A Prowling Lion...?

I have to confess that I had a "bad" night. Yesterday I wrote about receiving the message of Mother Teresa's "paradox" quote. Well, last night I had such an opportunity to demonstrate it to my daughter and I BLEW IT BIG, BIG TIME.

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Why is life like that? We think we "got it" when we really don't. Humility. Humility. Humility. I hear it running through my mind like the refrain to an old hymn. Okay... So onward. Pray for my girl, Taylor and me... And my friend, L... not the same L from yesterday but L. We have had such good progress in our relationship these last few months but yesterday some things surfaced and boiled over --- and it was quite messy. Quite Ugly. Ugly crying everywhere.

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Well, that leads into this morning. Yesterday hubs effectively gave me permission to do something I am totally excited about. I was invited to be one of many who will be providing personal ministry sessions for women who sign up at the conference Gateway is hosting. Pray for me - pray for that... Freedom is the word. He said YES! I said, CONFIRMED.

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So this morning I went to my very first meeting with my friend, Deana. She is a dynamic and relational teacher and passionate woman of God. She arranged a meeting with three other women she is calling the 'Pillar Intercessors.' We are the sub-leaders of an intercessory team who will be praying before, during and I'm going to even be praying after the conference like nobody's business.

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Oh, it is so exciting. Our vision is blended, our goal being set forth and the mercy, love, grace and joy of our Lord poured out on us as we excitedly shared and attentively listened to God shape the vision and the foundation for an awesome opportunity.

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So what happens next? I call my husband and ask him to come and pick me up. He arrives. The women are bragging on him and how nice it was for him to drop me off and pick me up. Then we walk out to the car.

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Our conversation goes something like this:

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Me: So, I didn't realize all that was going to be involved or what this would look like when I agreed to it... But, in the fall I committed to be an intercessor for Pink Impact. I know I talked to you about it but with everything going on back then I'm not sure you'll remember.

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Him: So what does that mean?

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Me: First, I will have to be at all three days of the conference. I had only planned to attend part of it, but now it seems I will have to be there for the entire event. Second, the next three Saturdays we are going to meet back here to pray, press in and develop more unity as we pray.

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Him: Oh. (Tight Jaw, Silence.)

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I knew I had said something that he did not want to hear. So, me being me... I ask:

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"Is there something wrong?"

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Him: I guess not.

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Me: Was I not supposed to agree to that? It is a committment. Is that all right with you?

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Him: (tense, exhales) I guess so. (silence.)

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Me: Is there something bothering you?

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Him: Well, I kind of wanted to go fishing sometime those days.

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Me: Well you could... Just maybe not so early. We can work that out.

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Him: I guess. (Disappointed.)

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Turns out that my husband and I are still on very different pages. And, for me right now this moment that is okay. However... In the car on the way to the bowling alley to watch his daughter bowl -- I was not fine. I was frustrated, but not angry (new). I just sat there praying, listening and hoping for revelation. The temptation was great to criticize and condemn, but I just listened.

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Then my husband admitted that having one vehicle is a disappointment to him. I understand that... It is tough on me as well. But here we are. So, what to do?

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I told him where I am in all of that. I admitted that for a long time in my life I had not lived in a place where whatever God provides for me is enough. I just hadn't. Then, a few years ago I began to earnestly pursue that place of abundance and satisfaction. Living in the overflow of His grace.

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This year is the first year where I am beginning to realize the fruit that I've been sowing for... earnestly. I confessed all of that to him and said, "And right now, as you speak, I hear what you are saying, but I hear this, too. 'Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.'"

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I reminded my husband that God wants us to seek after Him with everything we have - and if what we desire most is a way to escape or meet our own pleasures and desires then even when we attain that which we most desire - it will never be enough. We will always be disappointed if God is not at the heart of what we want and we are not satisfied with Him first.

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My husband's one word response, "TRUE."

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I later was sitting in the bowling alley and heard God whisper, "Can't you really see what is happening?"

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I knew it from the moment He asked.

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Last night as I was trying to prepare a nice, pleasant dinner - one of our FAM FAVES (Chicken and Dumplings)- I was listening to my critical spirit and the promptings of the enemy to pick out and on every little thing my daughter did or was doing wrong. I tried to be gentle but when she lashed back at me - it was on. I couldn't seem to stop myself. I lost control. I was so angry with her, so hurt by her. I just let myself go...

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Not a godly example at all. I had to humble myself while still being Mom. (NEW) Usually I just demand my position without any concessions even if I am out of line. My hubs was also great. He has agreed to be the intermediary between me and her and take on the role of "father" to her that her real dad is not meeting in her life.

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Then this morning after an intense revelation and fellowship time in His word and prayer. I got in the car and it was like the enemy was poking Scott in the ribs and saying, "See... Nothing's really changed... See..."

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Before I knew it we were in conflict. Thank you, Jesus, that Your Word promises us that IRON Sharpens IRON. And even conflict can be for our good and Your glory.

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He is fishing right now.

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Please pray for us and me especially as it seems the enemy is attacking me through my family and a few of my old strongholds. [CHECK] Need to pray through that whole Critical Spirit thing.

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Love ya'll.

A paradox

My friend "L." at Do You Weary Like I Do posted a series of quotes by Mother Teresa that really make you stop and think. You should go read her Inspiring Quotes post. (REA.LLY!)

Anyway, one of the quotes jumped right off the screen at me. It is a lesson my heart is learning slowly and sweetly as I traverse the winter days of this new year. It is as if my heart is truly coming out of Winter into Spring, just as our earth does year in and year out.

Mother Teresa said...

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"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." I have found the paradox...

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Christ knew the paradox - if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt... Only the fullest expression of love ever given by a man for His neighbor. He lay His life down so we could not only be called His friend, but co-Heir, Brother, Sister, Son. Christ set the precedent for the paradox.

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You know Abraham in the desert willing to sacrifice Isaac on the altar before God is an exact picture of God's promised redemption. But, for Abraham it was a means to an end --- Sometimes I wonder why Abraham did not plead for his son's life much the way he interceded for Lot and his family. Those days in the hospital before Justin died, my love was in direct conflict with what my heart realized was happening. I cried out to God for complete restoration, for mercy, for grace, for peace... But my deepest desire was that I would take my son's place. Give him a chance at life and take mine instead.

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God said that very thing about us. He said, "The action requires death, but I cannot bear to lose them so TAKE MY LIFE INSTEAD." He gave it up willingly.

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Why do I find it so troubling then to freely express grace and love to those who hurt me? What is it about this flesh I live in that makes me calloused and hard against those who do me wrong? Why can't I forgive and love unconditionally? I'm limited, human, frail and given to my vain imagination. In short, I am not God. [Thank you, Lord, for that. I fear there would be a whole lot of people suffering because I got mad... You know you feel it, too.]

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So how did Mother Teresa discover this love? By living it every single day of her life. Living selflessly, sacrificially, and fully committed to loving people as God loved her - with Hope-Filled Abandon and Merciful Grace. I don't want to deify her. She is flesh and blood just like us. But she attained a level of humility and grace that often goes under-noticed and forgotten.

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I want to live like that. Love like that. Love hard, long and fully until there is nothing left of the pain only the love that covers everything in God's grace. I for one am touched and blessed. I am also reminded of the sinful woman who poured out her oil on the feet of her Lord.

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Who loves more... The one who is forgiven more... She loves much because she was forgiven much. An appropriate end to a week when I examined such a defining moment in my life!

Sticky POST: Marriage Survey For Wives

**THIS IS A STICKY POST. PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR NEW MESSAGES.**

Please post your answers to this survery in an anonymous comment. I have been reading up on the marriage passages of Scripture and found some things that made me go - OH! Like the Amplified version of Ephesians 5:33

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"However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [ that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and hat she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]." (Emphasis Added)

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So here we go, copy and paste the following into the comment and provide your answers:

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1. How would you define respect and reverence? Explain in one paragraph if possible.

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2. AGREE of DISAGREE: I believe if he does not do his part that I don't have to do mine. Explain your answer.
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3. How do you feel when you read the latter part of verse 33 "... let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, honors him, prefers, him, venerates, and esteems him and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.]"?
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4. How would you define submission or being subject to?
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5. Please select which of the following areas that are the most difficult for you to submit to your husband in (order them from the most difficult to the least, if it is equal - use one line and separate with commas as needed).
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Finances
Raising Children
Spiritual Matters
Extended Family Issues
Daily Decisions
How to Manage Your Home
Where you go to church
How to settle disputes
When He is wrong
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6. Now select which of the following areas we are commanded to relate to her husband in a Spirit of and number them with this scale: 1 - Struggle Greatly, 2 - Struggle, 3 - Struggle Some, 4 - A Little Struggle, 5 - I Don't Struggle with it much.
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RESPECT
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REVERENCE
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Noticing Him
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Regarding Him
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Honoring Him
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Venerating Him (I found these words to define venerate: adore, worships, enshrines, dignifies, reveres)
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Esteeming Him
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Deferring to Him
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Praising Him
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Loving and Admiring Him Exceedingly
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Submitting to your husband out of reverence for Christ. (Eph 5:21)
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Serving your husband as a service to the Lord. (Col 3)
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Admonishing your husband with your lifestyle rather than your words. (1 Peter 3)
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Having a quiet and gentle spirit. (1 Peter 3)
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Keeping an orderly home. (Titus 2, Proverbs 31)
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Considering his needs as your own. (Matthew 19:19, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14)
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7. Note the priority in leadership that is given by God for marriage. Then answer the questions that follow:
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"3 But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.
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4 Any man who prays or prophesies (teaches, refutes, reproves, admonishes, and comforts) with his head covered dishonors his Head (Christ).
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5 And any woman who [publicly] prays or prophesies (teaches, refutes, reproves, admonishes, or comforts) when she is bareheaded dishonors her head (her husband); it is the same as [if her head were] shaved.
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6 For if a woman will not wear [a head] covering, then she should cut off her hair too; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her head shorn or shaven, let her cover [her head].
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7 For a man ought not to wear anything on his head [in church], for he is the image and [reflected] glory of God [ his function of government reflects the majesty of the divine Rule]; but woman is [the expression of] man’s glory (majesty, preeminence).
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8 For man was not [created] from woman, but woman from man;
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9 Neither was man created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man.
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10 Therefore she should [be subject to his authority and should] have a covering on her head [as a token, a symbol, of her submission to authority, that she may show reverence as do] the angels [and not displease them].
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11 Nevertheless, in [the plan of] the Lord and from His point of view woman is not apart from and independent of man, nor is man aloof from and independent of woman;
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12 For as woman was made from man, even so man is also born of woman; and all [whether male or female go forth] from God [as their Author].
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1 Cor 11:3-12 (AMP)
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* How are you doing with the idea that your husband is the final authority under God in your home?
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* How about when you see your husband's decisions and actions are not reflecting a godly attitude?
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* Do you see the passages here as specifically about the role of women in church, or about the issue of women TAKING and ASSUMING authority in place of a man? How do you understand the roles of women in leadership in the church?

* Did the words in verse 9 impact you? How do you feel knowing God created you specifically for your husband?

* Read verse 7 again. How are you doing with reflecting your husband's glory? What do people think of your husband based on what you say, how you act toward him and the way you represent him in your daily life?
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8. Is divorce an option (meaning: do you feel there are circumstances in which a divorce would be justified) in your marriage?
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I know there are a lot of questions here, but they are so important. Please take your time, even print these off and weigh your answers and the Scriptures offered before responding. AGAIN, please do not include your name in your comment and be as honest and forthright as discretion allows.

The comments for this post will be open through March 11th. Please feel free to come back and respond. Also, visit our dream blog: Restoration Ranch and read all about the building of a dream marriage.

Tuesday's In Other Words: The Joy of My Salvation

Blessed and enviably happy [with a happiness produced by the experience of God’s favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His matchless grace] are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted!
Matthew 5:4 (AMP)

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This week's IOW quote is from a sermon taught by Robert Morris. When he began the series "Happiness Redefined" he began by explaining just what the Amplified version of the Bible shows us, that being blessed in a Biblical sense means happy and enviable. I could relate to what he was teaching because a season of mourning had been my life for many months. But then he took the message to a new level:

“Is it possible we could experience the joy of our salvation if we mourned [over our sin] as if someone had died? We cannot experience joy without mourning.”

~Pastor Robert Morris, Gateway Church. From the Sermon: “Those who mourn are happy”~

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Throughout this series, Pastor Robert drove home the point that the Beautitudes were about more than just a state of Blessing, but he pointed to each step in our Spiritual Journey with God from Salvation to growth through Persecution. Every level listed in the Beautitudes represented a milestone in the Christian experience and a new state of Blessing that followed. So when he got to this message and shared this insight I began to say - that is what I've experienced... Truly. Not in the grief over my son, but in the grief I had experienced over my past, my sin and the cost of Salvation paid on my behalf.

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"Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own, 20 You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body."

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (AMP)

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For me I had shame, regret and a deep sense of guilt over my sinful past - over the prodigal years I spent squandering my youth in wild living and contaminating the lives of my children with ungodly, unsanctified behavior. I hated the person I had become back then and spent years running from the truth of my existence. I was certain God was angry with me, and would want nothing more to do with me if I poured out all those years of painful, self-induced misery before Him.

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And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord! the Lord! a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in loving-kindness and truth, 7 Keeping mercy and loving-kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but Who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.

Exodus 34:6-7 (AMP)

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I was in every way guilty of the most heinous and vile sins. I was the harlot caught in adultery waiting to be stoned, the thief waiting for them to cut off my hands, and worst of all I walked into a church as the new wife of a good, unsaved man and pretended - yes, PRETENDED to be good, too. The only problem with a past full of sin - there are skeletons from that dead life wondering around in your closet just DYING to get out. Better to get them out before God than in front of a congregation full of your "closest" friends. Get my meaning?

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"If we say we have no sin [refusing to admit that we are sinners], we delude and lead ourselves astray, and the Truth [which the Gospel presents] is not in us [does not dwell in our hearts]. 9 If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. 10 If we say (claim) we have not sinned, we contradict His Word and make Him out to be false and a liar, and His Word is not in us [the divine message of the Gospel is not in our hearts]. "

1 John 1:8-10 (AMP)

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As a growing Christian I had heard many leaders in the church say that their past was covered by the Blood and they did not have to deal with that past anymore because it was forgiven. I began to claim that for my past, too. Only problem: I had never surrendered my past to God allowing Him to cover it by His Blood. I convinced myself there was no need to confess those sins because I had already said, "God I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong. Thank you for forgiving me in Jesus Name, AMEN."

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But, was that enough?

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Not according to 1 John 1:9... Confession. Naming and agreeing with God what I had knowingly done against His will and His Word to put Christ upon that cross for my personal sins. That is confession. I had more than ten years of past that I had left unconfessed. Let me tell you something about the enemy of our soul... He is waiting for us to leave some stone unturned, some sin unconfessed and uncovered - He is just chomping at the bit to get to God's throne before we do and the words he speak resound in our ears -
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UNWORTHY, UNHOLY, SINNER, BAD, HARLOT, SHAMEFUL, UGLY, UNGRATEFUL, LOSER!
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"10 Then I heard a strong (loud) voice in heaven, saying, Now it has come—the salvation and the power and the kingdom (the dominion, the reign) of our God, and the power (the sovereignty, the authority) of His Christ (the Messiah); for the accuser of our brethren, he who keeps bringing before our God charges against them day and night, has been cast out! 11 And they have overcome (conquered) him by means of the blood of the Lamb and by the utterance of their testimony, for they did not love and cling to life even when faced with death [holding their lives cheap till they had to die for their witnessing]."

Revelation 12:10-11 (AMP)

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You name the insult and he is hurling it like a dart straight at your heart of hearts. He used all of those and more on me. I didn't want to confess my sins to God because it meant I would have to face the DEPRAVITY of MY OWN SOUL. I didn't believe I could handle facing what was hidden deep within my heart. It was not because God could not forgive it. He already had. It was because I didn't trust that promise. I believed that if confessed my sins would outweight His grace and I couldn't bear to face that possibility. .

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But God already knew that. In 2003, He arranged six weeks to uncover that sinful heart of mine and expose my sins so we could examine them and He could cleanse me of all that mucky, messy unrighteousness I had walked in as a young woman. He had been waiting for me to trust him with the most bruised and broken places of my life. To confess to Him the most shameful and defiled moments so that He could wash them clean. Heal them. And make me new.

One night, as I lay in bed sleeping a voice startled me awake.

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...GET UP AND WATCH THE VIDEO...

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Believing my dinner was talking and my dreams were a bit too vivid. I glanced at the clock. 3:00 AM. I lay back down and pulled the covers up snuggly around my neck. I sighed heavily before closing my weary eyes begging for a few more hours of sleep..

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...I said GET UP. Watch the Video...

God?

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Watch the video.

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I realized then I was not going to get any rest until I watched the second week's video from Beth Moore's study, "When Godly People Do Ungoldy Things." I kicked out of covers grumbling under my breath much the way a disgruntled child gets up to ready themselves for school. NOT A HAPPY CAMPER..

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I walked in the living room, fumbled in the dimly lit room for the videos and pulled out the DVD of choice. I hastily grabbed my book off the box and sat myself down with a HRUMMPHH! in the recliner. I didn't even bother to turn on the light. .

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Half way through my heart broke into a jillion pieces as every vile and heinous thing I had ever done began to run through my mind. My sin was overwhelming. The volumes of lies, vanity, profanity and shameless flaunting of God's standards ripped at my heart, my soul and my mind. I felt like a knife pierced my heart each time a new memory clouded my mind. One by one, I began to confess those horrific images out loud to God. I was on my knees, face to the ground weeping bitterly over my sin. I confessed my unworthiness and that it was my sin that had cost the Savior His life not just the curse of sin left to us by Adam and Eve in the garden. My choices had crucified Christ. I was broken apart, aching inside - not because of what it had cost me, but because of the precious price that had been paid in my place. I was weeping because of what my sin had cost God.
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That's when it happened. In the midst of an exhausting, full-on ugly cry I confessed the last of the memories that had surfaced in my heart. Then I lay there weeping, struggling to find clarity when I suddenly asked, "God? What do you want me to do now?".

...Go look in the mirror....

Look in the mirror? But God, I've been crying. There's....

... I said, Look in the mirror....

Okay..

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There in that mirror I saw the face of a broken woman. A woman who had finally come clean. A woman who had let go of everything that had been holding God at arm's length for so long and I saw the truth. .

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Look what a mess you made, out of the beauty I created..

Not a moment of that sentence was condemning or mean-spirited. He said, I AM the beauty He created. A few week's later I came face to face with the price that was paid for me. The cross of Christ and His crucifixion described in graphic detail on May 3, 2003. That month in the Spring semester of 2003 changed my life.

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Therefore with joy will you draw water from the wells of salvation. 4 And in that day you will say, Give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name and by means of His name [in solemn entreaty]; declare and make known His deeds among the peoples of the earth, proclaim that His name is exalted!

Isaiah 12:3-4 (AMP)

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I ran to God with my confessions. .

If I found myself in the midst of a sin, conviction overtook my heart and I poured it to God right that moment. I still pray daily and tell on myself to Him. I tell Him everything I know I've done and I ask Him to make me aware of anything that I have left unconfessed. Oh and the beauty of it is that He does it so gently, so kindly - not accusing or angry. He just says, "See Here, Child. This is what I want to deal with." And it is done.

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The hardest part for me was receiving that grace. But just a few months ago I stood in my bathroom with a song in my heart I didn't understand. Whitney Houston's voice rang through my heart "The Greatest Love of all is happening to me... Learning to love yourself, it is the greates love of all."

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I turned my chin to the sky and cried out to GOD, "Why is that the song in my heart today?".

Then I saw my reflection in the mirror. His love washed over me anew. He was singing that song over me - the Greatest Love of all is God's love, and it has been happening to me over the last few years in a mighty way. He wants me to see myself through His eyes, live my life in His will and receive His forgiveness with a heart full of joy for the Salvation that I have been afforded..

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That day as Pastor Robert taught that message on mourning resulting is us being happy, he concluded the message with this Question: "What if we really mourned over our sin as if someone had died?".

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BECAUSE SOMEBODY DID..

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2 Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. .

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3 Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds. .

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4 You have not yet struggled and fought agonizingly against sin, nor have you yet resisted and withstood to the point of pouring out your [own] blood. .

5 And have you [completely] forgotten the divine word of appeal and encouragement in which you are reasoned with and addressed as sons? My son, do not think lightly or scorn to submit to the correction and discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage and give up and faint when you are reproved or corrected by Him; .

6 For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes. .

7 You must submit to and endure [correction] for discipline; God is dealing with you as with sons. For what son is there whom his father does not [thus] train and correct and discipline? .

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9 Moreover, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we yielded [to them] and respected [them for training us]. Shall we not much more cheerfully submit to the Father of spirits and so [truly] live? .

10 For [our earthly fathers] disciplined us for only a short period of time and chastised us as seemed proper and good to them; but He disciplines us for our certain good, that we may become sharers in His own holiness.

Hebrews 12:2-7, 9-10 (AMP)

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OH I DO LOVE HIM SO!

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If you would like to share your insights about today's quote, please link up to your own post here using Mr. Linky and then leave me a comment. Thank you so much for stopping by today! I'm so blessed to have been able to share this quote with you.

For more information about Tuesday's In Other Words, please visit Loni at Writing Canvas and check it out!

North Platte, Nebraska

The ladies of North Platte, NE met a desperate need in the lives of young men passing through their town on their way to and from the war fronts in World War II. They shared love and hope and promise with these young men who were uncertain, alone and many admittedly young and afraid. North Platte, NE - the love of Christ at work in the hearts of women willing to serve the men who were fighting for their freedom. A gesture of service and gratitude that comforted many and resounds in the hearts of those who still live to tell its story.

I know our church hosts teams that go to DFW Airport each and every week to welcome home returning troops from the war front. They say thank you, welcome home, we love you, we've been praying for you. It is the very least we can do as the hands and feet of Jesus. After all, it was Jesus who said, "Greater love has no man than this, that he would lay down his life for a friend." And then Jesus became your friend and mine when He laid down his life for us on Calvary's tree. May God bless our troops, our service men and women, who volunteer to serve our nation on the warfronts and in peace time defending the cause of Americans and freedom around the globe.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, that you paid the price that paved the way for men and women to come to America and seek Liberty for all mankind. Thank you for men and women today who are willing to step into harms way and uncertainty to advance that same cause more than 200 years later. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for those who across the traverse of time have taken up arms and fought to set people free. I pray that Your Name Would Be praised in the lives of all who are touched by this post.

Thank you.

This Monday Morning...

I believe it was Garfield who HATED Mondays... Well, this Monday I don't hate the day, but I am very frustrated about something. MY EMAIL! Yahoo has shut down my account for some or other reason and so I am now diverting everyone to my gmail account. SO... If you happen to be a person I regularly email please click on my profile and shoot me an email so I can save your addy to my contacts list as all my contacts went away along with my yahoo email account. Next time I will be importing before moving beyond the new account status! OH MY!

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Other than that - this is a great Monday Morning. I have the first session of the first of four retreat segments ready to type up ... And the makings of a second session for the first segment all ready to begin hashing it out with God. I'm so excited about this. God gives me all this great Scripture then I mull it over, write it out and sit down with hubs and we walk through it all. It is so good and it is so good... Did I say that? Oh Yeah, I guess I did.

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The greatest part is this is so outside what my natural tendancy is - normally I would slide around comparing commentaries and digging into word meanings, but God gives me the lessons, then points me to Scriptures and then the Holy Spirit just opens my eyes to see how it relates. The first segment is on Redeeming the Covenant and God took me to a passage in Galatians I've never even considered before. He then pulled it together with the passages on marriage I had already pulled out to review.

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OH HE IS SO GOOD!

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I wrote over at the RANCH BLOG that I won't be sharing those lessons online because I have a sense that I need to "protect" this information for the time being. I want people who experience them to receive the impartation of the experience with them... For now, Hubs and I are growing through these lessons together and then preparing to take these messages to the public setting via conference retreats once we've discovered where God is taking us with them.

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Now I'm off... with a bank account to reconcile, a day of Bible study homework and a pile of laundry on my list of things to do... I better scoot! Here is our Bible reading that Scott and shared in our devotion this morning:

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"BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments [consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high and the lowly]." Psalms 133:1-3 (AMP)

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Aren't those just the sweetest Words? He is so good!

Your Invited! Tuesday's In Other Words

OH MY GOODNESS! This weekend arrived and I've been blowing and going so non-stop I almost missed the opportunity to share my quote and invite you to join me as I host In Other Words this week.

I have chosen a quote my pastor, Robert Morris, of Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas shared during a series he taught last Spring called "Happiness Redfined."

It caught my attention specifically because grief had been such a prominent thing in my life for the past few years --- It also helped me to see clearly that grief is a natural part of life and that even our mourning has great value before God. So please join me on Tuesday, February 24, 2009 as we share our take on the following quote, "In Other Words."

“Is it possible we could experience the joy of our salvationif we mourned [over our sin] as if someone had died?We cannot experience joy without mourning.”
by Pastor Robert Morris,from Sermon: “Those who mourn are happy”

Visit Loni at Writing Canvas to learn more about this fun and insightful writing oppotunity - "In Other Words."

See You Tuesday! Love Ya'll

Learning to Dream Again...

I wrote last month about Jeremiah 33:6 and how God is using it as a promise for restoration in our marriage. Well, something interesting has begun to take shape in our lives. I'm going to write about it at a new blog... A place to build the dream - so to speak.

That blog will be called Restoration Ranch. I will be writing all about the dream, the steps we are taking to realize the dream and how God builds the vision there. I'm excited about it... I hope you will join me as we build the dream of Restoration Ranch.

Love You.

No Time To Tarry... Siesta Scripture Memorization #4

No time to tarry here this morning. I am pausing here to post my memory verse for the next 14 days. I heard this verse and it grabbed a hold of me during the first week of January. I told Scott I needed to memorzize that Scripture so here we are. God is so ever-lovin' good. I heard it used again as the Scripture God gave Jimmy Evans when he began the Marriage Today ministry.

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"So [as the result of the Messiah’s intervention] they shall [reverently] fear the name of the Lord from the west, and His glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him and put him to flight [for He will come like a rushing stream which the breath of the Lord drives]." ~ Isaiah 59:19 (AMP)

So what Scripture is grabbing your heart these days? I'm so ready to maximize this verse in my mind and move into a new level of understanding about what God has to say to us about our lives. You bless me so... I love you guys. Beth should have her post up today over at LPM, if you want to join we are memorizing two Scriptures [of our choosing] a month (New on the first fifteenth). So start listening and pick your verse --- then hop on her blog, add your verse to the twice-a-month post and hide His Word in your heart. He is so going to bless you for committing yourself to Him in this way.

A Few of My Favorite Things... 'Bout Him!

**WARNING!! SAPPY, GOOEY, OOEY, STUFF ENCLOSED** READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
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Last night younger child said to me, "You too are like OOEY, GOOEY, MUSHY kind of people now!" YEAH!

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She said this because I was heading out to Bible study and realized I had not had a good long embrace and kiss from my hubs since picking him up from work yesterday. So, he offered me a peck on the cheek and I said, "Oh No, No, No."
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I put my arm around his waist and said, "We have not had our hug today."
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He said, "Oh well that's cause you been busy running here and there." (TRUE!)
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So we snuggled up in a big hug and exchanged a few sweet kisses and soft words of affection while Taylor let the dog out the back door. She said, "Ya'll are going to be all mushy now aren't you."
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She then reframed that statement. "I mean, in a good way."
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I love it. I reminded her this is what a healthy relationship looks like when you have a license for it.
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I was all warm and fuzzy as I stepped out into the cool night to make my way to Bible study.
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NUGGET FROM BIBLE STUDY: Taken from the story of Gideon in Judges 7 - Spiritual Battle begins with WORSHIP! Now there is a truth that will set you free. (We are "BREAKING FREE" by the way.)
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I love that man of mine. I returned home to find him reading the book I bought him over the weekend and settled down to resume my task of learning to master Sudoku puzzles. I finished two all by my lonesome last night - WOO! HOO! Small to you, big to me... So deal with it.
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So as Valentine's Day comes upon us I want to tell you a few of my favorite things about that MAN of Mine:
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1. My husband prefers warmer climates to colder ones. And... when it comes to him, SO DO I. We officially met in June and began our journey of love in those HOT, TEXAS SUMMER DAYS. He often would come down after work. My hubs has always been a construction, work outdoors, sweat a lot kind of guy. I must tell you that when he comes in from work and hugs my neck, I get all warm inside. His smell is almost intoxicating. It is a mixture of sweat, laundry soap, cologne and deodorant. It is most definitely uniquely him and it is one of my favorite smells in the whole wide world.
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2. That he never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye. (Second: That these days I'm awake to receive them.) But whether or not I'm conscious for the kissing, he is faithful to wish me well with a sweet kiss goodbye.
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3. The way he looks at me. His eyes were very nearly the first thing I noticed once I started to get to know him. I have written before that he has mood eyes, but in those early days they were that sweet amorous color I have grown to fondly call -"The Color of Fresh Sliced Limes." His eyes on me can make me melt in a second. Maybe less.
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4. The way he looks [PERIOD]. I remember before we even met, and before I knew who he was... He used to swagger around in his hat, his Ws and his boots and I would think... He is just another heartthrob cowboy who'll break a heart in a second and move on. I did not know this man would not even dare ask a woman to dance - but dance with any woman who asked him. I didn't ask. Nevermind the details... I can tell you that the first time we danced together it was because HE, yes, I'll say it again, He asked me. :o) I found my walking, talking dream man in this fella' and I was sure it wouldn't last. As he said after taking the Five Love Languages test, "SURPRISE!" I tell him all the time I loved him all my life... Even before we met he is the man I loved in my dreams.
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5. His hand in mine or at the small of my back. In Hope Floats, Birdie is describing how being with her soon-to-be ex-husband, Bill, made her feel safe. She said, "The way he'd look at me with his eyes, and the way he would put his hand on the small of my back and guide me through a room... It made me feel so safe." Being close to Scott always makes me feel safe. I love it when he takes the lead and even if he lets me walk in front of him - he shows me the way with a quiet reminder of his hand upon my back. It is the sweetest feeling in the world.
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6. And while I'm at it... my favorite sound in the whole world is when I lay my head on his chest and listen to the strength of his heartbeat.
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7. That he has been patiently teaching me to "see" the numbering patterns in Sudoku puzzles. He even checks my answers and lets me figure out what I did wrong! I love it.
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8. WHEN HE PRAYS. This morning he prayed so sweetly to the Lord. We've been at this every morning since the first of the year and the progression of his prayers has touched deep places inside of me. His children are on a prodigal excursion right now and we are praying for them... He asks the Lord to continue the work He is doing in their lives. I told him this morning, "You are asking by faith for something that you cannot see is happening but believe He is doing anyway." Oh how the Lord grows us up! I'm marvelling at the beautiful way He is working in my man's life and through his prayers. GLORY TO GOD! Thank you, Lord so much for giving me a man like Scott who is willing to learn to be the man You have called him out, set him apart and ordained him to be. I love him, so... and You, too.
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9. His Warrior Spirit. My man likes to conquer and not just conquer but to WIN! I almost nagged that warrior spirit right out of him, until I realized God gave him that spirited determination - he gave it really to all men, but so few of them thrive in it anymore. I want him to be the warrior in Christ he is called to be. He is our provider, our protector, and he has been assigned the role of Priest for this family, Prophet for our household and King of our Home. He is learning to exercise his dominion well under the leadership and authority of Christ.
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10. When He says I love you. I am going to include in this when he writes it as well. Almost more so when he writes because I know writing comes so much harder for him. Yesterday's email subject line was: "What if you did not have nail fungus?"
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Okay... That may not be the most romantic thing in the world, but it is funny. He swears to me he typed in "good morning" and the computer ate his words and regurgitated them as "What if you did not have nail fungus?" But I have my suspicions that he was just being funny since we are seeking a treatment for that very thing on his feet. Things that make you go HMMM! I print out his emails and post them around my desk so I can read them throughout the day. They are one of the sweetest things.
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That's my top then things that I just treasure about my man. How about you? What are some things you favor about that man of yours?
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BONUS: A few years ago, my hubs and I were members of a small group at our old church. One night we did the "EMPTY CHAIR" encouragement exercise. I was reluctant to do the turn in the chair 'cause I never quite feel comfortable receiving affirmation.
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The goal was to sit in the chair with your back to the group and then each one would take a turn to say one word or phrase of encouragement or they could identify one positive thing you bring to the group. It seemed like that night each person who sat in the chair was acknowledged by their spouse last. The last member to sit in the chair got to pick the next. When my turn came I wept as I listened to the people I had grown to love, admire and respect the most as my church family called me inspiring and encouraging, deep in the things of God... I could barely stand the words that were spoken because I often feel so unworthy of such accolades. My heart then heard God whisper, "Just listen with your heart."
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My husband, as seemed to be the unspoken rule, shared last. He said, "Michelle does know a lot about the Bible and she does know a lot about God. But for me, I guess the thing she does the most is she explains it in a way that doesn't make me feel [less than her ]* and helps me understand." (* I don't remember the exact word he used there, so rather than lie - I'll just express what it said to us that night.)

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I was UNDONE. The most precious words my man ever said actually spoke this to his wife's heart, "It's okay that my wife loves God so much and spends so much time in His Word because what she does helps me."
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Happy Valentine's Day! Remember Love always, trusts, always protects, always hopes and always perseveres... Love Never Fails. (1 Corinthians 13)

The Great Cake Caper 2009

Meet our Brittany... The shameless Photog who took our pictures!

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Last week my youngest girl confessed her dream to be a world class "Baker." She was given two very "stylish" cookbooks for Christmas one year and they are full of DESSERTS. She was sitting at the table with these two books and asked, "Do you think we could make a cake on Friday?"

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I was like yeah sure. Cake is easy - box from Duncan Hines [check], frosting from Duncan Hines [check], eggs [oops! gotta' get those- er check], oil [check], water [check], mixer [check], CAKE DONE.

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She flips through her book and says, "Good. I want to make something out of here."

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CHECK. AND. MATE.

She won.

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This is the very same child who used to complain about helping me cook dinner because SHE. COULD. NOT. COOK. And now she wants to make some pristine dessert from some fancy smancy cookbook and what else could I say.... "Are you sure?"

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Taylor: "Yes."

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She continues to flip through page after page. She is diligent in her perusal of each recipe. I also begin the flipping process. I pick up the other book and start looking.

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Me: "Okay. What do you want to make?"

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Her: "I dunno. Something."

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I land on this delicious looking white cake covered in fresh berries and my mouth started to water. There was a short, and might I add expensive list of ingredients... But this was going to be so fun! I flipped the page around toward my daughter and said, "How about this one?"

Taylor: [smiles] "Kayla and I have always wanted to make that cake! Can Kayla help?"

Me: "Sure."

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I scanned the list again and made a mental note to pick up the ingredients from the store on Friday.

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Friday arrived. I had the blueberries, blackberries and strawberries, white chocolate, self-rising flower, eggs, milk and sugar raring to go when the Miss got home from school. Kayla arrived shortly thereafter and the cooking was in full swing!

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We had fun, laughed and I was asked several times...

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"Mom? Would you let me do it?"

So I had to put down my spatula and put on my Chief Chef hat... "Okay."
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The cake was smashing! Like shortcake. Yum.

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A few of Brittany's friends dropped by while we finished up pouring the cake into the pans. We licked ourselves silly trying to get every last drop of luscious, melted white chocolate out of the bowl.

The cakes were baked. I kept telling them to turn down the television and not to laugh so the cake wouldn't fall. They said, "Don't drop them."

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Now we had to wait for Kayla to return from her dance practice to finish the chore.

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About an hour later Taylor said, "Do you think we could finish the cake?"

Me: "What about Kayla?".

Taylor: "She'll Live."

So we melted the rest of the chocolate and began to slather it onto the first layer of cake. We covered the chocolate with a layer of mixed berries and then added the second layer. We covered it until it was running over the side with white chocolate goodness and then added more berries to the top. Can I just tell you that it was THE. MOST. BEAUTIFUL. CAKE. I. HAVE. EVER. SEEN?



See for yourself... I do recommend baking cakes with your children. We had so much fun!

Taylor is so proud of her cake.

We had to wait until nearly midnight before she would cut the darn thing. She wanted to wait for Kayla and Brandi... They all lived. A very rich, yummy and decadent first feat for my Girl... The Brave Little Baker.

The Sweetest Gift: A Tomato and A Rose... In that Order

Yesterday was grocery day. Hubs, Taylor and I went to the local Wal-Mart* and bought our two weeks worth of food and odd household/personal items. I wanted to get it done before the storms landed on us and with eldest going to work at 5:20 that gave us nearly an hour and a half to get the deed done.
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As I have shared in earlier posts, Hubs and I did the Five Love Languages test and we both ended up with gifts being important but not most important. So... I've been buying him little gifts and even a few really nice ones this past month while I'm out and about during the day. He also bought me a gift on our Date Night Challenge - 15 songs on a Wal-Mart MP3 gift card and bubble bath. I still have not officially decided which is my favorite. For now I will say BOTH.
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He has been very sweet bringing me a candy bar or offering his blow money to buy me a meal. So this week being Valentine's the store was chauk full of pink and red fare. I bought his gift last week and his card a few weeks ago when they first came out. I also bought him four books from Half Price Books that are written by the author he picked up at the Christian book store a week or so ago. He is reading AGAIN! Praise the Lord. He is. I feel like we made a breakthrough there. He used to read these mystical, magical fantasy books when we met. About six years ago, we began to do a spiritual inventory and I expressed concern for those books. He sold all of them.
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God did the same thing two years ago with me about movies. I had quite a collection --- around 400 I would estimate or more. I sold every last one of those movies in a week. God was so funny. Each time I would go back to the store with a new batch to sell - they offered me more money. Not Even Kidding. I would take fewer and fewer DVDs in each time and the value would increase remarkably. Things that make you go HMMMM!

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I remember that my family almost went Berzerk about it. So I only sold the ones I purchased. Which were a lot. The girls have collected some 30 or 40 DVDs since my grand selling adventure but to my delight the desire to purchase movies has all but gone by the wayside. I have "Facing the Giants" and "Fireproof." I bought Scott the movie about Ernie Davis, "The Express," last payday but mostly - we just don't buy movies anymore.

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I digress... and ramble. Back to the story. So we went to Lifeway so I could look through their marraige and family section for good reading material and he meandered through the music section until he found his way back to me. As we were walking back to the front of the store a book caught his eye. It was written by Ted Dekker. I thought - okay, so he could read those. I had told him about the graphic novels Ted Dekker has and we found a few on the shelf. He said he would like to check out a couple of the series that are in the books and if they were like the graphic novels he might be interested. So... We kept looking. On the next aisle, near the end was a package of books wrapped in cellophane. Three novels. One of each of a series of books written by the same author. Stephen R. Lawhead. I thought... HMMM! These look a lot like what he has read in the past. I picked it up. The price: $14.88. I wanted to slap my money on the counter right then and declare "SOLD!" but my husband was not so sure. He perused the copies and said, "For the price, I'll try them."

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Okay. We stepped back around to the other side of the shelf and there was one of the books in the set sitting on the shelf. I handed it to him and suggested he read it a bit. He did and decided to purchase the set. This was two weeks ago today. He has read all three books. We ordered the remaining books in one series and a new series of books from Half.com and then I found the other series he wanted to read at Half Price Books for just over ten dollars. I was so excited. I felt like I was on a real live treasure hunt. WHOO HOO! And I struck gold on Monday.

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Fast Forward. We got our groceries and were all packed into the car with about 20 minutes to spare before eldest had to be picked up from school. That is when it hit me. I'm making hamburgers for supper and I forgot the tomatoes. I had been talking about hamburgers, sold Taylor and Scott both a hamburger and then realized my favorite ingredient was ominously missing. :o(
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I confessed I would have to make hamburgers another day because my mind abandoned Tomatoes completely in the store.
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Hubs asked again what time Britt got out of school and I said, "She has to be at work by 5:20." He said well we can go home and unload and..."

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I told him, "I'll go get her unless you want me to stay home and put away the groceries."

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He said, "No. I'm going to get her."

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Done. We unloaded the groceries while he drove to the school and picked up the girl. After nearly a half hour went buy I got worried. The school is less than five minutes from our house and her work a good ten minutes from there. Plenty of time to get home. I waited another fifteen minutes and called. "Baby, is everything okay?"

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"Yes. I'm just checking out. I went to the store to get the tomato you needed."

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My heart went, "AWE...."
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He assured me he would be right home and I was quite relieved to learn he was indeed safe and on his way home.

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I was head down in a Sudoku puzzle when he got home. He walked through the living room and almost made it to me before I looked up. I saw something in his hand that looked a bit too large to be a tomato and he grinned. My heart melted. He held one beautiful pink rose behind his back and a small bag with a roma tomato in the other.

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The rose was just opening into a beautiful teacup of soft pink petals. He said, "I picked that one because it was the only one that was opened up like that. I like it."

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I put my flower in water and stared at the tomato. I'm going to cry right now just thinking about it.

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My man is precious to the bone. He has spent the last few weeks recapturing my heart in none to few a ways. He has been listening and engaging conversations at deep levels, we have done more "getting to know you" type of work than I could possibly even begin to tell you about. And with patience he seeks to find the words that unlock the doorways to my heart. He writes me sweet little emails nearly two or three times a week and most of all he has begun to open the doors to his own heart to me as well. I'm overwhelmed.

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Last night was a huge milestone. He told me, as I have been telling him lately, with his actions that he hears what I need and he is willing to meet me where I am. All with a rose and a tomato. I need a photograph! :o) (So I went and took one...)

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Stay Tuned... More of our life with the dog is coming up and then... The Great Cake Caper that Taylor and I embarked on last Friday! Yummy....
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On Hurricanes, Devestation... and Restoration

My mind has been on Hurricane Ike a lot lately. Hurricane Ike blew in devestation, destruction and chaos for the coastal regions of the Gulf of Mexico. The mass exodus two weeks in a row left many not only put out, but scaping the bottom of the barrell as well. I think about that and consider the title of a book I own, "The Wind that Heals and Destroys" written by Stephen Broyles.
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Did you know that a mighty wind blew down the walls of Job's children's house and that is what killed them? Read chapter one again and see if it ain't so. The wind obviously destroys. Even yesterday, my husband made a bee line for the backyard when he arrived home from work. Why? Because a huge wind and rain storm blew through Sunday night and woke him up. He learned later that day that a friend of his incurred much damage and missed the day of work to see about repairs.
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But how does the wind heal? Think of it. The Pnuema of the New Testament and the Ruah of the Old Testament both represent breath or Spirit - but it could be wind as well. When the wind showed up while Elijah was crying out on the mountain - the wind destroyed, the earth quake destroyed, and the Scripture says that God was not in either of those, but instead... A Gentle Whisper. What, may I ask, is a gentle whisper? It is mostly an exhale wouldn't you say. The Breath of God descended upon Elijah. It healed his troubled heart and soothed his rattled nerves. God showed up and delivered Elijah in that moment. The wind that heals.
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How about when the storm came to the disciples on the boat? The wind and waves roared all around them, but Jesus came in not once, but on two separate occasions and spoke - exhaled the Breath of God - against the wild, ravaging wind and pelting water and what happened? The storm subsided and peace or calm was restored to the disciples once again.
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Then again, after Jesus ascended to the right hand of His Father in heaven - the wind visited the disciples and those they were teaching in Jerusalem. The Holy Spirit came upon them in a mighty rushing wind. Not just a breeze blew through, but a MIGHTY. RUSHING. WIND.
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A mighty rushing wind that did not destroy? Yes.
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Instead, it brought power and the Holy Spirit worked mightily in that service and the many acts the early church participated in, observed and worked through. The wind that heals. Do you imagine that there were some healings taking place in the crowd that day? Relationships were restored? Lives saved? We know the lives were saved because Dr. Luke was careful to tell us so. But, whew - have you ever experienced the Lord like that? He is amazing.
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So as I sit and think about the wind that heals and destroys, I think about Hurricane Ike.

Most of you know that Hurricane Ike took my husband away from home for most of September and all of October. What you don't know is that during that time God delivered big on some things I had been praying to Him about.
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In the weeks leading into Hurricane Ike's arrival, I was sealed in my healing from the grief over Justin's death. August 23rd. Prior to going to San Antonion I had gone to a weekend event at our church called Kairos which is a two day event designed to created a safe environment to experience the overwhelming presence of God and all that He wants to give you in that time. August 8-9th. That last day of Kairos God showed me some things about how rebellion had worked in my life and been handed down generationally through the women on both sides of my family. He also opened up the door for my family to be free from the Spirit of Mammon - the love of money and all that would imply. That same day God showed me something about my husband that I began to pray about. My husband's heart had turned hard against both me and God, and I had a share in the reason his heart was hard. I had done things to hurt my husband.
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I began to work it out with God then and I tried to confess it to my husband but he was not able to hear me at that time. Then he went out of town.
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Ladies, without sharing any details, I am going to tell you that while God was working to restore things that had been taken from me and stolen from our family in my life... My husband was stepping off of a spiritual cliff. And ripe with opportunity he walked into the biggest spiritual battle of our marital life with his armor completely off. Those days and weeks out of town were a fertile ground for the enemy to lay the groundwork for destruction. To open doors that should have been slammed shut.
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Still, all the while I prayed, I confessed to God and continued to walk in the work He began in me. I shared revelations with my husband and our family about how God was working and I pressed in hard asking many to pray for my husband. I became convinced that neither Scott nor his employer had sent him to work out of town - but that instead God Himself had arranged the entire experience. Little did I know what lay ahead.
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The winds of Hurricane Ike ravaged the coastal regions of Texas during those early fall days of 2008, but there was a full blown storm brewing and building during that time that was coming against my husband and our marriage in the most heinous way - and I was almost too blind to see it.
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As my husband and I drove through those wind ravaged coastal towns during his last weekend working there - I was struck by one thing... The storm would utterly destroy one house while leaving the one right next door standing untouched. We saw a home that had been literally SLICED. IN. TWO. Not even kidding about this, it was sheered in two. Only one half of the house remained. The covers on the bed were disheveled, but otherwise the house looked largely untouched. Those people were hoping and praying the storm would turn, or weaken somehow before coming ashore - but sometimes the nature of the storm is to come with all its fury, its force and its power to devestate and destroy you so that God can meet you in the chaos and speak to you with a gentle whisper.
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I had no idea that in just a few months my marriage would look like the obliterated towns of San Leone when we drove those streets and marvelled at the destruction. But, God came to me in a gentle whisper the first time the storm made landfall in our marriage and He has walked me through every single step to this place of great healing and restoration. We may not be fully restored just yet, but we are being redeemed and the process came by wind from the enemy - seeking to destroy us, but is now being restored by the gentle whispers and truths of God that calm the storm, bring peace to our souls and remind us daily of His love, grace and mercy. And all I can say is AMEN.