Twenty Years Ago Today...

Twenty years ago today God blessed me with a gift of life and love that would remain with me for 17 years and then leave me for a better promise in Heaven. Justin's 20th Birthday is today, just about 45 minutes ago this very hour. 20 years ago my son came into this world. The following is based on an excerpt from my "Justin Journal" which I have kept off and on since his passing from this life into the next two and one-half years ago! I wrote it a few short weeks after he went home to heaven. I pray you're a blessed by what you read... I was blessed by God to have him so long and to know his destiny and his life are now in Heaven with our Lord. There is Joy in my heart this beautiful March day as the sun shines warm and I remember the day God gave me a little justice in a tiny bundle of warm pink flesh.
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The picture to the above was taken when Jay was 3 weeks old. He was the only baby in the hospital where we lived until just hours before we went home. However, when the pictures of my baby arrived a couple of weeks later in the mail, we discovered that it was not my baby in the envelope! I looked at the picture and said, well he has that sleeper, but that is not Justin. Finally, after sending us a second set of pictures of someone else's baby... The hospital finally brought us in to have new pictures made. So his pictures are beautiful and full of personality --- though I would have loved them just the same if his face was all pinched and pinked from the trauma of birth! He's my baby!

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September 10, 2005

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Before there was anyone else, there was Justin. He came into this world a pink, squawling mess. He was a big boy weighing in at a little more or less than 8.5 lbs. I cannot recall exactly just now, but what I do remember is knowing he was a boy from the beginning. I yearned for a girl, I planned for a boy. I was a young high school senior and a sonogram never revealed the true gender of my baby... I just knew.

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His Name: Justin - (after the boot company) it means justice. Brant - means branded. Newsom - my father's name. I wanted him to be a cowboy, to ride bulls and love the things of the west. That was my plan.

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He was born on a warm, crisp Friday afternoon: March 11, 1988. His birthday always fell in or around Spring Break. That year it was the Friday before Spring Break. He had been due on February 23rd, but his stubborn streak was already evident making everyone wait two more full weeks before hurrying into life after a little prompting from Dr. Jack Graham. He was born at 1:42 PM at Hood General Hospital in Granbury, Texas. Just miles from the family home. He was the firstborn son to Michelle R. Newsom. A 17 year old Senior at Granbury High School. She was not married at the time, there was no father to welcome this son.

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The labor was induced, and after 6 and 1/2 hours she pushed hard three times and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Grandma was by his mother's side, the doting mother and the perfect labor coach. Grandpa and "Auntie" Michelle (Mommy's best friend) were standing just outside the delivery room door. They each would push the door open and a nurse standing on the other side would press it closed again.

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"IT'S A BABY!" Mommy was heard to exclaim as she caught sight of her newborn son half exposed fresh from her womb. Grandma was with her the whole way, she was so strong, so good. She taught Mommy how to be a mom in those early days after her grandson was born. When Dr. Graham handed Grandma the scissors and held out the umbilical cord, Grandma only hesitated a moment before cutting the cord that would make that little one independent of his mommy for life.

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His first gulp of air sounded like music as each melodic note rang out. Tears were streaming down my face as the warm, wriggling baby boy, covered in fresh afterbirth, was gently laid upon his momma's breast.

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Love at first sight. My son. My heart never knew such love, my life has never been the same. He hurried in at the last minute, when the nurses' were telling me that I had hours left before I would deliver. I had told the nurse I thought he was coming, but she said that she knew I would be in labor at least six more hours before he would come. The she checked my cervix and cleared the room. Moments later I would catch the first glimpse of my son.

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I loved you, Justin before we ever met. You have left a huge hole in my world and I miss you so much.

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PSALMS 139

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1 A David psalm

God, investigate my life;

get all the facts firsthand.

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2 I'm an open book to you;

even from a distance,

you know what I'm thinking.

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3 You know when I leave

and when I get back;

I'm never out of your sight.

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4 You know everything I'm going to say

before I start the first sentence.

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5 I look behind me and you're there,

then up ahead and you're there, too—

your reassuring presence, coming and going.

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6 This is too much, too wonderful—

I can't take it all in!

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7 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of your sight?

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8 If I climb to the sky, you're there!

If I go underground, you're there!

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9 If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon,

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10 You'd find me in a minute—

you're already there waiting!

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11 Then I said to myself,

"Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

At night I'm immersed in the light!"

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12 It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;

night and day, darkness and light,

they're all the same to you.

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13 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside,

then out; you formed me in my mother's womb.

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14 I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!

Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

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15 You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

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16 Like an open book,

you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I'd even lived one day.

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17 Your thoughts—

how rare, how beautiful!

God, I'll never comprehend them!

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18 I couldn't even begin to count them—

any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

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19 And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!

And you murderers—out of here!—

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20 all the men and women who belittle you,

God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations.

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21 See how I hate those who hate you,

God, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;

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22 I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.

Your enemies are my enemies!

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23 Investigate my life,

O God, find out everything about me;

Cross-examine and test me,

get a clear picture of what I'm about;

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24 See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—

then guide me on the road to eternal life.
(The Message)

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September 23, 2005

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I miss you so much, but I love you more. It's been a month since they took you away. The angels came, they carried you to Jesus - you were all broken and bruised. You had such wounds. They were so much older and deeper than the wounds that slowly drained the last few days of your life away.

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When you got to Heaven, baby, waht did you see? Was it too much for your spiritual eyes? And Jesus, baby, what is He like? Did He grab you up in His strong yet gentle arms and hold you tight? Did He tell you how He's been waiting for you... Though He already knew you... He anticipated that day. Did you finally know you'd made it Home?

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What does it feel like to be in His presence? In the presence of our Father and His overwhelming, beautiful and unconditional love. Did you realize that no matter what you had done, Jesus took that away? He promised He would and Oh Glory! I know that He did!

Baby boy, I love you still and my heart aches so. I miss you terribly. I long to hear you laugh and see your smile. I put yellow roses and orange daisies on your grave today. Brittany and Taylor miss you, too. Scott's been really strong, but he keeps busy. I know he misses you. He worked half a day on Tuesday after your accident and never left my side until that next Monday. He only went back to work for a couple of hours when Grandpa called to say you had begun to slip away. He came straight away and remained with me late into that night. He called everyone and so many people came. They were all there Justin. They loved you. The youth, teachers from school, the family... They were all at the hospital and your funeral. So many people cared for you so much. They have really been there for us in every way.

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I went back to work last week. Today has been really hard. Times seems to be racing by. Minutes slip into hours, hours into days, days into weeks and now a month or more has passed since I last had a hug, a kiss, a smile or a kind word exchanged.

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If I could've known - if I could have only taken the time with you that day. Thank you for those final sweet words. That have gotten me through so much.

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I guess I finally realized how grown up you had become when I saw you in that bed. You were so tall. A good 6 foot and solid with lots of muscles.

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I Miss You So Much.

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The girls do to, Grandma can't talk about you without crying and Grandpa can't talk at all. We miss you, Boy!!

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See You At The Pole was Wednesday - there were so many kids at church - lots of new faces. You would have been so proud. Mike checks in on the girls and the Creecy's have really been there for us. Maybe you will meet Cody in heaven, and that Thames boy who is buried beside you. Sweetie, I long to be with you again, but I can wait. God has a plan for it and that is all I know right now. I love you...

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"Hush-a-bye, don't you cry. Go to sleepy little baby, When you wake, you will have all the pretty little horses. Blacks and Bays, Dapples and Grays, a coach and six-a-little horses. Hush-a-bye don't you cry, God to sleepy little baby."

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Sleep well, I'll be home soon. I love you, too. I'm fighting for you.

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Revelation 22

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1 Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb

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2 down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.

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3 No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.

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4 They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.

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5 There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

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6 The angel said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place."
Jesus Is Coming
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7 "Behold, I am coming soon! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book."

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8 I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I had heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had been showing them to me.

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9 But he said to me, "Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers the prophets and of all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!"

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10 Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near.

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11 Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."

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12 "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done.

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13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

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14 "Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city.

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15 Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

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16 "I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."

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17 The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

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18 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book.

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19 And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

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20 He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

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21 The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen.
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These two journal entries were written in the raw and early stages of my grief. Today I stand to testify that the Joy of the Lord is my strength and though I will always miss Justin until we meet again in Heaven, I know that the Lord's work will carry me until He calls me Home. And for me that is enough to say, "Praise the Lord, O My Soul, and all that is within me." (Psalm 103:1 - my paraphrase!)

Love to ya'll.