Names of Jesus Bible Study

In 2008 I did a weekly in-depth Bible study on the Hebrew Names of God. In those days I had all day everyday to dig through the tissue paper pages and volumes of commentary on my bookshelves to develop a post of this nature. These days I slide it in as I have time between family, work, domestic responsibilities and my newest passion - PAINTING.

Still, tonight as I began a series of posts on Colossians and began to consider the mysteries of God in Christ I remembered my desire to do a study on the Names of Jesus that life preempted in 2009. I believe God's revelation of His nature and character await us in this season of study. I will be posting video blogs each week here at my personal blog, and a detailed written post at my Scripture & Prayer blog if you would like to print out and review the notes. Check back here each Monday for a new video blog and link to study notes focusing on one of the names of Jesus referenced in Scripture.

Please feel free to comment and bring your own insights to the table as we trek through the pages of our Bibles and discover Jesus through the names used to identify Him in Scripture. Let the study begin!

First name we will study: Immanuel | October 3


And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. ~John 1:14 (NKJV)

When there are no words...

When in Colorado I saw things that took my breath away and left no room for words. I didn't just see the majesty of the Rocky Mountains in northern Colorado - I felt it. Deep inside of me something awakened, a new sense of awe and childlike wonder I had no words  to describe.



Colors jumped to life before my very eyes. My heart found a place to be thrilled and quieted all in the same moment. As the two vehicles in our vacation caravan kept pace, one with another, I allowed my eyes to trace every line and explore every crevice it saw. I pulled out my phone or the camera and snapped away as the Lord whispered sweetly in my ears. "I planned this for you."

Light beckoned me in Colorado. It danced among the clouds just ahead or above the fray on the interstate before us. When the clouds proved dense, the sun would peek out now and again as if to say, "I'm still here. I'll be with you all day."

Rain fell and fear threatened. Skirmishes broke out in the caravan still we all arrived in one piece. The storm in my heart over the treacherous drive all but subsided. I felt quiet, and did not want to talk. Disappointed does not even begin to describe the way I felt. I felt submersed in dark water. This is vacation?

Would the storms remain?

Decidedly no. :)



As the Sun came up... The Moon went down...

Sunset atop Lionshead at Vail. At a cool, crisp 40 degrees it is one of the most beautiful moments we experienced on our trip.



This little birdie met us on the Spruce Loop trail up the mountain from Beaver Creek Village. It taunted me with a spirited little flounce across the path I ventured down. I followed into a narrow trail and snapped a few photos as he flitted and flew among the branches of the evergreens there. Sweet Tweet! :)



SO.  GRATEFUL. that I did not see this sign before we walked in the woods. Running into a bear was NOT on my list of things to do in Colorado. I think my favorite one is to talk calmly if the bear sees you so he knows you are not a threat. Stand your ground on the ground... Why? Bears climb trees. Yeah, it is useful information but I am pretty sure all that information would fly out the window if I ever stand toe-to-toe with a bear.





I mentioned the pottery painting tent we discovered the first day... This is the fruit of our labor. I painted a cereal sized bowl for my niece, Eva. We also did two smaller bowls, four dragons and a cute little police car.

Friday morning as we rode the ski lifts up to the Spruce Loop, little chipmunks pranced across the green grass covering the ski slopes below. My heart giggled at the sight of them. I wanted to see one up close and personal. Yes, I did. I prayed, Lord would you let me get a picture of a chipmunk.

We made our way back down the mountain on the chair lift without snapping a photo of a furry friend. But, the bird I met on the path certainly gave me great joy. At least not on Friday...

The next day shaking hands almost did me in when Scott pointed this little guy out to me at an information center in Pike's National Forest. I shook and had a hard time finding the little guy in the zoomed in digital display of the camera. I thought I needed to hurry, but when he saw me coming toward him with my camera he ran right out on the rock and posed. YES. POSED.

We ventured further up the path and found Sherry and Kevin atop a stone terrace. Sherry was snapping pictures of a small herd of chipmunks who were frolicking all around her in the warm afternoon sun. This is the perfect way to end a vacation - in case you are wondering. I think we met Chip, Dale, Alvin, Simon and Theodore. :)







The other view from the terrace...

And the rest of the trip on our last day in Colorado... Simply beautiful. We did take two excursions away from the older folk in our caravan. We drove all around Pike's Peak area for several hours actually and happened into a town with a motorcycle rally in full swing. Thousands of bandana and leather clad Harley riders lined the streets - every street all over the town. The second turn off the beaten path was near Pueblo when we set out to find yarn. We called these two jaunts around the mountains "The Great Pike's Peak Excursion" we literally drove around in a circle. Then when we got to Pueblo we lit out on "The Great Yarn Excursion." I didn't get to ride the cog train or see Pike's Peak up close and personal, but I saw a pyramid made out of gold dust and old abandoned mines set all through the curving mountainous roads we traveled that last day in the Rocky Mountains.

My sweet Mom and Dad keeping warm at Lionshead. :)

Sherry and Kevin at Pike's National Forest.

Uncle Sam and Aunt Laura on the Georgetown Loop railroad heading out of Silver Plume, Colorado on Thursday.

And finally, a few last glimpses of sunset over Vail.

I still want to share the artistry I saw in Beaver Creek Village and will do so soon! Still... Colorado captivated me and I hope the pictures delight you as much as they left me breathless.

Hidden Treasure

Six years ago I pressed into Colossians 2 with a deep yearning to know more about the "circumcision of the heart" Paul speaks of in this chapter. I remember studying this at a time when I was searching the Scriptures and God's heart seeking a greater understanding of His deep grace and the workings of that grace to bring us to completion in Christ.

The journey through Colossians 2 led me to a decision. On February 6, 2005 I put on my t-shirt and shorts in the small dressing room behind the platform at Chisholm Trail Baptist Church and walked out into the baptistry for the second time in my life to receive water baptism. That day I asked the Lord to cut the flesh nature away from my heart so that only He remained.

This past weekend, I experienced this chapter of Scripture in a brand new way. I experienced a baptism that served as both circumcision and deliverance and what I feel signifies completion of what I began searching out in those cold winter days more than a half decade ago.

My heart leans again toward this chapter, I hope it is all right if I share what I discover anew with you.

Colossians 2:1-3 (ASV)
"For I would have you know how greatly I strive for you, and for them at Laodicea, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh; that their hearts may be comforted, they being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, that they may know the mystery of God, even Christ, in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge hidden." 

Let's start with Paul's great concern for the Church at Colosse. The Greek word translated in verse 1 as "strive" is ἀγών (Strong's Greek #73) which is transliterated, agōn. In the Complete Word Study Dictionary this definition is shared:

ἀγών [See Stg: <G73>] agón; masc. noun. Strife, contention, contest for victory or mastery such as was used in the Greek games of running, boxing, wrestling, and so forth. Paul applies the word to the evangelical contest against the enemies of man's salvation (1 Tim. 6:12; 2 Tim. 4:7 [cf. 1 Cor. 9:24]). A race, a place to run (Heb. 12:1). A struggle, contest, contention (Phil. 1:29, 30; Col. 2:1; 1 Thess 2:2). In the NT, it is presented as the life task of the Christian. (AMG's Complete Word Study Dictionaries - The Complete Word Study Dictionary – New Testament.)

In the American Standard Version, the word appears as an English verb, but in the Greek the word is a noun: A contest or contention. This word implies a striving toward a specific end, victory or mastery.

Paul had never met the Christians at the Church in Colosse, but in his heart he fought for them. He contended for them spiritually. Paul's zeal for believers commended them to a greater understanding of the mysteries of God - even Christ. Can you hear his heart speaking to them?

He said he wanted them to know how he contended for them and the believers at Laodicea, as many who had not seen his face. Paul had so great a burden for these, and he had never met them. He did not know them personally, but he was connected to them by God's heart.

Paul's desire was to encourage and comfort the believers at Colosse and Laodicea. That there would be unity in their body and that as they grew close in heart to one another - they would also grow close in heart to God. Who has God laid on your heart to contend for their faith and understanding of the mysteries of God?

He speaks of an abundance of riches, a wealth, of understanding. A full assurance - a full measure-of understanding which brings revelation of the mystery of God-and that mystery is wholly found in Christ. I do not know about you, but early in my walk with God I had a hard time understanding how Christ could be both God and man. How did divinity within humanity make his experience tangible?

As a young teen, I pictured Jesus as a "super hero" type of God. You know... If he fell down it did not hurt, or if he was wounded he didn't really feel pain. The hurtful things had to bounce off of Him. After all He did not stop being God just because He became a man. His flesh a costume, like that of Clark Kent in the Superman story. But, that God thing He had going that really meant He just did what He had to do to save us - but somehow my picture remained void of experience.

Fast forward to spring 2004. Mel Gibson's graphic depiction of the Passion of the Christ demonstrated a side of Jesus that I struggled to identify.  Suffered. Anguished. Died.

His existence and humanity warred with His divinity in knowing He must suffer. He must anguish. He must die. Redemption could not satisfy the justice of God without a perfect sacrifice. Sacrifice involved pain, suffering, anguish and death - giving up the precious in place of the vile.

He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood. ~Luke 22:44 (NLT)

He agonized. He prayed. He suffered there in prayer. He surrendered.

His divinity knew necessity. His humanity knew pain. His beloved knew redemption.

He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” ~Matthew 26:39 (NLT)

When the Passion of the Christ came to theaters seven years ago, I collected money and names of people in our church to attend the first evening show on opening weekend. Still, I went early on opening day, purchased a ticket and sat through the movie alone weeping profusely at the agony of my Christ. My heart writhed as I witnessed the dramatic recreation of His suffering and my heart finally knew that Jesus boasted no super power - He laid aside His power, miracles and zeal in favor of the cross so that I could be free.

For me, that day watching the suffering of Christ, "cut me to the heart." It exposed the foolishness of my idol, Jesus, and opened my heart to the reality of my Savior and Lord, and all He did to make me His own. He came for me. What love? What Grace? What Sacrifice? For me?

Think of the wealth of this understanding. The Bible Knowledge Commentary (Walvoord & Zuck, Dallas Theological Seminary) gives us insight into the depths of this passage. The commentators call Paul's stiving a "Labor of Love."

2:2-3. Paul’s stated purpose was that they might be encouraged in heart and united in love. Confidence and strength of conviction as well as cohesive unity yield a full understanding of the truth. There is no full knowledge apart from moral commitment. Complete understanding (syneseōs, “insight”) results from complete yielding. And this understanding is Christocentric. This insight into God’s ways enables believers to know (epignōsin) Christ fully. Christ, as the true mystery of God, reveals God to man (cf. John 1:18; Heb. 1:2-3). For in Him are hidden (cf. Col. 1:26) all the treasures of wisdom (sophia, cf. 1:9) and knowledge. Knowledge is the apprehension of truth; wisdom is its application to life. Knowledge is prudent judgment and wisdom is prudent action. Both are found in Christ (cf. Rom. 11:33; 1 Cor. 12:8) whose wisdom is foolishness to the world (1 Cor. 1:21-25), but who is the power of God by which a believer receives “righteousness, holiness, and redemption” (1 Cor. 1:30).

This statement from the commentary gives me pause, "Knowledge is the apprehension of truth; wisdom is its application to life. Knowledge is prudent judgment and wisdom is prudent action. Both are found in Christ..."

Beth Moore has been known to say, "Wisdom is knowledge applied." AMEN.

So if Jesus suffered so greatly on my behalf - what else about my image of God had to be examined?

God the Father represented all authority I had ever known. Demanding obedience and giving little attention to the positive only observing the negative when my actions or attitude required correction. Grace eluded me, and my picture of God the Father for my first 34 years of life resembled an angry Judge/Father who boasted too many responsibilities to be really concerned or available to me, but waited for me to screw up so He could prove my need of Him.

One night, I sat in a "Hearing God" class at Church. Bob Hamp walked casually back and forth as He shared Scripture's testimony of God's deep desire to communicate intimately with me.

He paused in his paces and quieted the room. We bowed our heads and closed our eyes. Then he asked the question, "God, is there a lie that I have believed about you?"

My heart sped up as I awaited the verdict that loomed in my heart. But, God didn't issue a verdict. Instead, He issued a pardon.

You think I've been sitting up here waiting for you to screw up so I can say, "Gotcha!"

I picked up my pen and wrote down the words that rolled through my mind like a kiosk in Time Square. Bob then asked the next question, "If that is a lie, then what is the truth to replace it? "

Laughter began to bubble up in my heart as I realized the answer to this second, more important question. I've got you, stop trying so hard.

And just like that my judgment against both myself and God fell away to the truth of His Spirit at work in my heart. Repentance.

These last few years I have allowed that word the opportunity to marinate in my soul. As I rehearsed it again and again, I also refuted the accusations of my accuser and the evidence of my past that threatened to steal my righteousness in Christ.

God has spoken new truths to me since those early days when I learned to recognize His voice and embrace His truth. Little by little the natural way I think and live has ebbed away while new life has sprung up in unexpected places. Every once in a while I will ask the Lord, "Would you tell me a secret thing?"

The answer remains the same, Watch and see. And when you see you'll know.

And I always know. When He shows me the revelation, I always know that it is God revealing to me "a secret thing." He even tells me He loves that I know He will show me if I ask Him.

Over time I have grown to discover the intimacy and beauty of my Father God and His precious Son, Jesus. Their intimate connection with my heart opens me to new arenas of blessing, new areas of ministry, and new revelations of His love. Complete. A full measure of understanding? Perhaps, but the well is deeper. I love that I can be satisfied here, but still yearn for and attain more without even trying. He just speaks it and it is so.

His love is extravagant and there is so much more of Him for us to know. Christ is our Hidden Treasure. Will you come along and see what we can discover about Him together?

"It Ain't Easy Being Green"

NOTE: If you have not taken the opportunity to read these two posts about my relating to things in my brain through colors please visit: Embracing My Colorful Self and Self Awareness, Self Observation and Hearing God before reading this post.

In the movie "Hope Floats," Travis is a young boy living with his grandmother because his mother abandoned him to pursue an acting career in California.

Travis spends much of his time in costumes created by his grandmother where he pretends to be something or someone different than a child abandoned by his mother. Travis, in turn, abandons his reality and creates another one through these costumes to avoid the painful reality that his mother really didn't want him.

In one particular scene the family is seated around the dinner table and Travis is dressed up like a frog. They eat their soup out of bowls made from tortoise shells. When the grandmother asks, "How's your dinner, Kermit?"

Travis responds in a frog voice, "Good."

"Well, we seem to be the only ones enjoying it. Did you ever see two such mopes?"

She points to her daughter, Travis' Aunt Birdie, along with his cousin, Bernice, and says, "That's a mope, and that's a mope."

Ramona Calvert shares how difficult and pointless her life is, but she chooses to be happy. She goes on to encourage them to brighten up and then she says, "Look at Kermit here ... Do you think it's easy being green?"

Later in the movie Birdie explodes at her mother. "I had to be pleasing, Mama. With the town joke as a mother. I had to be pleasing, when you'd come flounce yourself into school with your roadkill hat and your freshly skinned bag, Mom. I learned how to be pleasing."

Her mom snaps back. "You're pleasing nobody. You're miserable, yourself, and I've never been unhappy. So the joke is on you, honey."

Clearly it was not easy being part of the Calvert family.

Green in my brain family represents all things related to my family of origin. God and my own growing up have contributed to a great deal of healing in my life and my relationship with family. Still, growing up in a 70's era household with parents who loved hard and fought even harder can be a traumatic thing. I knew from my very first collage when I saw a picture of "Kermit the Frog" in the area where Green had turned up in my brain map that he came to say, "It's not easy being part of this family."

But, if you polled even the Cleavers or the Nelsons I think you would find that they would also say, "It ain't easy being a family."

Families made up of individuals with different dispositions and personality types can be wonderful and dysfunctional all at the same time. The same holds true for me and my family.

Green had a problem after Gray left. Green thought I didn't need her anymore. Her fear and anger rolled around inside of me for a few days before I finally collaged her with Pink. Turns out Green took on the attributes that a lot of the women in my family carried.

• Green is strongly connected to family.


• She even idolizes the family.


• Family history is very important to Green.


• Family is the only thing that matters to Green.

I knew addressing Green's feelings and memories would be difficult at best and even painful if I dug in hard. Dr. Mungadze helped me to understand that Green had a couple of problems that I would need to help her along with in terms of understanding. The first area we would need to work on would be Green's connection to Gray, and the idea that I wanted to get rid of Green like I'd gotten rid of Gray. The second thing would be introducing Green to the beneifts of God's family.

I'm going to share most of my dialogue and praying through my Green color because it really is a powerful thing that God did in this exchange for Green and for Me.

ME: Green, are you there?

GREEN: Yes. Are you going to make me leave, too?

ME: No. Pink chose to leave, I’ll let you go when you choose to go, but not before.

GREEN: It makes me really sad.

ME: I know it does. Tell me about what’s happening with you.

GREEN: Well.. first Gray left and then Blue released all the pictures… and Purple… well it just doesn’t feel safe anymore.

ME: Why doesn’t it feel safe?

GREEN: B’cause Gray has always been with me.

ME: What do you mean?

 GREEN: B’cause we’re family. You know… WE. ARE. FAM-I-L-EE.

 ME: Green, Pink, Blue, Purple, Red, Yellow, Aqua, and Brown are our family in here, Gray was not our family. Green, Gray lied to me.

 GREEN: So. He has been here as long as I remember. That means he’s family.

 ME: No. He moved in and for a while I agreed for him to stay, but Gray wanted to hurt us… all of us.

GREEN: NO! Gray wanted to hurt YOU! I’m different than YOU!

ME: How are we different, Green?

GREEN: I take care of myself. I keep the family records, and I even know a lot of the history. Knowledge is power, and I’m powerful.

ME: Green, do you ever get tired?

GREEN: What do you mean?

ME: I mean, do you ever get tired of thinking so much?

GREEN: Sometimes…sometimes I wish I’d forget.

 ME: Green, how old are you?

 GREEN: Twelve. 

(At 12, my maternal grandmother died, my cousin’s fiancée was murdered, my uncle and his entire family was killed in a car accident, and at the end of that year I received Christ as my Savior and was baptized. This was the second or third year of regular church attendance for my entire family in my life.)

ME: Green, why is family important?

GREEN: B’cause it tells us who we are. The genes, the DNA – even the way we look is tied to them. If we don’t have family – who are we? Orphans?

ME: What about me is like my family?

GREEN: You like to argue like your dad. You look like your dad’s mom and your mom. You have a quick temper. You like to tell stories. You like to be the best at what you do. You press through and don’t give up. Your son died. You had sex before you married. You love hard. Your eyes are brown. You have back problems. You can be a bully with your words. Shall I go on?

ME: That’s enough. I guess when I hear all that there’s a lot of pain there.

GREEN: Well… It’s true.

ME: Green, those are the facts, but they are not who I am.

GREEN: How so?

ME: When I had my love encounter with Jesus in 2003 He began to show me who He created me to be?

GREEN: You meant that knit us together in your mother’s womb CRAP?

ME: You were here when Blue met Jesus?

GREEN: Yes, and I was none too happy. Did you see what He did to our tree? The roots have been cut.  

ME: Green, I asked Jesus to sever the roots. The tree is sick and we have to treat it at the roots before God can heal us.

GREEN: I like us the way we are.

ME: Why?

GREEN: We’re real, I can be myself. Change scares me.

ME: What has to change?

GREEN: I don’t know. You changed husbands, lots of times (promiscuity), you changed churches, houses… You even change the way you look all the time. I can’t even keep up anymore. I don’t like it. You want me to change families now?

 ME: Do you want to change?

GREEN: I don’t know.

ME: What are you afraid of – really?

GREEN: That for this change to happen I have to die.

ME: Who told you that?

GREEN: They didn’t have to tell me. I know.

 ME: What do you know?

GREEN: You’ve been trying to get rid of me for a long time now.

ME: I don’t believe that is true. I love my family and I value them and I value you. Good or bad my experiences with them have shaped who I’ve come to be, but God’s family has also help shape me into who I am.

GREEN: How?

ME: They love me for who I am, not what I do.

GREEN: And?

ME: They help me overcome the bad things that happen, like Justin dying, with God’s good.

GREEN: I remember. It was like that whole church had a son, brother, grandson die. That really was incredible. I mean, your --- MY Family --- was there for you, too.

ME: Of course they were. They always have been. But I need both my natural family and my church family.

GREEN: I guess you are right. Where does that leave me?

ME: What if you’re wrong about Jesus, Green?

GREEN: What can I do to change that?

ME: Would you like to talk to Jesus, Green?

GREEN: Do you think He can help me?

ME: I do, but you have to choose.

GREEN: Okay. Will you take me to Jesus?

ME: Jesus, Green wants to talk to you.

JESUS: Hello, Green.

GREEN: Jesus, is what Michelle said true?

JESUS: About what exactly?

 GREEN: We need the church family just like we need our natural family?

 JESUS: Yes, Green. It’s true.

GREEN: Why?

JESUS: Because when Adam and Eve ate from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil  they stopped looking to me for what they needed. Do you understand?

GREEN: I think. Bob Hamp taught us about this. He said it is the problem you came to solve… Right?

JESUS: Yes, that is right?

GREEN: So how does that help me?

JESUS: Well, because all mankind is born with the same problem, God the Father made a way so if I died and rose again alive then you could be adopted as His daughter.

GREEN: But what about the rest of our family?

JESUS: Because Michelle has chosen to let Me deal with the roots you are able to stay close to them.

GREEN: But didn’t you say people who follow you have to leave their family behind?

JESUS: Yes, I did. But those families hurt you like my own family rejected Me and those who followed Me. Michelle’s family isn’t doing that.

[Omitted due to family issues that I do not have permission to disclose.]

GREEN: So, we can have two families?

JESUS: Two that are really one.

GREEN: Okay! Does this mean I can go with Pink?

JESUS: Michelle, Green would like to go with Pink. How do you feel about that.

ME: Grateful. Green you’ve been the glue that has held us together, but now that you have chosen Jesus, He can take care of that for us now.

GREEN: So, I can go now?

ME: Green, you will be a part of me always. The part that connects me to both my family and God’s family. I love and the families you represent. You can go now.

GREEN: (hugs me tight) Thank you.

ME: Go in peace.

GREEN: I’m ready, Jesus.

JESUS: I have some really cool archives I want to show you. It’s all about Michelle’s family’s hall of faith.

GREEN: Cool! Can Pink come, too?

JESUS: She’s already there. Let’s go.

ME: Goodbye, Green.

Green and Pink joined my core identity by joining me in accepting Jesus. I now feel more free to embrace the wonderful things about my family while learning not to give into the negative patterns, renounce and come out of agreement with generational roots of iniquity and dysfunction, and learning to love myself as a part of them.

Even though it's not easy being a part of my family... It's so worth it. I would not be who I am today without them.

Not a Feel Good Moment

In 1992 I divorced my first husband and proceeded to drag my three children through the ridicule and mess of a prodigal existence. In the years that followed I spiraled out of control with wild living, honky-tonk frequenting, one-night-stands and lots and lots of alcohol. My life and my heart were a wadded up mess of jumbled emotions, failures, and outright criminal behavior. I'm a pretty open book so I don't mind telling you that I'm not proud of it, but it remains an honest appraisal of the worst years of my adult life.

In 1994 a very tall man literally lifted me off my feet from a dance hall floor in Fort Worth, Texas and pursued hard after this "used up woman with three kids." He was younger, cocky and, standing seven feet tall, was head and shoulders above the crowd. He could not be missed. Within months the part of me that wanted to run away and escape the reality of single motherhood chose to move in with this man and took the rest of us-including my kids with me.

I soon learned he carried anger like a weapon, but distributed it like a guided missile in stealth mode. You often never saw it coming. I should have run for the hills the first time he turned those violent tendencies toward me and my kids, but I had burned bridges that left me few places to turn. His hostile nature was buried in charm and sparkling blue eyes and a disarming smile that always apologized.

His family was divided about whether to embrace me and my kids or convince him to get us out of the picture. I thought I loved him - but now realize I had no idea what love looked like or how healthy love could be expressed. Nothing about us made sense, but we were moth to flame with each other. Drawing out the worst and trying to make the best of it.

I lived far from God in those days, but it didn't keep me from praying. I remember one such day when he and I were driving to his parent's house for dinner. He had begun to berate and humiliate me in the three blocks from where I lived and his family home. When we arrived at the house, I fought back tears and waited for him to exit the car.

I looked straight ahead as I told my kids, "Don't get out of the car."

I locked the doors and sat there believing that it would only get worse if we went inside. He had the keys so I sat and waited. He returned a few minutes later exasperated that I was still in the car with my kids. He opened the driver's side door with the keys and said, "Are you coming inside?"

"Not until you apologize and assure me that you will stop speaking to me disrespectfully."

He laughed, a hint of disbelief in the tone. "My parents want to know why you are sitting out here."

"Tell them it's because their son is being a jerk."

He pulled himself together and laughed again. "I'm sorry, all right. I won't talk to you that way anymore. Now, will you come inside?"

"Come inside kids, it's time to eat."

In the kitchen his mother helped me prepare the kid's plates. She leaned in close to me and said, "You are the bravest person I've ever met."

I remember laughing to myself, Bravest or stupidest? The jury is still out on that...

That relationship unraveled a few weeks later when he arrived to see me in rare form. He had been even more rude and cruel with his words again so I told him to leave, and I didn't want to see him anymore. He turned around and with a calm that I can barely explain, he pulled back his huge fist and cold-cocked me in the face. The results were explosive. I fell back on the bed in stunned silence while my four year old baby girl stood up and said, "You hurt my momma, leave now."

She helped me dial 9-1-1 and a few minutes later my roommates and the police, paramedics and neighbors arrived to assist me and care for my children. The results were devastating. Police arrested him as he walked up the street away from the house.

After being transported by ambulance to the hospital, I returned home to my parents and spent the next year going through court proceedings and the usual trappings of a broken/battered woman goes through with the one who stole her heart and broke her life. Then, the facts would have called me a victim or survivor of domestic violence. Not once, but twice.

I prosecuted the man. The meeting with the district attorney revealed that he could be charged with felony assault due to the extent of my injuries, but he admitted that the man would cop a plea to anything misdemeanor. I asked that they make sure that it stayed on his record and that he got anger management help so that steps could be taken to ensure that other women would not end up in the same situation I found myself in.

He was arrested again for stealing a few months later and spent six months in jail. When he got out he came looking for me but I had finally moved on. He still tried to find his way back in, but I would not let him. Fear and pain covered every inch of me when I would answer the phone and his voice would come through the other end of the line.

Scott and I ran into him out at Northside one Saturday night and I felt my blood run cold standing so close to him. It didn't take long for my old run away instincts to kick in and I did. Scott stood toe-to-toe with him and might have taken it to blows for me if Jason would have persisted. Thankfully we didn't have to find that out then.

The last time he called my parent's house was a few months before Scott and I married when my dad told him that I would be married soon and he should move on with his life.

I have not thought of him in years until today. My friend for many years shared a link with me on Facebook. He has been arrested for involvement in an 11 year crime spree of organized burglaries of jewelry stores. His bail is set at one million dollars.

My heart aches for his mother and sisters as I sit here tonight. These women are good people, nice people. His mother has been widowed for around 15 years and I can only imagine that this latest turn of events is very painful for them as well.

I read the news story to Scott tonight and conversed with my old friend on Facebook. I told her that it is still a bit unsettling that I had once considered marrying that man. I am so grateful for the turn of events that moved him out of my life and for my husband, Scott, who is a gentle, steadfast man who loves me without condition. He just loves.

But, still... I understand that Jason has one child and as I have mentioned a family who is hurting over all of this. I pray for them tonight, and for Jason's heart and soul. That he would find Christ as he sorts out the latest details of his criminal career and encounter the life changing love of a God who can redeem even a career criminal from his own destruction.

Would you join me in praying for them? My family does not understand why I need to pray for people who have hurt me the way this man and even Justin's dad did. But, Jesus said it all this way:

Matthew 5:43-48 (NKJV)
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

I chose by an act of my will to forgive this man many years ago, so I desire him no ill will. My hope is that he will find himself changed on the other side of this self-induced misery.

His name is Jason Kennedy. Please pray for him as often as you think of it. No one is beyond the hand of the Lord.

 

NASCAR & Perseverance

One of my favorite things to do on the weekend is curl up on the couch in my pajamas and watch the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series. As a girl who has always been drawn to fast muscle cars, the race scene and all its smokin' tire glory get me excited the way most North Texans get excited about football. This weekend, NASCAR Sprint Cup Driver, Tony Stewart-#14 Office Depot/Mobile Chevrolet, won his first race of the 2011 season. His first win coincided with the first race of the Chase for the Sprint Cup this year.

You may be asking yourself, Why on earth is this important?

And, in the grand eternal scheme of things - It really is not important at all... to you. But, to me, Tony Stewart is my favorite race car driver and week after week I watch and anticipate his next big win.

The NASCAR season begins in February with the Daytona 500 and runs 36 races long into mid-November finishing up in Homestead, FL. With few exceptions race teams travel the track circuit across the country practicing, qualifying and racing each and every weekend.

This season has been tough to watch - Tony had lost every race leading up to September 19th with a couple of close calls and some really heartbreaking moments when his car was wrecked or disabled at a critical point in the race. Imagine losing 26 straight races.

I have watched him hold his ground in the chase even when it seemed he could not gain any ground or momentum to compel him forward. I heard his interviews with the media who pounded home the fact that he had not yet won a race. And, I heard his own voice say, "I don't deserve to be in the chase."

Still, his team has fought hard to stay in Chase contention throughout the season. He has overcome bad starting positions and finishes and began this week's race in the 26th of 43 positions on the track tied with four other drivers for last place in the top 12.

Sports Wire News reported on Monday that Tony all but counted himself out of cup contention in his media interviews last Thursday before the weekend's race related activities began. But, after the race...

"We didn't have anything to lose," he said. "Where we're at in the Chase right now, we had to press." (Sports News Wire, NASCAR.com)

And today, he is second in the Chase for the Sprint Cup Championship that will be decided in Homestead, FL in just nine short weeks. We didn't have anything to lose...

The apostle Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown." (1 Corinthians 9:24-25, NKJV) Believers in Christ are all running a race for an imperishable crown. We are exhorted by God's Word to go out day after day and press into God, pursue hard after a relationship with Him, and finish this race well. Our greatest hope and desire is not the reward - the crown or prize - but the glory of the Lord that will be expressed when He places our crown upon our heads and says, "Well done, My good and faithful servant."

Just before Scott and I went on vacation with extended family in August, I went to the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit.

The high point of the conference for me was a quirky man with yellow horn-rimmed glasses. His presentation was captivating for two reasons - he used pictures of glaring contradictions to illustrate the points of his message, but also his message hit me where I live. Seth Godin exhorted the leadership summit attenders to take their laptops and go conquer the world. He said, if you are supposed to write-write. If you are an artist-do art. He proclaimed that every person with a laptop and access to the internet has all the tools necessary to be successful in their calling and field of expertise.

He highlighted the fact that the industrial age defeated individualization and the motivation of the individual to pursue a greater life than they were born into - the status quo became more appealing than the wild blue yonder. For me, the voice of God came through... LOUD & CLEAR. "What are you waiting for?"

"What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his own soul?" Matthew 16:26. What if this passage is about more than salvation? The Scriptures say that the calling of God is irrevocable, but it also says that God will not contend with the spirit of man forever. He calls things that are not as though they were. He takes the uneducated, unseemly and the foolish things of this world and uses them to confound the wise. In a backwards and upside down kingdom where the knowledge of good and evil kills but the Spirit of God in His unseen glory gives life - what do I have to lose? Even if it doesn't make sense...

Peter stepped out of the boat onto the crashing waves and walked on water with Jesus. That didn't make sense.

Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery rather than stoning her as the law permitted. That didn't make sense.

God sacrificed His own Son so we could be His sons and daughters, that didn't make sense.

God called the zealous pharisee Saul to be an apostle to the gentiles. A Hebrew among Hebrews to minister the Gospel to the unbelieving pantheistic gentiles of Asia Minor. Did that really make since? To put the chief persecutor of Jewish Christians in charge of proselytizing the whole of Asia Minor. Not really, but it worked. Didn't it?

If you are a Christian in this western culture we live in you are the fruit of that zealous Pharisee's ministry all these years later.

An uneducated, self-promoting fisherman penned the Holy Spirit inspired words on the depths of God's love. This same man who early in his time with Christ asked if he and his brother could call down fire from heaven on a town that turned his master away. Does that makes sense to you?

That a shepherd, the youngest of his family, would become the first great King of Israel and his son behind him the most revered and well known King in history for the wisdom he received from the Lord.

What are you saying is impossible for you to do today?

What stands between you and your destiny?

It is time.

Walk out by faith, believing the Lord will do all He has promised. It doesn't depend on you. He has already supplied everything you need to be successful. Will you believe?

Mark 9:23 (NKJV)
Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."

Mark 10:27 (NKJV)
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible."

All things are possible for those who believe. What is possible for you?

As for me... What do I have to lose?

Philippians 3:13-15 (NKJV)
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, Ipress toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Auto-Focus

In the spring I purchased a new Nikon D3000 digital camera. What I quickly realized: Not your standard point and click type of camera.

I petitioned my eldest to educate me regarding my camera. She smiles lovingly and says, "You have an owner's manual. Read it."

Yesterday, I broke out said manual and began reading. I soon realized how out of my depth I am with this camera. I learned enough to be basic with my fancy, shmancy camera. My favorite revelation-"Auto-Focus."

Are you laughing yet? I am. Laughing-Out-Loud. Actually.

Most of your run of the mill, less expensive, point-and-shoot digital cameras auto-focus on a regular basis. My fancy, 18-55mm digital warrior has a button that allows you to manual or auto-focus based on preference. Part of the reason my photographic exploration with this camera have failed largely rests with that little button-tuned to "M" for manual.

Yesterday I slid the button over to "A" for auto and va-walla! Beautifully focused pictures began to abound like magic. It's okay if you find yourself laughing out loud still. I am.

In all seriousness, my discovery about Auto-Focus is a lot like stumbling through life reading your Bible here and there, praying for direction in crisis and with the big decisions, or even trying to find a parking space, but forgetting to tune in daily and intimately with God as He commends us to do in His Word.

^"4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.^{[a] 5} Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." ~ Deuteronomy 6:4-8 NIV

I do read God's Word and focus on God when He quickens my heart to His side. But, what could my life look like if I switch my setting to Auto-Focus. What if it depended less on the conditions of my life and circumstances and more on the leanings of my heart?

Begs a question: Is my heart inclined toward God?

Can I answer this question by changing the subject? (Note to self: It's your blog...)

My daughter and I had a conversation after we attended her home church today. To preface this properly, I need to acknowledge that my kiddoes spent the better part of their growing up years in a small, rural Baptist community of 180 people or so. They naturally incline toward a smaller, closer knit group of people in a neighborhood church as opposed to the mega-church of Gateway where Scott and I have found our home.

I admittedly felt the sweet affection of my heart for a smaller church life as we sat watching three of the youth from our previous church home leading worship from the platform. I leaned over to Scott and smiled, "That is the fruit of your labor up their on that stage."

He smiled back, looked at the young men playing guitar and drums. "Do you think?"

Scott worked with the youth at Chisholm. He only taught the group from the podium one time, but he gave them more life through relationship than anyone I've ever seen do in ministry. He just went every week and related to them, laughed with them and treated them like they mattered. He loved them quietly with a handshake and a smile.

I had a conversation with one of the moms we got to know during that season of our lives and marveled at our kids as we caught up in the few minutes after the worship service we had to speak.

When we arrived home I folded myself up in his arms and said, "Sometimes I miss small church..."

Later Brittany said, "I know... It is so easy for me to get lost in a crowd. I like the fact that when I miss church someone at church misses me."

This is why she never acclimated to Gateway. Scott and I spent a couple of years wandering around the halls at Gateway trying to find our place. I jumped in and began volunteering and helping out. I joined a women's group and found some semblance of life on the smaller scale at Gateway while Scott continued to attend on the weekends only. Still at some levels we lost that close connection we both used to feel at Chisholm.

Today, we've rediscovered that connection by engaging Gateway Groups and assimilating ourselves into the lifestyle that comes with a church averaging a weekly attendance of 20,000 or more people at three different campuses. We stay connected intentionally - by choice. It took us a while to get our bearings, but now we are moving forward and finding our way in this new, larger church family without feeling lost or on our own.

Which brings me to the Question. "Is my heart inclined toward God?"

Yes, and I say this because He is the utter focus of my daily life. He is ever chipping away at this shell of mine hewing it into His image more and more from the inside out. He is not an after thought or an hour on my calendar - He is my ever-present, constant companion from the time I rise until the time I go to bed. Some might call it over-saved, but I don't have many thoughts or moments in my day when He is not speaking to me, relating to me and showing me things about Himself - through television, conversation, revelation, and relationship. He is always with me. AUTO-FOCUS.

And, just like with the camera - if you just keep orienting yourself in His direction- and intentionally looking at Him- you just might find you've captured the perfect shot without even realizing it.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

“If you’d just center your thoughts and affections upon the Lord, you’d be better off accidentally than you’ve ever been on purpose!”~ Andrew Wommack

Wildfires

Last night as we celebrated Scott and Taylor's birthday at Babe's in Granbury, a group of firefighters from the Fire Management Team from the Uinta Wasatch Cache Natonal Forest Service sat at the table across from us. More about these firefighters.

I am grateful tonight for firefighters including those who died and worked through 9/11 in NYC, D.C. and Pennsylvania. I'm also grateful for the volunteers who fished my father's pickup out of Lake Granbury even before 2001 and those first responders working at the intersection of Beach and Fossil Creek Blvd. on August 15, 2005 at around Noon when my son's body lay 50 feet south of the intersection in need of medical care. Because of brave men and women who go out to accidents, fires and other moments of tragedy and danger my family has been blessed, our nation has been blessed. They selflessly rescue and skillfully attempt to save homes and businesses some to their own peril.

This weekend I asked my nephew, Ben, who is four what he wanted to be when he grew up. He said, "A firefighter."

I asked, "And what do they do?"

At first he said, "Slide down a pole."

But, later, he said they fight fires, rescue people and climb ladders.

After we returned to my parents stuffed with Babe's chicken, I overheard this conversation between Ben and my 3 year old nephew, Wyatt:

Wyatt: Let's go into the dark place.

Ben follows Wyatt into the darkened downstairs entry/storage area off the living room. Both boys hastily run back out. They then walk slowly back in and come running back out.

Ben: (screams) There were skeletons!

Me: Was it scary?

Ben: Yes, but we must face our fears.

Go, Ben!

Decisions...Decisions

The remainder of my reflections about Colorado appear to be much greater than I anticipated so I will delay the post to later this week.

In other news, on Friday evening I dusted off my painter's box/easel and organized my paints, brushes and thoughts around my canvases and papers. I do this routinely when I have some extended time to devote to the projects in my head. This weekend I painted three landscape scenes (4x6) for my mom and touched on a lettering project I started for Scott early in 2010. It kind of found its way behind a chair and largely remained forgotten until I pulled it out of the corner and blew the cobwebs away from the message. I began work on a new project I had intended to paint in the spring. The first stages of my "Pink Impact" inspired painting now sit on my easel waiting for more life to be stroked into each element of the story it tells. :)

As I worked through the three mountain scenes I painted for my mom - I began to talk to Scott about the conversation I seemed to find myself in with God most days. "WHAT IS IT THAT WE ARE UP TO HERE, LORD?" Preparation for the future is certain. I know we navigate a season of preparation for the next stage of our lives. The second finds me saying - what calling surfaces in my heart as a result. The Ranch Retreat. The way the painting and writing work in my heart to both heal and inspire me would mean so much to the hurting people of this world looking for hope, healing and a safe place to discover or rediscover all God has for them.

The retreat remains my longterm dream, and on occasion Scott speaks of the future and the ranch we've shared ideas about on and off over the last two and a half years. More so since we've returned from the Colorado mountains. But, the creative expression in painting really came to my mind on Friday. I become someone else when I paint, much the way I do when I write. I feel more like who I always knew I could be when I am expressing what is in my heart in these ways. I love the way my heart connects and the way God always delights me with a better result than I anticipated when the picture so closely resembles the vivid lines painted upon my heart and soul.

I taught children to paint - I laugh at the thought, I have a high school diploma and only spent a year in high school art with average grades.  I did reach into the hearts of children and pull out that creative thing that God placed in each of us as a part of His image during my last year at the after school program in Rhome. I also laugh because until I purchased the canvases and paints that year in March - I had no idea if I could really paint myself. All my previous experience had been elementary work with paints and nothing to put on display in an art gallery anyway.

Still, I've always had an eye for the way colors work together and the movement of lines in nature - even on people. I spent a lot of time when I was little drawing little caricatures I lovingly called, "Pigwinkles." I created my own greeting cards and storys about these little children in my head as I drew them with felt tip markers on sketch paper. I study people, nature, the way the light dances across the sky and into the trees. I am fascinated by the colors on God's pallete as I look at a sunset in the evening sky. The puffy way clouds dot the sky or fish chase across the water. I find it all intriguing, captivating, and emotionally satisfying. It ministers to me.

 So three things came up... Painting is a gift that God has given me to display His Image upon the earth. I paint what He shows me - and what I see of Him in life and nature. Selling my paintings has been novel and unintentional, but may be a way that I can fund the Ranch dream we have been looking forward to in the future. More time to paint and more time to open myself up to write and develop the ministry things that are inside of my heart taht God has been birthing for many years now... Since before we came to Gateway and Justin passed away.

Life happens inside of me when I paint and write and I would like more time to devote to that so I'm praying for opportunity, for timing and direction as I discover what He is showing me. Trusting God and really desiring not to go backwards in our journey - I will wait for Him to move and follow that movement wherever He leads.  

The last thing that came up on Friday went a little something like this... "Scott, when I get to heaven I think I do have a question for God that I want to ask..." I really am asking Him that question now, as I write this post. The question: "When You created the heavens and the earth and all that is within it, how did You know You were finished?"

Maybe it is just me, but as I sit and gaze upon a painting that has reached the "stopping" point of final stage, I still see ways that I can add to - enhance or further complete the picture. I am in awe of God and praying that He will show us more of the life He has planned for us as we seek Him in the days ahead. Decisions... Decisions. The post begins and ends with decisions... Not any of them have finally been made. Oh but I love what happens in the waiting.

Captivating

Our recent trip to Colorado has left me captivated. Each morning we awoke to clouds covering the Vail Mountains that surrounded the resort area of Avon and Beaver Creek Village.

The sight of low clouds buffetting the mountains as far as the eye could see filled me with awe.

My heart awakened in Colorado to something I've barely known before. My heart found the beauty of creation in Colorado. I snapped this first picture from the third floor balcony of our room at Lakeside Terrace. The clouds dancing along the dips and rises of the mountains that encompassed us there seemed like a gift. A beautiful, cottony gift - like God said, "I'm going to show off for you today." Everyday. And He did not disappoint.

A few hours later, the clear blue skies broke through the clouds and we found the sweet glory of sunshine landing upon us all around. The men went fishing and the women went... For a walk. Yes, we did. The cooler temperatures of Colorado were refreshing so we walked about the boat house and sidewalks surrounding the lake taking in the beautiful, picturesque landscape that we could not escape. Mountains on us from every side, and bright, beautiful skies with air so clean - the atmosphere literally felt different.

On the second day we went up the mountain to Beaver Creek Village. A sweet little villa that looks like a picture page from a book about the Swiss Alps. The village was full of sporting good shops, artists galleries, and beautiful opportunities to discover the love of God upon the earth - as expressed through the many facets of his creation, including people.



From our patio at Lakeview Terrace you could see the smallest building tucked up in the trees nestled between the mountaintops. As we drove up I captured this picture from the road that snakes around the golf course and homes built up into the mountainside on the way to Beaver Creek village.

As we walked along it was pleasant to discover shades of home along the way. :)

The villa's shops and residential buildings sported both state and national flags from around the world up and down the concourse. Much to observe and see - we would make many trips up the mountain to Beaver Creek Village the five days we stayed in Colorado. While Mom, Laura and Sherry broused the shops, I snapped photos of some of the local art and natural beauty built into the villa.



I showed my dad this picture of mother having what appears to be a deep conversation with George Washington outside of a bronze sculpture gallery. I quipped, "And you thought you were the political one..." I love this picture of my mom.

We each had a picture taken with a few of the bronze sculptures - well, save the men. My Scott only posed upon my insistance that he befriend a bronze dog outside a different gallery.

So now you will see the real reason we ventured to Beaver Creek Village on nearly a daily basis. :) Rimini! Rimini is a gelato and coffee shop that serves meals on the side. Each day they make fresh gelato and display it like art in a beautiful refrigerator case. I told the gentleman behind the counter that I wanted to write about the gelato shop on my blog so he allowed me to take pictures.  Hopefully he will read about it someday and see that I was true to my word.



Since he let me snap his picture, this is by far the best customer service we received - well except for the waiter from Za Zappo's where we ate the night we arrived. He accidentally spilt tea all over my dad and Laura and we still found the service grand - but that is another story all together.

He scooped up two flavors of delicious sorbet and gelato for us in large cups. And we sat out in the sun and ate our frozen delights from teeny, tiny spoons. :)



There was one flavor that I would not try, but the name, "Elvis" captured all of our attention. Peanut Butter, Bananas and Bacon. Yes, Bacon. This day I got strawberry sorbet and Birthday Cake gelato. Yummo! He said, one Strawberry Cake coming right up. The gelato had little sprinkles in it - me, very happy. I felt like a little kid on my birthday all over again.

If you ever find yourself in Avon, Colorado the trip up to Beaver Creek Village is worth it if only to stop in at Rimini - but be sure to get up there before sundown - the shop provides delicious treats but only during daylight hours. :)

After enjoying our frozen treats, we walked about and discovered more of the village. While Sherry explored a sign that said, "Paint Your Own Pottery," and Mom and Laura went into a few other shops along the path I snapped photos of the creek and flowers all around the village.

The pictures really tell the rest of it so much better than I do... So here you go!

 

One word: Captivating! I will be back tomorrow to share the beautiful artwork we saw on our journey! See you soon.