Ups and Downs

There is a cliche floating around out there about life being "full of up and downs." Well, that is true.

The Christian faith illustrates such times in life as the "mountaintops and the valleys" or the "seasons of testing and the seasons of rest."

I guess, what I am thinking about is how the Holy Spirit offers us the "best of both worlds," so to speak. Peace during turbulent seasons and storms and safe passage through the valleys of life. Rest for the weary under persecution comes through the Holy Spirit and so does wisdom to navigate the path from the mountaintop to the valley and back again.

So, the question is why do I still keep trying to overcome, pressuring myself into impossible expectations and succumbing to my own weak-minded insecurities? Thank goodness, God knew this about me before we got here - Today is so much easier as I realize He is always and will ever be in control. His plans for me are good, they prosper and do not harm me - They give me a future and HOPE.

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord Maker of heaven and earth...." Psalm 121

What about the updates?

I have several new things to report:

First - The Bentham Household is Busy, Busy, Busy.

Second - I have many prayer requests.

Third - Well, we are three... count them... Yes, I said, Three! Days from moving to our new home.

So on the first front: I have at least three doctor's appointments in the next three or four weeks. We are leaving for a fun-filled and inspirational vacation with my parents, my brother and several children on July 12th. Scott and I have much planning and work to do to get ourselves in line to finance our new home. AND... We will be remodeling in the future. Oh the joy of it. I can't wait. I don't know how or if we will survive the journey, but I so long to do it. A room that I design and my husband and I build together. I guess I am more my father's daughter than I ever believed I would be. (That is a long and tedious story I will tell at some point in the future about the years of my life from age seven to about fourteen when our entire family was consigned as labor to build what is now our family home.)

The Doctor's Appointments: Please pray for little or no surgery at all. I have three areas of concern. Two are topical (as in on my skin). They could be anything from scarring to well... Let's just pray the alternatives are not the option. I don't believe the latter is the case, and I have a peace that what the initial reports about the second area of concern said... A Benign Area that needs to be examined by a general surgeon.

The second area is my back. I have had issues with my back as far reaching as 1993 when I first injured it and had to do physical therapy and medications to recover. Years of dancing and activity with young children probably kept it from being worse back then. But as I got older, AND rounder, my back started to develop problems. None of which was helped when I fell at work in 1997 and broke my sacral plate in half.

I learned in 2005 when sudden onset back pain dropped me to the floor that I had a couple of discs or concern in my lower back. A little physical therapy and chiropractor has helped me remain pain free until this last few months. I knew the day was coming when I had to ask my doctor what we should do next - and that day was June 10th. The truth is for years I've known that my back issues were worsening and involving my neck and mid-spine as well, but I also knew that therapy might involve a number of treatments I was hoping to stay off as long as possible. I see the Ortho/Spine Doc on June 30th.

Please pray that God's plan for this would be fulfilled, for wisdom for myself and the doctors and
pray that healing is swift and complete in this season of my life. Can I be so bold as to ask you to pray in agreement with me specifically for NON-Invasive and Non-Surgical treatments?The great news is that I HAVE LOST A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT SINCE JANUARY 1. Like 19 pounds.

Pray for our vacation. Scott's children, Megan (age 15) and Travis (age 18), are going with us to Arkansas. We are seeing the Great Passion Play and visiting Eureka Springs one day out of the eight we will be there. It will be a great time for us to share the gospel with Scott's son and share why our faith is so important to us. Please pray for God to give Scott a heart to minister to his children and not to be afraid of rejection. Pray for me to be wise and silent if necessary and support my husband as we take this adventure. Also, pray for my parents and my brother as they will likely be driving us the several hundred miles north to ARKANSAS. And, pray for the blessed little people going along - Eva and Ben. I am so excited to spend a week with them and my family. Please pray for peace, harmony and family unity to be the order of that particular week. (JULY 12-19/20th)

Pray for both my daughters and our nerves as we FINALLY get them licensed to drive. The eldest is just about ready to pass her road test and since the younger will be driving from out of district to finish her Senior Year at the school here - I would appreciate your prayers as we do Parent Taught Driver's Ed and get her ready to drive before School Starts.

Finally, in the busy category. I am not only moving this week, but on Thursday I have my first interview for a job I would love to labor for the Lord in... And, that is all I am going to say about that. Just pray the Lord's will because I truly do not want the position if it is absolutely not the Lord's will that I have it. But, you could add the extra about peace and guidance in the occupation direction. I need to find gainful employment and so... Prayers there appreciated much.

There are some hiccups in our housing... Hiccups, not major earth-shattering tremors. Scott is speaking to the man we are buying the house from today - probably around lunch time and so prayers for favor and blessing would be much, much appreciated my friends. This is a big step for us --- Scott taking the lead in this. So, pray for him to be bold and assertive as he makes our concerns known. AND, Yes, we are still moving on Friday - so pray for all of those who are coming to assist, for backs to be protected and nerves to be soothed. It's kind of nice to have everything packed so all we have to do is load up, deliver and unpack. WHOOO HOOO!

Love you guys and thanks so much for all the prayers being lifted on our behalf. I told you there were a few!

:) :) :) :) :0) We are truly blessed! :o)

Just thinking...

While reading Romans this last week I've had some thoughts about grace, the Law and righteousness by faith.

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Really, this all began a few months back when I wrote a post about God allowing us free will. In my conclusions I asked the question: "If God allows us free will does that make Him pro-choice?"

Then and now, that statement gives me pause. Then I supposed that if God allows us the free will to choose for or against HIM then is it really His will that I go around forcefully, by advocating laws, dictating the morality of others? It's still a question I ask myself daily.

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All of that comes back to today. I was reading Romans Chapters Two through Five when I had this realization. Throughout these chapters Paul contrasts between the Jewish Rite of Law and the Universal Rite of Grace, or Righteousness by Faith.

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He begins by contrasting the righteousness of works, the Law with grace. As I read these passages a critical truth began to creep into my being. I think it began somewhere in the roots of my soul and began to work its way out to not only my mind and understanding, but my heart and my spirit as well. Why did God administer the Law on Mt. Sinai?

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First of all, He was taking a large group of people born into original sin and with a generational bent toward sinfulness to a new place. God recognized structure and boundaries make for good community. He gave a list of simple "DO's and DON'T's" in the twelve commandments that Moses administered to an orgasmic and idolatrous crowd. They had lived in hedonism so long in Egypt, those ways had become engrained in the very fiber of their being. They had become accustomed to a culture void of Jehovah.

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Jesus summed up all the Law and the Prophets in this way:

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"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

This is the first and greatest commandment.

And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Matthew 5:36-39 (NIV)

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So, again, why did God administer the Law as Moses presented it in Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy? As I asked God this question over and over again one thing resonated clearly in my mind: "Because apart from God there is no righteousness, and apart from the Law there is no recognition of the guilt of original sin. There is none perfect but God."

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You see, in my morning reading I began to realize that the righteousness of God - the righteousness that He requires comes only through atonement for the transgressions against His holiness. All the Law and the Prophets record one resounding fact - there is none righteous, no not one. Something Paul states so well in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." All includes, all - Jew or Gentile, slave or free... We all sin. Save One. Jesus, who was tempted in every way known to man and yet, in His flesh, did not bear up one sin. He alone was the One who could make perfect atoning sacrifice for the sins of every man ever created and born to earth. Christ paid it all, even "while we were yet sinners." (Romans 5)

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The Law existed to convict God's people of their sinful nature. It was not lost on God that the sum total of the Law could not possibly be kept by any man born into original sin. The effort of the Biblical nation of Israel as recorded in the Old and New Testament to not only keep but to practice and interpret the Law did just what God intended for it to do - proved that apart from God there is no righteousness.

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Righteousness by God's standard is an absolute. It is not based on the number of good versus bad things one does. There is no grand scale in God's economy where He places your good works against your bad works and sums it up according to where the most weight lies. Our works, whether good or bad, done out of our own strength, merit and heart magnify our desperate need of redemption. Because the only "good" works that come to any fruit are those works that are done by a heart surrendered to God and lie beyond our own strength that ultimately give all merit and glory to God for the evidence of His righteousness at work in us.

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The righteousness of God does not come to us by the fruit of our works, but by the faith of our hearts. Our belief starts in our hearts, and unless our faith begins in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior - we miss the righteousness afforded by faith and left to us by Abraham through the testimony of Isaac, Jacob and their descendants after them. In Hebrews 11 there is a record of the faithful of God who attained such righteousness by faith. Their faith bore them witness of the truth - there is none but God, through His Son, Jesus Christ, who saves.

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The Law's necessity is to convict us of our utter depravity and the absolute need of salvation and redemption through faith in the redeeming power of God expressed through His Son's death and ressurection. When we exercise our faith we attain the righteousness of Christ, and when we attain the righteousness of Christ and begin to grow in our relationship with Him we become like Him. And in so doing, we ultimately fulfill the Law - as spoken by Christ. We Love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and we love our neighbor as ourselves. Not by our own design or power, but by the grace and strength that has been administered to us by His Holy Spirit. Christ came not to replace the Law but to fulfill it. We are the evidence of that truth.

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Updates on my Updates

Okay... So at 39 I had my first well care visit which is leading to more doctor's appointments. I have had a sonogram, a mammogram and likely will be MRI-ed and X-Rayed before too long as well...

All this to say --- I am ever so grateful for Verizon, for Insurance and for Co-Pay under $20.

All that aside, God is teaching me amazing things, like a high-threshhold for pain does not mean you shouldn't do something about it. :)

Medicine can be a good thing.

And, we are now within a week of our move-in date for our new home. Pictures are on their way... Just waiting for them to finish the cosmetic touches before I post them. So... House, House... Here We Come!

A Piece of Property, An Encouraging Word, and Many Blessings

The question becomes: Where do I begin?

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Have you ever been in a situation where so much seemed beyond your ability to comprehend or even respond?

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That is exactly where we found ourselves just three weeks ago. Without going into a lot of detail, our housing situation needed to change. We have been renting/leasing homes for the better part of seven years now and desperately want to buy a home... But, early in our marriage we took on too much in a house and land payment, couple that with increased child support obligations and my need to drop everything including a job to manage Justin's educational, social and emotional crises. It was a recipe for financial disaster - bankruptcy, foreclosure, repossession... AND so on. Just being honest... Financially we were officially and legally a mess. It has been nearly eleven years since we started this journey of couple, communion and to be honest... It's been scary, trying, enlightening and well sobering. But this week, we find ourselves dumbstruck.

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If someone had mentioned that we should buy a house rather than seeking another rental opportunity three weeks ago... I would have laughed my fool head off. Well, maybe not laughed, but I would have said, "We can't do that right now."

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As a matter of fact, my husband brought up the propsect at least once and I said those exact words. Let's just give it another year.

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WHY?

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Because I was scared. AFRAID.

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God has been dealing with every area of fear I have in my life this year. SO. Here. I. Am. Again.

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Facing one of my worst fears again - A. Mortgage. Loan.

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WHY?

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Because... Well, they run your credit when you apply for a mortgage loan. RIGHT?

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We had done this three years ago and suffered the humiliating NO that comes with not just bad, but downright ugly credit. It was torturously defeating. Still we were determined to make our life better. To do more. To Pay. Our. Dues. As my father always said.

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I must admit I had been lamenting the fact that three years ago we had the chance to buy the home we had rented for four years in the sleepy little town of Rhome, TX. It was old, the floors creaked, leaned and the place was downright drafty in the wintertime. But, the turn of the century built "Bear in the Big Blue House" BLUE HOUSE on West Second Street had become home to us. It was where my kids spent the better part of their growing up years. It was blocks from our church and we were members of a community there. When Mr. Huse, our landlord, stopped buy with an Owner Finance Contract in his hand I looked with one fleeting glance at my husband's face and knew the determined answer was ABSOLUTELY. NOT.

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A few days later we would learn we did not get the loan on the new home we wanted to build and we had a month to move. We leased a large, beautiful new home in the same neighborhood we were hoping to build and well... Things began to unravel.

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I had been working an abundance of hours at my job and that seemed like it would continue. By the next year, I was looking for a new job that would help us to pay more than just the bills. We left that sleepy little town, with its comforts of home church and set out for a new adventure just over the horizon.

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Life meandered on and with the new circumstances came new challenges. We sold our second vehicle and moved to a smaller, more affordable house. In three years we have managed to move... Count them... Four- (no make that five times since the first house we moved into three years ago had a number of issues that needed repair - we were moved within two weeks back then) - times... Well, Four and a Half since this move is not officially completed yet. CAN. YOU. SAY. NOMADS?

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Seriously, I could just hear Abraham remarking to Sarah, "Honey, time to pack up the tent we're moving again!"

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I almost got killed when I mentioned that we should open our own moving company now that we were practically pros at the process. The entire group yelled NO!

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Well, now I must rewind a bit. Hold on while I Hit the PAUSE button and take you back to January.

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It was a cool, sunny morning when I landed in Chik-fil-a over off of Lake Worth Boulevard for breakfast and a little "quiet time." I had been reading Jeremiah 33 because God was revealing a word about my marriage through the old prophet in those early days of this new year. I flipped through that well worn path to those familiar pages of Jeremiah and stopped on Chapter 32. I began to read.

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As I read, I grew more excited. My husband and I were discussing a dream of owning a ranch one day where we could enjoy nature and cozy up together in a quaint, clapboard house. He wanted horses... Just a few to start and then a stable full. Restoration Ranch. It was beginning to take shape for us as we talked about it. And here we were when the odds were nearly impossible for us to finance a newspaper subscription (at least in my mind), that we would be able to buy enough acreage and a house to call it a ranch.

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ENTER JEREMIAH.

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Do you know that this chapter is all about how God told Jeremiah to go and buy a piece of land in the middle of the seige of Jerusalem by Babylon. I believe Jeremiah's exact argument was, "But, Lord... In so little time all of this land will belong to the King of Babylon, so what's the point?"

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But, God insisted that Jeremiah buy the land. So Jeremiah did. He bought the land and had it's deed stored by the public "accountant" as a public record of God's sealed promise to deliver Jerusalem and its inhabitants from the exile.

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Now... Even before we knew we were in a spiritual battle back in the early days of our marriage. We had so much stolen from us by the enemy. We gave him a legal right to come in and scavenge our home, plunder our finances and destroy our family. And HE DID HIS WORST. We cooperated.

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Until, we found a little church that took us in, prayed us through and brought us up.

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Jeremiah 32.... FAST FORWARD. A week ago we met with a man who sells homes in the metro area. He works with buyers to get reasonable FHA financing on remodeled and updated homes when they might not otherwise be able to do so. Jeremiah 32 is becoming a now and a future word for us. We have our choice of three homes and though we thought it an impossiblility a few weeks ago - today we are so encouraged. I'm still coveting and asking for many prayers over this entire deal. God is making things that seemed impossible to us more and more possible with each passing day.

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That is the Piece of Property I eluded to in my title. It is actually not the little two story colonial I set my heart on last week, but instead a more traditional, brick home on a street named Sunnybrook.

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Now for the encouraging word:

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A few months back, as I was outlining the spiritual battle my husband and I were fighting for our marriage and family - I had a friend say, "Have you two been through leadership presbytery yet?"

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I shook my head. "No. I don't even know how to go about getting into leadership presbytery."

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She nodded as she flashed a knowing smile. "I would be very interested to hear what they have to say over Scott."

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ME. TOO!

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If you are not familiar with presbytery ministry (and I'm not talking about the denomination Presbyterian... but something our church does with regard to prophetic utterances.)

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Presbytery as it is practiced by my church's leadership is a special time when recognized prophetic leaders in our congregation come and speak words of Edification, Exhortation/Encouragement and Comfort over you. I attended a time of prophetic ministry at my life group last year and had words spoken over me by women that I didn't even know. They spoke of things that resonated so true in my life both past and future. They specifically confirmed that I was in a maturing and preparation stage for ministry.

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It is not mystical or weird. It is based on 1 Corinthians 14, and often is accompanied by Scripture and other sources of confirmation.

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A few weeks after I had the conversation about leadership presbytery with my friend, I got an email from the pastor I serve under as a lay leader for my grief recovery group. She wanted to know if there were any leaders under her care who desired to go through leadership presbytery. YES.

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We are going next Wednesday, June 18th. I am excited but also not anticipating so much as I am expecting God to speak something new. I believe this is all a part of the journey we are on. God revealing Himself huge and us learning to follow in spite of our circumstances not because of them.

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As for the Many Blessings...

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We are blessed with wonderful family. Our family rallied around us after they learned of our circumstances and have helped us by putting us up in the interim between houses. Thank you, Lord for the graciousness of Sherry and Kevin. They have so blessed us beyond anything we could hope for or imagine. It is to your glory that we receive one blessing after another. We are so humbled by Your generous Provision. To helping us pack our miles of furniture, clothing and what nots into a 10x20 storage units or hauling a number of items to my parents house for storage until we find a new home. Thank you Lord for all You've done to move their hearts in compassion and kindness toward us. We are truly blessed. And then... We experienced the graduation from high school of Scott's oldest child. Travis.

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Travis graduated on Saturday and my husband humbly admitted that when his son crossed the stage to receive his diploma that he tried to give out a "WHOOP" but got all choked up instead. We have now graduated two children from high school and are watching as they make their way as adults in this world. My Taylor will follow with her cousin, Lauren, next year and then our baby, Megan - Scott's youngest - will make the journey of commencement the year after that. Hard to believe that we have been at it long enough to see our children nearly all grown and off to make their way in the world. Humbling. Beautiful. Blessed. We are so very. And, Finally. To all of you who have stood with us in prayer. We so appreciate you and know that God moves your hearts to stand in agreement and pray His best for us even as we do not know what to pray. You are reading about the results and we are truly blessed by your offerings. Love to you all....

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I better go. I need a shower and to rouse some sleeping teenagers from bed.

An Update is Coming SOON

Since my last posts...

Well, I now have a state identification card and a driver's license. I have a new appreciation for what Sarah must have felt like everytime Abraham said, "Start packing, Honey... God's moving us again." And, I have a yearning in my soul to own this 1960s era two story house with white siding, a narrow columned front porch, a two car garage and a very long driveway. The three bedrooms and 1.5 baths are merely a bonus.

We drove buy it today. It is on a little street in Haltom City where the sweet little house with the dangling porch light sits cozily tucked into a bend in the road. I can see us hosting family gatherings for years to come. It needs remodeling which is part of the appeal for me - the bonus part seems to be that the company that is selling it will do the remodelling. I'm okay with that. And, by the price in the brochure all of this can be ours for perhaps a little more or less than $100,000. So... What's a girl to do but ask for your prayers and God's favor in the process. I would even be willing to earn a little sweat equity.

The Lord provides, always. He showed me this little house for a reason - I just hope it is because we're supposed to be there. Just hoping and praying and believing for the change.

Blessings all.

Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there anything too hard for Me? ~ Jeremiah 32:27 (AMP)