago, my hubs and I were members of a small group at our old church. One night we did the "EMPTY CHAIR" encouragement exercise. I was reluctant to do the turn in the chair 'cause I never quite feel comfortable receiving affirmation.
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The goal was to sit in the chair with your back to the group and then each one would take a turn to say one word or phrase of encouragement or they could identify one positive thing you bring to the group. It seemed like that night each person who sat in the chair was acknowledged by their spouse last. The last member to sit in the chair got to pick the next. When my turn came I wept as I listened to the people I had grown to love, admire and respect the most as my church family called me inspiring and encouraging, deep in the things of God... I could barely stand the words that were spoken because I often feel so unworthy of such accolades. My heart then heard God whisper, "Just listen with your heart."
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My husband, as seemed to be the unspoken rule, shared last. He said, "Michelle does know a lot about the Bible and she does know a lot about God. But for me, I guess the thing she does the most is she explains it in a way that doesn't make me feel [less than her ]* and helps me understand." (* I don't remember the exact word he used there, so rather than lie - I'll just express what it said to us that night.)

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I was UNDONE. The most precious words my man ever said actually spoke this to his wife's heart, "It's okay that my wife loves God so much and spends so much time in His Word because what she does helps me."
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Happy Valentine's Day! Remember Love always, trusts, always protects, always hopes and always perseveres... Love Never Fails. (1 Corinthians 13)

The Sweetest Gift: A Tomato and A Rose... In that Order

Yesterday was grocery day. Hubs, Taylor and I went to the local Wal-Mart* and bought our two weeks worth of food and odd household/personal items. I wanted to get it done before the storms landed on us and with eldest going to work at 5:20 that gave us nearly an hour and a half to get the deed done.
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As I have shared in earlier posts, Hubs and I did the Five Love Languages test and we both ended up with gifts being important but not most important. So... I've been buying him little gifts and even a few really nice ones this past month while I'm out and about during the day. He also bought me a gift on our Date Night Challenge - 15 songs on a Wal-Mart MP3 gift card and bubble bath. I still have not officially decided which is my favorite. For now I will say BOTH.
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He has been very sweet bringing me a candy bar or offering his blow money to buy me a meal. So this week being Valentine's the store was chauk full of pink and red fare. I bought his gift last week and his card a few weeks ago when they first came out. I also bought him four books from Half Price Books that are written by the author he picked up at the Christian book store a week or so ago. He is reading AGAIN! Praise the Lord. He is. I feel like we made a breakthrough there. He used to read these mystical, magical fantasy books when we met. About six years ago, we began to do a spiritual inventory and I expressed concern for those books. He sold all of them.
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God did the same thing two years ago with me about movies. I had quite a collection --- around 400 I would estimate or more. I sold every last one of those movies in a week. God was so funny. Each time I would go back to the store with a new batch to sell - they offered me more money. Not Even Kidding. I would take fewer and fewer DVDs in each time and the value would increase remarkably. Things that make you go HMMMM!

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I remember that my family almost went Berzerk about it. So I only sold the ones I purchased. Which were a lot. The girls have collected some 30 or 40 DVDs since my grand selling adventure but to my delight the desire to purchase movies has all but gone by the wayside. I have "Facing the Giants" and "Fireproof." I bought Scott the movie about Ernie Davis, "The Express," last payday but mostly - we just don't buy movies anymore.

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I digress... and ramble. Back to the story. So we went to Lifeway so I could look through their marraige and family section for good reading material and he meandered through the music section until he found his way back to me. As we were walking back to the front of the store a book caught his eye. It was written by Ted Dekker. I thought - okay, so he could read those. I had told him about the graphic novels Ted Dekker has and we found a few on the shelf. He said he would like to check out a couple of the series that are in the books and if they were like the graphic novels he might be interested. So... We kept looking. On the next aisle, near the end was a package of books wrapped in cellophane. Three novels. One of each of a series of books written by the same author. Stephen R. Lawhead. I thought... HMMM! These look a lot like what he has read in the past. I picked it up. The price: $14.88. I wanted to slap my money on the counter right then and declare "SOLD!" but my husband was not so sure. He perused the copies and said, "For the price, I'll try them."

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Okay. We stepped back around to the other side of the shelf and there was one of the books in the set sitting on the shelf. I handed it to him and suggested he read it a bit. He did and decided to purchase the set. This was two weeks ago today. He has read all three books. We ordered the remaining books in one series and a new series of books from Half.com and then I found the other series he wanted to read at Half Price Books for just over ten dollars. I was so excited. I felt like I was on a real live treasure hunt. WHOO HOO! And I struck gold on Monday.

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Fast Forward. We got our groceries and were all packed into the car with about 20 minutes to spare before eldest had to be picked up from school. That is when it hit me. I'm making hamburgers for supper and I forgot the tomatoes. I had been talking about hamburgers, sold Taylor and Scott both a hamburger and then realized my favorite ingredient was ominously missing. :o(
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I confessed I would have to make hamburgers another day because my mind abandoned Tomatoes completely in the store.
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Hubs asked again what time Britt got out of school and I said, "She has to be at work by 5:20." He said well we can go home and unload and..."

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I told him, "I'll go get her unless you want me to stay home and put away the groceries."

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He said, "No. I'm going to get her."

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Done. We unloaded the groceries while he drove to the school and picked up the girl. After nearly a half hour went buy I got worried. The school is less than five minutes from our house and her work a good ten minutes from there. Plenty of time to get home. I waited another fifteen minutes and called. "Baby, is everything okay?"

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"Yes. I'm just checking out. I went to the store to get the tomato you needed."

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My heart went, "AWE...."
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He assured me he would be right home and I was quite relieved to learn he was indeed safe and on his way home.

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I was head down in a Sudoku puzzle when he got home. He walked through the living room and almost made it to me before I looked up. I saw something in his hand that looked a bit too large to be a tomato and he grinned. My heart melted. He held one beautiful pink rose behind his back and a small bag with a roma tomato in the other.

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The rose was just opening into a beautiful teacup of soft pink petals. He said, "I picked that one because it was the only one that was opened up like that. I like it."

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I put my flower in water and stared at the tomato. I'm going to cry right now just thinking about it.

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My man is precious to the bone. He has spent the last few weeks recapturing my heart in none to few a ways. He has been listening and engaging conversations at deep levels, we have done more "getting to know you" type of work than I could possibly even begin to tell you about. And with patience he seeks to find the words that unlock the doorways to my heart. He writes me sweet little emails nearly two or three times a week and most of all he has begun to open the doors to his own heart to me as well. I'm overwhelmed.

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Last night was a huge milestone. He told me, as I have been telling him lately, with his actions that he hears what I need and he is willing to meet me where I am. All with a rose and a tomato. I need a photograph! :o) (So I went and took one...)

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Stay Tuned... More of our life with the dog is coming up and then... The Great Cake Caper that Taylor and I embarked on last Friday! Yummy....
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Make a Smilebox slideshow

This is a slideshow with pictures from our wedding in 1998. Such a special day...

Rediscovering...

Everybody falls into routines and gets in a rut every now and again... Right? We begin to take things for granted, forget to prioritize and before we know it the whole world is spinning around a Dayplanner, a TV Guide and our kids schedules. Add church and work committments to any social engagements and you have a recipe for losing touch with one another... A Recipe for DISASTER. That is exactly where my husband and I have been these last four or five years.

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DISILLUSIONED.

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DISAPPOINTED.

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DISAGREEING.

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DYSFUNCTIONING. All over the place... Talk about a Misfire.

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My Man, Scott. He is the Love of My Life.

A Gift from God to me.

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Scott is quiet, easy going and loves all manner of sports. Spectator, participation, game fishing and hunting... And he enjoys playing video games. He is competitive to the bone, and well with competition comes a strong... Did I say STRONG? Yes, a STRONG. DESIRE. TO. WIN. He has a Warrior Spirit.

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He is strong, handsome and rugged. He has a great laugh and a smile that can turn me into a puddle in the floor in two seconds flat. He has a huge heart and loves to play with children. He can see my soul with those "MOOD EYES" of his. I'm not kidding. When he is angry they turn a dark and stormy gray. Other times he can be discouraged or sad and they turn blue. Most of the time when he is just in his routine they are a smoky hazel color, but when he is feeling amorous and looking on me with those eyes I see the color of Fresh Sliced Limes. A cool, refreshing green. No kidding, those eyes on me make my stomach quiver and my knees weak. All he has to do is look my way. And, that's the thing... We spent everyday after of the last four years together without really seeing each other.

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I confessed in my last post that I have largely taken him for granted and wounded him in the process. The truth is this: when Scott came into my life I was by every measure of the words: MESSED. UP. I had been abused, neglected, unloved and needy in the area of men since my middle teenage years. I didn't believe in love, the fairy tales I had grown up believing I would live or that a really good man existed anymore. In short, besides my father... Men leave. They leave you broke and broken. Wounded. Alone. They just leave. I was good for a while, but not a lifetime... Or at least that is the message I received over and over again.

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Scott came along with his own baggage. Baggage he might have wanted to keep packed away in a closet in the recesses of his mind somewhere - but, Scott married a "digger." I don't want to be with my man, I want to know I am in his heart and on his mind and I'm not competing with anybody for first place. I want to know about his past and how it affects our future. I just want to know every stinking detail. I want to hold onto him, love him, be near him and just stare at him if I want to for a whole afternoon or more. I love being in his arms where I have felt so safe. Loving my man is what I believed I had been put on this earth to do. So What Happened?

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Life happened. That's what.

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Blended families are never easy. Put a dreamy-eyed, obsessive-compulsive woman with worthiness issues in charge of the new family home and you've got unhappy kids, a confused husband and emotional turmoil errupting all over the place. I wanted us to be "One Big Happy Family." Yeah Right?

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We had two oldest boys - Alpha Males, if you will. Two youngest girls - Princesses no doubt. And we had one girl who remained neutral like Switzerland until recent months. I routinely would set about making new "family" traditions. Required family interaction and truly believed we were the Brady Bunch minus one and in desperate need of a housekeeper. Not really! I'm pretty good at the housekeeping game if I set my mind on it. It just NEVER. Did I say Never? Yes, It is NEVER a priority.

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Hubs and I stopped sitting next to each other while we watched television. We rarely went to bed at the same time and often I felt shut out and alone. Eventually we stopped doing things together most of the time. And after Justin died, I shut him out, too. I didn't know how to reach him, I needed him desperately and I was afraid that my emotional state would drive him further away. I played it strong. I played it long. I went my own way. I returned to destructive patterns and tendancies from my past. I felt REJECTED. ANGRY. ALONE.

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I poured myself into prayer, God and the calling I sensed He had on my life. I pursued it with the passion I had once sought after my husband with... And Scott had a new Competitor to match against. My God. I wish I could say that I didn't know things were wrong and growing worse all the time, but I did. I just felt helpless to undo the damage. He wouldn't talk so I would try to confess, but his lack of response to my confessions discouraged me and drove me further away.

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In August I realized my husband's heart was hard and I was the primary reason for that hardness. Yes, he made choices, too. But, for me - it was undeniable. Both God and Scott's Wife had no place in his life any longer. I had run off and left him there stuck in the muck of our marriage and pursued what I wanted and needed more than anything else - to be validated, appreciated and valued. I found it in a room full of women who heard my voice, saw my tears and responded in love. I turned to those friendships in place of the confidence and love of my husband and I failed him in every way.

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I confessed all of this to him then, but he did not have ears to hear it. I asked him weekly - "Is everything okay between us?"

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His answer was always the same. "Yes."

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"If it weren't would you tell me?"

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His assurance, "Yes, I would."

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Okay... So I pressed on. Growing further and further apart.

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Three weeks or so ago my husband exploded on me and poured all the hurt and angry feelings he had been harboring in his heart against me. He laid it on hard and thick and all I could do was weep and apologize. Sit at his feet and ask his forgiveness. I was heartsick, heartbroken and awoke the next morning with fresh vision and invigorated to restore what had been lost. But how? I was still guessing. The only iron clad thing I knew I could do to help him was to be more than on time - but, be early when getting ready to go somewhere. So, I pressed the envelope.

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The weekend after Christmas I also learned I was not the only one with sins to confess. My husband's choices began to come to light in high fashion. Some of my worst fears were realized, and others were allayed. I confessed to God in those early moments as the crisis point threatened to rob me of my faith... "I can't do this... I'm not strong enough."

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God said, "Yes, my child, you are. You have all the strength you need in you in Christ. He is in you. Trust that."

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I persisted in my argument, but each time I heard - "Yes, you can."

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My husband is not a bad man... He is a wounded man. A disappointed man... A man confused about life and his value to me. A man who lost sight of God and in those moments of weakness sought to escape the pain of his life. It could happen to anyone of us... It happened to him. The harder I pressed into God, the further away he ran. I made him a man without honor. I destroyed the man I hoped he'd become with my pressing and pushing... My willfulness and yes, even my rebellion. My faith overshadowed him like nightfall and my personality doesn't leave much room for a partner. All the things I longed for I systematically shut down in my marriage with the choices I made.

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We have spent the last week and a half sorting through the messiness of all our confessions. Forgiving and apologizing over and over again. Truth is prevailing. Love is prevailing. God is prevailing. We took the "Five Love Languages" test from Dr. Gary Chapman's book and I was so blown away and humbled by his responses.

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After we took the test and shared our love language results, we exchanged answer sheets. I read each statement and felt like my eyes were opening for the first time the man inside that I so longed to know and love. I wept tears of regret and tears of joy all at the same time. I read and re-read the statements and they were like water to my parched and aching heart. A refreshing view of my husband's heart. He, on the other hand, looked like the cat that ate the canary. He was so pleased with outcome of his test ... I had to laugh as I confessed, "I would have never put that on you... Never in a million years."

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With a playful waggle of his eyebrows he said, "SURPRISE!" And Surprise was a good word for it.

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A gift renewed.

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Our love languages are actually very compatible and very complimentary to one another. We began to explore the nuances of our particular language and expressed our love in renewing and refreshing sorts of ways. The more we activated our love languages and met the others needs, the more we talked about what had been underlying all the pain and hurt we had been feeling and pushing each other away with.

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To God's glory, He has walked each step of the way with us. Our hearts still hurt in immeasurable ways, but God is working healing out as only He can. We are simply complying.

At Christmas I had no clue what to do next...

But these pictures tell a story my heart has been longing to hear.

Me and My Man. I do love Him so...

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This morning as we sat in the car and shared our quiet time, this is the verse of Scripture that God shared with us... "Now I will tell you what the Lord has declared: He said to me, "You are My son. Today I have become your father. If you ask Me, I will give you the nations; all the people on earth will be yours." Psalm 2:7-8

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We prayed together and this time I started and he closed... these last few days he has started and I have closed. I prayed for all that we discussed in our few moments of quiet surrender. I confessed, praised, made intercession and waited. My husband then began to pray, his struggle was great. But, for the first time I heard him say the words of confession I needed to hear. He confessed to God that he had been wrong in the two primary choices he had made that hurt our marriage. I wept and felt something physically being removed between us. He has prayed for our marriage consistently when we pray together and he is committed to seeing this through. I've never been more humbled or more proud of my man.

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As I lay in his arms last night, I asked, "Did you think of me today?"

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His reply: "Yes."

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"What did you think?"

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"How much I missed and how good it would be to see you again."

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Glory to God our hearts are being restored to one another. And I can say once again:

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"I have found the one that my heart loves." Song of Songs 3:4

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A Family Holiday, Lots of Words and Pictures

It is not unusual for our holidays and special occasions to be marred with some sort of tragedy. Justin's death happened the day after our 7th wedding anniversary, my uncle passed away last year on Taylor's Birthday and this year, Travis and Megan lost their maternal grandfather on Travis' birthday, December 23rd. We spent a couple of hours with them at the hospital that day and we hurt for them because this was such a difficult goodbye.

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At the hospital that afternoon before her grandfather died, Megan walked out of the room in tears and fell into her father's arms and just held onto him weeping. It was the most precious moment I have experienced with Scott and his kids. Scott was so worried about how she was doing... His baby needed him and he needed to be there for her. It was indeed precious. I hurt so deeply for those kids in that loss, I wept tears.

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We spent Christmas Eve with all our kids and his family at his parent's home. Mother-in-love made hubby's absolute favorite dish... STUFFED SHELLS. (I just called and got the recipe! ;o) She is a second generation Italian from upstate New York and my hubs loves her Italian cooking. He has fond memories of family dinners with his mother's family when they lived up north. His grandmother spoke English, but was full Italian when she was upset. He laughs when he says you knew when Grandma was not happy. It is always good eats at Granny's house. We opened our Christmas gifts and visited for a couple of hours before returning home with Scott's children to observe our family communion, take family photographs and open a few family gifts. Meg and Travis received their main gift from us on Tuesday at the hospital. We had gotten them cell phones and wanted them to have them while they were at the hospital. Scott read the Christmas Story from Luke 2 and I administered the elements. It was the perfect end to a wonderful evening.

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We had a terrific time really. I've included the family photos at the end of this post. His kids are beautiful, terrific kids. We attended the visitation for their grandfather on the Friday after Christmas at the funeral home and an older member of the family pulled Scott aside and told him how impressed and how well he thought of Scott's children. Travis called a few nights ago to say he had applied to go to aeronautics school in Oklahoma. He dreams of being an aircraft mechanic like his uncle and his grandfather on his mother's side of the family. Megan is just a half a year or so from being Sweet Sixteen. She is a beautiful young lady and she loves her family much. She simply dotes on her little sister, Chelsea (from her mom's second marriage). Chelsea is about 18 months old and just all adventure.

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My girls have absolutely nixed the idea of marriage and grandchildren for the time being so one night while Scott and I babysat, Megan and Travis came for a visit. I asked Megan, "Do you think... like maybe in 20 years of so... not anytime soon, but I mean, well - Do you think you might have kids someday?" She giggled and said, "Well yeah, just not soon."

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I clapped my hands and said, "Oh Boy, I'm going to have grandbabies." Someday.

Anyway... that is a silly tale.

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At the funeral home Megan and I sat with her cousin, Dylan (he is her step-father's nephew). He had a Highlights workbook and was busy doing all the Search and Finds he could do. So we helped. He is so cute at age 5 years old. He went in with his parents to the visitation room and came out downcast and teary-eyed. He said, "Mom's going to cry. She always cries at these."

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But, quickly his mind came back to the task at hand and we busily found all his objects of interest on the pages of his book. We even did some spelling together. It was quite delightful. He told me he got a Wii for Christmas and I asked if I could come and play at his house, he said YES! All Right! Work out here I come.

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My nephew and niece also got a Wii for Christmas. When I asked William if he would let me come work out at his house he said, "No, we don't have a Wii Fit."

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I laughed. I said, "Any Wii would be a workout for me."

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When the kids finally left on Christmas Eve, I set about printing out the pictures to give away on Christmas day at my family's gathering. I think I finally crawled into bed around midnight or one o'clock. The next morning we milled around and I cooked the Sopapilla Cheesecake that Amanda shared with us over at the LPM blog months back. YUMMY!

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Hubs requested this specific dessert as we were having a Feliz Navidad kind of Christmas at Mom's house. Mexican food was the delight of the day. Mom made her delicious Chicken Enchiladas... I think there may be a recipe on this blog for that somewhere. No time to type it out today. I made the cheesecake and Chicken Tortilla Soup. My Sister-in-love brought her whole clan and they had corn salsa... I heard it was good but never ate a bite. I fed the baby the beans from it though. Baby Wyatt is a living doll. I got great video of him playing in a box and climbing the stares at my parent's house. Of course, that video would be on Grandma's camera... so alas, I have nothing here to share.

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So the run down of all the holiday goods:

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Scott and I both generally receive money from both our parents, this year all our kids did, too. My Dad wrote a humorous note about how he could have given me a diamond or furs but he decided not to let me miss all the after-Christmas shopping sales. HA!

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I received a digital photo frame from my Sister-in-love. Hubs and an Enviro Scapes fountain from Sister-in-love's generous sister, Jessie. The girls got all sorts of bath stuff and home-knit toboggan and scarf sets. Hubs got a very nice dresser caddy for his what-nots and such. I loved putting that little thing in place and loading all his various items in it. The best gift, hands down... Was the little Ride me/Walk behind Lion that my parents got Wyatt. He was toddling around in no time flat with a big, sweet smile on his face. PRECIOUS.

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Mom got a special cookbook that included many of Scott and Steph's favorite Recipes (that's my brother and his wife.) They put our mom's favorites in along with Steph's family favorites and came up with a great family keepsake.

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My favorite gifts were from my hubs and the girls. Taylor got me a precious Sterling Silver necklace with little diamond accents in the shape of a heart with a butterfly on it. Cut into the sides of the heart is the word love. Beautiful. Brittany got me a sweet little Jewelry box that has a picture frame top with a matte that spells out the word HOPE and I can insert my own photos into the back. I loved it. Hubs got me a new MP3 player - it has 4GB of memory and I found an I-Home for it at Marshalls that works great and is quite portable and affordable. I loved it. He took me looking and we settled on a couple of different ones - then he bought me the one he wanted me to have. I'm very pleased and grateful he chose this one. Apparently all the way to my parent's house on Christmas day I was praising and worshipping the Lord to my new MP3 player and none to quietly. No one had the heart to tell me I was singing loud and the girls sat in the backseat giggling the whole hour-long trip. [CHAGRIN!]

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In the car as we started back hubs patted my leg and said, "Maybe this time you could... Uh... Sing a little quieter. I didn't want to interrupt you and I thought you'd get mad if I turned up the radio." OOPS! :o)

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What joy we had at Christmas in spite of the loss. We spoke to my middle brother by phone that evening and stayed the night playing Rummy 5000 with my parents... No bragging here, but I snookered 'em! I Won! Oh Yes, I did.

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I had given hubs his gift the night before. He and the girls had gotten new cell phones earlier in the month and I got him several new nice dress shirts to wear. After Christmas I spent half my Christmas cash on a new "dressy" windbreaker and shirts as well as a few things for me like an IRON. Okay... enough about the iron. I had such a good time shopping.

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Speaking of shopping... The day after Christmas the girls and I were off to the mall. BIG - Big Mistake... HUGE! To quote Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. That was a nightmare and a headache all at the same time. I did get some great stuff, but WHEW! I could barely stand the two hours I gave the girls to shop before rushing home.

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This week has been both a good and a tough week. I will just say it has come to light that hubs and I need to work on our marriage and dealing with that sort of stuff is often messy, mostly an opportunity to receive a blessing and almost always HARD. God is so faithful and He is seeing us through. Which to my delight is just where I want to be. As Beth Moore says, "I want me a JESUS Year." But not just for me, for my whole family. [Insert Shameless request for Endless Prayer for my husband and I... THANK YOU!]

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We spent New Year's Eve day sorting through our marital junk and ended it by going to the annual NYE Prayer Service at the church. Afterwards we went to see the movie "Bedtime Stories" with Adam Sandler which I was surprised to find was a delightful children's movie about goals, dreams and family. No really inappropriate humor - Delightful.

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Yesterday I finished getting things in order around our house. We took down the tree and put up the two new bookshelves Scott got me last weekend. I also got a new iron, but I may write a whole new post for the iron - I am so excited about my iron and that's almost silly.

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So... today Hubs went back to work after a two weeks of Vacation. I miss him already. He is the most loving and generous man I've ever known - and if we are confessing in the James sort of fashion... I've not always appreciated him as I should. New Year's bring new beginnings and I am seeing My Man with new eyes this year. Serving him with a heart full of love and redeeming a covenant that could have been lost had we let it go. But, today we stand and we stand firm on the promises of God. He will not leave us or forsake us. Discretion says I should not go on with this train of thought. I just want you all to know I have the best husband in the whole entire world and I love him with a heart full of gratitude for all he has brought to my life. They don't come any better than him - I love him.

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So... as they say on the big stage - "On With the (Picture) Show"

This is our family: That's me and Scott (aka hubs, My Man) down front. The middle row are Scott's children Travis on the left and Megan on the right. Brittany and Taylor are bringing up the rear and they are all absolutely beautiful to me. My family truly is my heart. I love them so.

Our kiddoes

Top row are the two oldest - Brittany, 19 and Travis 18

Second Row are the two youngest - Megan, 15 and Taylor 17

Where does the time go? Brittany starts college in a few weeks and Travis will graduate the end of this year. Taylor will be a Senior Next Year and Megan the following year. Oh MY! At least we don't quite have an empty nest yet! Momma is having some Pre-Empty Nest Jitters. Though, my girls live with us and Scott's with their mother... Still it always seems too soon.

My Beautiful Babies. Brittany and Taylor. Tall, Beautiful and Confident....

But more than that - they are godly. They know the Lord and they love Him.

Taylor (right) absolutely amazes me... She has such a heart to pray and minister to others. She often spends all her "gift" money buying other people presents, she prays for others, looks up Scripture and has frequent Bible Study by text message. She witnesses by reading her Bible at school and striking up conversations that engage the spiritual with her teachers. She has even given out our pastor's book to one of her teachers. She is a dream to me... So spirited, passionate and full of heart.

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Last night I was in the middle of a holy fit in the laundry room really feeling quite sorry for my self and throwing wet clothes back and forth between the washer and dryer and then hitting and kicking the poor machine a few times for good measure. That's when I felt two hands on each of my shoulders. I didn't know my girls were home.

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Brittany walked in and just held onto me. Then she hugged me very tightly and tried to give me an excuse to continue to act like a child. Though Scott and I have done most of our discussing of personal issues behind closed doors - she guessed the problem. And she made it very clear - she is on my side and mad at him. So sweet, but it came with an exhortation from her momma. "You have to show Scott respect and love him because in spite of anything you may have figured out he has done... I am equally responsible for I have neglected my husband." She protested and said that I had much right to scream and cuss and cry if I wanted to... But I could not agree, "I must be gracious with my husband and serve him as my Lord has been gracious and cared for me."

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That is when Brittany accidentally brought much needed comic relief to the very intense moment. She said, "I am on Team Momma." I heard... "I am a Teen Momma." I thought - Oh Great, with everything else going on now my unwed daughter is pregnant. The look on my face must have been worth about well... let's just say shock and disbelief are not strong enough for what I was thinking. So I asked:

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"Are you preg-nant?"

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And it is about this time I learn my other daughter is also at home... (They were supposed to be out with friends.) She walks by and without a flinch or a waver of emotion she says, "If she was pregnant I would probably beat the crap out of that guy."

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Okay... so Brittany is sitting in the floor in a pile of unwashed laundry nearly crying she is laughing so hard. I am doubled over the dryer raucously heaving and hi-cupping. I nearly coughed up a lung I laughed so hard. I have heard about the gift of laughter when the Spirit brings a fit of releasing laughter to you in intense moments. Because, while this was funny... I was not in a laughing mood.

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I could not stop laughing ya'll.

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All the pent up ugly I had carried into the laundry room was released with a fit of very appropriate laughter. She did the instant replay after the fits of hilarity died down and we started again. It made me feel so good. My youngest knew I had been discouraged lately and came home last night with a six pack of old-style bottle Coca-Cola, a large box of Crunch-N-Munch and a movie size box of Sweet Tarts. She said, "We're going to watch a movie." I was much too tired last night - but we have a date for tonight when we get home from dinner. I love it. She doesn't know that the real gift is Quality Time!

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Yes, Yes... These are indeed my girls.

We do not see Megan and Travis as often as we'd like...

But, we have been seeing them more and now I have these terrific pictures to share!

These pictures were a really awesome gift for me.

My Brittany used her camera to snap the shots either with a timer or behind the thing.

She said that I must give her credit.

I took the photos of my girls and the four kids. She took the rest.

Above is a great shot of Scott with his children.

Below is one of my very favorite pictures of all time...

Me and my girls.

And this, is my beloved and me.

(He still makes me swoon... Seriously when he is in his boots and jeans I just feel all weak in my knees... !)

Second only to the Savior and Lord, Scott is very much my other half.

I don't want to be right, I want to be right with my man and my Lord.

Okay... the last shot.

I love this picture. At our wedding we were both so nervous that my cousin said, "At least look like you like each other." I don't remember how we got into this pose, but I remember looking at Scott and saying something to the effect that I wanted him to get close to me so we looked like we liked each other... He smiled big and I was looking into those smoky hazel... sometimes cool green eyes of his (He has Mood Eyes ya'll)... And Big Girl snapped the picture. It is such a fun, free and beautiful shot. I framed it and put it on the end table where he sits to watch television. A prophetic vision for now and always... Us Happy Together.

HAPPY NEW YEAR SWEET BLOGGY FRIENDS... I count myself so blessed!

Tuesday's In Other Words: No Regrets, Just Gratitude

For more information about this writing challenge please visit Loni at Writing Canvas by clicking the link above.

“And I don’t regret the rain,
And the nights I felt the pain,
And the tears I had to cry some
of those times along the way.
Every road I had to take,
Every time my heart would break -
It was just something that I had to get through
To get me to you…”

As sung by Lila McCann,
“To Get Me To You” [Hope Floats Soundtrack]

As Thanksgiving approaches this year, the words to this song resound in my head in so many ways. I had this song played at our wedding ten years ago because I had lived such a rough existence prior to meeting the "love of my life," Scott. He swept in like a knight on a white horse and brought such good things to my life and the lives of my children. But, most of all, he stood by me through thick and thin, loved me unconditionally and overlooked a sordid and ugly past in favor of a future with me. He has willingly taken on the responsibility of my three children and brought to my life the beauty of his own. I was so thankful to be marrying a man like him, and I knew God had brought us together for a reason. I thank God for him everyday.

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Scott's love made my past worth the journey.

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WHY?

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Because I valued it more, and I appreciate him more. He made me want to be a better person and our marriage and his lack of faith drove this family straight into the arms of God. So, I don't regret the rain or the pain or the tears or any of the umpteen million things that happened that made me feel I was "a used up woman with three kids." A broken down mess, damaged goods. Because my story mirrors the redemption of Christ and the adulterous woman. I can love much, because the love I have received has forgiven much and I can tell people who are living where I had lived that there is hope, and future and promise in God's plan for them --- I am living proof.

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Would I do it differently - maybe, maybe not. I would have done what I knew to do at the time. Now that I know better I can walk forward and leave the past where it belongs, under the blood of Christ, forgiven on the cross where I have confessed my sins to Him, and as far as the east is from the west - remembered no more.

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Since Justin's death I have learned a new lesson, that life is way too short to live in regret... So I move forward by choice. Living everyday fully, with God and my family and loving every minute of this life He has given me. And, today I can forgive others and remember their sins against me no more... a life lived with NO REGRETS.

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Thank You Lord Jesus, for dying on the cross for my sins, for redeeming a wretched sinner such as I. Thank You even more for redeeming my past, my tears, my pain and my shame and mending them into a beautiful tapestry that tells the story of Your beautiful grace. I cannot fathom it, and I cannot often see what you see in me, but I am grateful for the journey, the love and the promise you have bestowed upon all who call upon Your name. You are a good God and I for one am thankful you are my God and Your love sees me through. It is in Your sweet name I pray, Amen.