Written on My Heart: Psalm 34

Last week I posted about how I am a letter written by the Holy Spirit for every man to read. (2 Corinthians 3:1-4)

After reading that I am indeed a letter I realized I truly want to have God's love letter written on my heart by the Holy Spirit. My present circumstance has me believing that in order to do this I need to rehearse an entire chapter of Scripture until it becomes a part of who I am. Memorizing: the term used for this type of work, still I'm not going to routinely recite and rehearse it until I can recount it by heart alone. I want to discover the truth of it as I go and allow God to enlarge my capacity to know Him and His great love through the pages of Scripture I commit to my heart.

You can: 1.) Pray for my endeavor. 2.) Join me in my journey. 3.) Share what you are learning along the way.

THE PLAN: I will be posting the entire chapter I am seeking to discover. Then over the course of the days following the initial posting - as long as I am working through it - I will be posting insights with the tag - "Written on My Heart."

THE PRAYER: Holy Spirit come and write the words of Scripture I've committed to my heart upon my heart as a love letter for others to read. Help me discover new truths, new realities, and new life in the verses below. I pray you would reveal yourself, Father God and Jesus to me in the time I spend in Psalm 34. I ask also that you would show me who I am in relationship to these truths. In Jesus Name, I ask you to do all of thse things according to your will. AMEN.

WON'T. YOU. JOIN. IN? You. are. a. letter. TOO


Psalm 34

A Psalm of David when he pretended madness before

Abimelech,who drove him away, and he departed.

1 I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

2 My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

3 Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.

5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.

6 This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,
And delivers them.

8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

9 Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.

10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.

11 Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

12 Who is the man who desires life,
And loves many days, that he may see good?

13 Keep your tongue from evil,
And your lips from speaking deceit.

14 Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.

16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.

18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

20 He guards all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.

21 Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.

22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned

Psalms 34:1-22 (NKJV)

Challenges of Community

Would you Rendezvous at Colleen's Place with me!
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I don’t know if this will resonate with anyone else, or if it is just something I need to express. I hope it will resonate at some level.

In 1997 I was a divorced mother of three, jobless, living with my parents. I was also discovering the internet for the first time along my love of written word anew.

I set out to start a “writing career” by pecking out word after word on an internet Writers BBS where I could post my rough copy for others to critique. I opened the first comment to one of my writing pieces and felt shell-shocked. The words were scathing, critical and harsh. They hurt.

I was not only offended, but also crying. I had put my soul out there and someone – some anonymous someone – had hacked it to pieces. I jumped on and, in comment, justified, explained and rationalized my lack of expertise. The response I got set me in my place. “Toughen up. Learn from the experience or stop posting.” OUCH.

I stuck with this process. I hacked out words daily and well into the nights. I wrote poetry, prose and settled into a genre of “Flash Fiction.”

For those who do not know, Flash Fiction is a snapshot of a story told in 500 words or less. I posted the rough copy, read critiques and completed a number of rewrites.

In the meantime I bought books on writing. One particular book, a compilation of essays on writing by secular published authors, found me not just reading, but relishing every word. I wanted to know what successful writers did. Mind you, at that time in my life I was not asking God anything much less about my writing. I was barely aware He was with me everyday. Frankly, I lived as one only escaping flames.

Stephen King wrote in his essay that he fell into writing in lieu of punishment for misbehavior at school. His school principal assigned writing high school sports columns as his punishment for misbehavior. His punishment eventually became a regular column in the local newspaper and he paying1/2 cent per word.

A few months after posting a 486 word piece on the BBS I received an email from the owner offering to publish this short, short story titled, “Dear John.” He offered to pay me $5.00 for permission to “e-publish” my story in an internet magazine. Today, e-zines are commonplace. Back then – they were not.

Fish Eggs for the Soul.

My flash piece shared as Caviar for the soul? I sent my agreement and a few days later cashed a check for $5.00. I had arrived. I was now a paid-for-publication writer. I had even earned more per word for my first paid gig than Stephen King.

Can you see the smug grin on my face?

My writing career has grossed $5.00 to date. I still write, but I don’t know if my end goal is publication, wealth and fame any longer. Those things would be nice, but not nearly as beneficial as the life that might be changed by reading how God has worked in my life. You see what I know now is how He has taken the weakest moments of my depraved existence and turned them for my good and His glory.

I am grateful for those months in 1997 when I posted my heart out writing about the nonsense ideals of a hopeless romantic longing to be loved. It toughened my skin to the criticism helping me see the risk and reward often are measured by the end result rather than the paycheck or payoff that may or may not be fleeting.

I’m not afraid to put my opinion out there for the world to read. I’m no longer offended when others don’t see eye-to-eye with my perspective. I’m even less bothered whether they point out the weaker qualities of my skill at spelling or writing. Here is the thing that matters – Christ glorified. I want to show His love and excellence and work hard to do so. But, sometimes the best display of these is in my weakness.

When I read about the “right to be right” here this morning I recalled the challenges of community I’ve experienced in my life. Sometimes the freedom to speak or write publicly also comes with the freedom of others to object, disagree and even criticize our perspective and experiences. My clever thought might just hit a nerve that triggers a negative response in others. I post it innocently, and then the backlash begins.

I have participated both in blog communities, Christian forums, writer’s forums and message boards as well as a live and in-person writer’s critique group with a published author. I’ve learned that if my goal in writing is to express my opinion and find others who agree – I’ll likely find myself disappointed. However, if my goal is to share what I’m learning in my journey with God. Sometimes it resonates and becomes like iron that sharpens iron. While at other times the words seem as sweet honey to a friend’s soul. In the end, the result is the same: It helps us both grow.

I’m grateful for opportunities to share and even find people who disagree with me. It forces me to open my mind and my heart to the things I really believe, the things I stand for and well, whether I need to adjust my vision.

When doing a study on the fruit of the Spirit some years ago I realized God often brings people into our lives that rub us the wrong way to help hewn the attributes of kindness in our lives. Like sandpaper, these experiences can either take off the rough edges and produce a more refined person, or it can create a wound that will no doubt take time to heal and may produce wounds in others. I have to choose how I will receive it.

Cultivating Honor

A few weeks ago I sat around a table with some of the most anointed and gifted people I've ever known in my life.  In the last nine months these people have not only become my co-workers, but also many are my friends, my encouragers, my overseers and those who challenge me to be the person God created me to be every single day.

We were discussing the book from Bethel Church's Danny Silk called Culture of Honor. This book pressed me in hard on many sides. I first thought, "If only I'd known this when my kids were little, what a difference this would have made."

But, in truth, it pushed me back to 1 Corinthians 12 over and over again.

23 those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, 24 but our presentable parts have no need. But God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it, 25 that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. 26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually. ~ 1

Corinthians 12:23-27 (NKJV)

As I have weighed these verses over and over again against the analogy and challenge of the book our department was encouraged to read I found myself asking myself:  How did God demonstrate this honor?

I came up with some answers:

1.) The example of the woman at the well.  He did not scold or condemn her - he didn't even treat her like she'd done anything wrong. He gently and honestly reflected truth to her in such a way that she walked away encouraged, excited and determined to live in the change that had been revealed to her because she encountered Christ and He told her that she could be different. He revealed to her a truth she had never known which allowed her take responsibility for her choices and welcome His admonition to "Go, and sin no more."

2.) He sacrificed His own comfort and His own position so that others could be redeemed, restored, delivered, healed and set free. He gave Himself up to death so that sinners could be redeemed from a fallen, damned existence and become the beloved children of the Most High God, and Co-Heirs - sharers in and partakers of God's Kingdom as His own.

3.) He wept with them and sympathized with them. He gave them a choice and did not force them to do it His way. He did not tolerate injustice or self-righteous elitism, but instead he demonstrated unconditional love and grace by providing for needs, teaching patiently, and entrusting those who came to Him to make the decisions necessary to align them with His Father's will.

Do I give greater honor to those things which are less honorable?

I think for me that this issue has been blurred by how I was raised to understand respect, honor, humility and how it is distributed. I was raised by a father who demanded respect for his position and rightfully so as Colossians commends us to submit to the authorities in our life as all authority is God-ordained.

I grew up believing respect initiated from a position of enforced humility. Positionally someone received my respect (my fear) because they had the power to influence, control and empower me. I feared what I respected and felt that was honoring my authority when indeed most of my life was active rebellion. Gossip filled moments of destructive and powerless behavior. I felt powerless and stripped others of their power without thinking of what the cost would ultimately be.

I didn't know what honor, truth, love and grace were really all about. God was just some big, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent being who was distant, removed and unconcerned with me -- Expect, when I screwed up. Then I saw Him saying "GOTCHA!"  That's how I related to others.  I lived hiding out and scared to show who I really was and I never knew how to keep it from consuming me.

Respect is something that I give from an attitude of honor in my heart towards everyone because they are God's creation.  He deemed them worthy by sacrificing His Son on the cross for them. He honored them to His death and empowered us to honor them -- even when they are less honorable -- because I have been less honorable and He did not disqualify me.

God honors my free will, who am I to discount another's will in favor of what I think they should do.

Do I try to balance the scales by giving out of the overflow of my relationship with God to those who are lacking in some way?

Do I really respond to people based on the way God has created them and redeemed them?

Is my concern for them to realize their God-given identity and be empowered to walk in the freedom He redeemed them to live in

A Letter...A Movie...A Night to Remember

I found myself sitting in a room filled with anticipation. Four hundred hungry souls sat before me ready to feast on the faithfulness of the Lord. The scene sparked with electricity as the power of the Holy Spirit began to course through the room during worship. Life invaded our space and glory made way... Kairos begins.

Tonight's menu boasted a different flavor, different chef's-those who once played a supportive role were stepping up to center stage. That's when it happened.  During the second session the man at the front of the room began to read about our unveiled faces from 2 Corinthians 3 just before acknowledging that the supportive Scriptures and information he was about to share would not be found in the pages of the book they held on their laps.

I smiled and scrawled out the reference he'd just given. 2 Corinthians. I flipped the pages of my two year old Spirit Filled Life Bible, NKJV-a few of them are loose from their binding. It remains a treasured staple in my devotional line up. I landed in that last half at 2 Corinthians but parked a few houses up at the first lot on the block.  That is when it happened - first one and the another... It was as if I had been standing in a dark room trying to discern the actions in a play before me but there was no light before that moment.

1 Do we begin again to commend ourselves? Or do we need, as some others,

epistles of commendation to you or letters of commendation from you?

2 You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men;

3 clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with

ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets

of flesh, that is, of the heart.

4 And we have such trust through Christ toward God. 5 Not that we are

sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but

our sufficiency is from God, 6 who also made us sufficient as ministers of

the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but

the Spirit gives life.

7 But if the ministry of death, written and engraved on stones, was glorious,

so that the children of Israel could not look steadilyat the face of Moses because

of the glory of his countenance, which glory was passing away, 8 how will the

ministry of the Spirit not be more glorious? 9 For if the ministry of condemnation

had glory, the ministry of righteousness exceeds much more in glory.

10 For even what was made glorious had no glory in this respect, because of the

glory that excels. 11 For if what is passing away wasis much more glorious.

12 Therefore, since we have such hope, we use great boldness of speech-- 13 unlike

Moses, who put a veil over his face so that the children of Israel could not look

steadily at the end of what was passing away. 14 But their minds were blinded.

For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament,

because the veil is taken away in Christ. 15 But even to this day, when Moses is read,

a veil lies on their heart. 16 Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

2 Corinthians 3:1-18 (NKJV)

As I read the beautiful words of this passage of Scripture, my heart felt full and alive with a fresh word and anointing. I drove straight away to my friend's house afterward. I read the Scripture aloud to her from her NIV Study Bible.

I paused a moment at verse 12: "Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold"...

WE ARE VERY BOLD. I am a letter written in bold letters to the lost and the dying in this world. O Glory. I just realized and knew that the cliche oft quoted in pulpits across America is found right here in 2 Corinthians 3 - "You may be the only Bible that someone every reads."

I'm a letter - not the letter that kills, but I am a letter written by the Spirit on the tablets of my heart. I'm a love letter. :)

Which brings me to the revelation - I want to begin memorizing chapters of the Bible and journaling my way through it. I don't want to do it to check some project off my list, or just 'cuz that is what good Christian folk, do... I want to do it because I want to have the rest of that letter written on my heart. I want to be a living, breathing Rhema word from God to anyone who would listen.

Which brings me to the movie - The Book of Eli was in theaters around Valentine's Day. I had read a post about this movie at Angie Wyatt's blog when it was released in theaters. I wanted to see it. Last Friday, I lay  our leather couch an watched as this story unfolded in a post nuclear war America. One man was trekking his way across America finding shelter in bombed out, abandoned homes. Fighting off high-jackers with a couple of guns and a machete and doing everything he could to protect and deliver what he believed to be the last existing Bible in the entire world.

By the end of the movie you are cheering. And, as I consider the content the recognition that the subject and the violence were difficult to take at first - language could be foul and there was a scene where a young woman offered herself to a man sexually. But... In a post apocalypse world where the Word of God is all but forgotten what could one expect? Foul mouthed, murderous, angry men and women controlled by these men.

I'll leave the rest of the movie for you to see, but honestly. It made me think - I want to know the Bible like this man did. I want to know it... not just in my head or my hands, but I want to know it in my heart... I want every word written there like a finely penned manuscript awaiting the printing press.

I want to make Him famous. I want to be His letter to the world. Freedom Ministry is so much fun. I love It.

We do love us a good commercial....

On Forgiveness

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the Lifetime Movie Network Premier of Amish Grace airing March 28th. You can read about it here. The occasion caused me to do some research about the subject of the Nickel Mines school shootings on October 2, 2006.

When I come to the place where I consider that time in my own life I realize my family and I months past the first anniversary of Justin's death. During that deeply emotional season I recognize now that the trauma and pain of others usually sent me running from news reports and stories of tragedy.

Hurricane Katrina blew in the week after Justin's death and I left the television off for days unable to cope with the misery of others while trying to process my own shock and giref. I imagine the Nickel Mines shootings touched me in much the same way.  It shocked and horrified me to think a place of such simplicity and community could be touched by such horror and tragedy.  I imagined the hearts of those families shattered into pieces and ached for their losses. I remember vaguely reminding myself when I heard of their extending forgiveness that their lives are so different than my own. They live in a different world, by a different set of rules and have a different sense of community. But, the question that still lingers in my mind is this: "Are They Really That Different?"
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So, before I go on I want to administer a few disclaimers:

1.) While I believe the Lifetime Movie Network's depiction of this tragedy brings to light the reality of human response to tragedy I would like to advise all who read this and the advertisement page on this blog that the depiction is based on a book called "Amish Grace" which is a researched look at the aftermath and response of the Nickel Mines school shoorting, but in the movie characters have been fictionalized and the story portrayed is fiction. Ida Graber and family are not among the victims of the Nickel Mines shooting and the Amy Roberts is not the name of the woman who was widowed when the gunman committed suicide.  In fairness to those who have objected to the creation of this film - I woud like to say that neither the book's writers nor the Amish community endorse the film.

2.) The point of this post is forgiveness - not whether of not the ficitionalizing of such a tragic event in near history is appropriate or not. It is simply to open the dialogue about forgiveness and the truth behind it.
3.) This is not just about the Nickel Mines Schoolhouse shootings, but about how our society responded to such an overwhelming sentiment of forgiveness and release.  That the virtue of a forgiving heart was dismissed as simpleton and unrealistic.

I pray your responses will bear in mind these points of clarification. My desire is to draw out discussion not create controversy.
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Imagine a world where forgiveness happened immediately and reconciliation, restoration and restitution were encouraged as a way of life. What would our world look like if our hearts were bent on forgiving even as the trauma and wound was being inflicted.

Read more about my response to the movie Amish Grace and the subject of forgiveness here.

Stages of Grief

The Stages of Grief based on my study and experience can come in any progression of the following. You may find you experience these in no particular order and may repeat one or more of them throughout your season of grief. These stages are provided as a tool, a guide, and not a pattern of any sort*:

Stability – The period before the bad news is received. What we deem to be normal, the time immediately preceding the loss.

Shock – Immobilized by the loss you have suffered you feel paralyzed to respond to it.

Denial – The temptation to avoid the inevitable realization that you have indeed suffered a loss.

Anger – Frustrated, this stage brings an outpouring of bottled up emotions.

Bargaining – Seeking in vain for a way out of the loss, trying to work for or negotiate a safe place.

Depression – When you have exhausted yourself by denying, bargaining and venting your grief, then comes the lull of depression. It seems to come at the moment when you have absolutely nothing to invest in your season of grief.

Finding Meaning – You begin to seek realistic solutions to your grief in this stage. This is where you begin to realize you may never “get over” your loss, but you may indeed find a place of healing and hope as you find your season of grief ending.

Acceptance/Hope – When you come to the end of your grief season, you will find that there is finally peace with which you may indeed feel free to move forward in life. Never forgetting, but also no longer discouraged by the loss you have suffered. Hope and Acceptance usually bring meaning to suffering as well as healing. Though there seems to be a new "normal" in the early stages of grief. It is when Acceptance and Hope begin to work in your life that the "new normal" is actually realized.

I've read and learned much about the stages of grief in my journey after Justin died. I harnessed these nine stages from a grief site called Healing Hearts and "Redeeming the Tears" which is a group Bible study by Serendipity House Publishers. I took the title of the stage and summarized it's impact in my own words. Widely there are only about 4 to 6 stages of grief recognized by both the Christian and the secular worldviews; however, the following list of stages indicates what rings true to my own experiences and grief - even stages I continue to work through to this day.

The thing about grief that I have found to be most true would be that it pushes us to do something when we don't feel like doing anything. Direction and understanding seem to be the keys to navigating grief with any modicum of sanity, and even then it feels like we're steering a sinking ship. I can only imagine the weight carried by the crew and captain of the Titanic as they sat helplessly unable to steer their passengers to safety while the enormous ship and its passengers slowly sank into the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean. It is, indeed, how I feel at times. These are the times when I must find the balance between despair and hope, the sense of being both lost and found all at the same time.

In the last two years, as I have begun to make my grief journey with other grieving parents I have found three things to be true:

1.) We all may have similar experiences and hearts that miss our deceased loved ones. Yet, each of us must find our own way through grief and each of us will progress through the stages of grief differently. Sharing a grief journey should never involve comparison, but instead it should be directed as a means of learning together how to manage the very difficult sea of emotions and longings that come with grief.

2.) The stages of grief are more of an outline of experiences rather than a carved in stone pattern for grief. These stages outline the common experiences of people who are suffering and working through grief. Some may experience them all in order, and some may experience only a few of the stages and then find themselves at a place of healing. Wherever you find yourself, grief must be dealt with. The consequences of avoiding grief for a long period of time tends to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually devastating.

In addition, grief is intended to be a season that with time progresses us to a place of healing. That is why the work of grief is so important. Allowing ourselves to remain in a particularly comfortable stage of grief (such as denial or bargaining) tends to lock us into a perpetual state of grief that is hard to undo. It creates a heart filled with hopelessness and despair. And, it is said that there are those who grieve themselves to death. You know animals who have lost a companion whether human or other animal will often by instinct grieve that loss - often times to death. Human beings have the unique capacity to choose their path in grief, and we by virtue of intelligence have the ability to seek life rather than death. It is a choice each person must individually make.

3.) Healing is possible. With God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26; Mark 9:23; Mark 10:27). I have heard parents talk about enduring grief as if there is no end to it. And, in some respects that are things about my son's death that will never end for me. I will never stop missing him or the things we did not get to do together. Those things will come up from time to time as my life wains on. However, as time has passed and I have sought God in my grief - something marvelous has happened... I have found a place to live again. Not as one wearing the grave clothes of death, but as one redeemed from death to life by the God who loves us so. For us grief begins with death.

For God grief began when we became lost to Him. Our sin brought about grief for God. (Genesis 6). God was so grieved that the end result was the physical death and suffering of His Son. My faith in God must outweigh the loss I suffered for me to experience His comfort, His mercy and His grace otherwise my grief becomes an idol as I choose to nullify the healing power and promises of God for my life.

"Healing is a choice." As they often say and have written about at New Life Ministries. We may not choose the circumstances that lead us to grief, but we must indeed choose to make that journey.

Sorrow does linger for a time, but joy will eventually come. The experiences and knowledge that becomes confirmed in us about God through that grief experience makes it worth the trip no matter how much it hurts. As you consider each stage of grief and what you are currently experiencing in your personal journey.

You may find it helpful to find Scriptures that talk about your stage of grief. For instance, if you are suffering from "hopelessness" in the depression stage, then look up Scriptures that talk about hope. If you are angry, look up Scriptures about how to deal with anger. If you are asking why - read the book of Job, or a few of the Psalms that begin "O Lord how long with you forsake me?" or something of that nature. Cry out to God, pray through your path and watch God Work miracles in your heart, your soul and your life through death and loss.

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* Again, this is not medical or psychological advice and not intended to be a substitute for any necessary professional or pastoral care you may need in your grief. If you feel overwhelmed at any point in your grief you need to seek the advice and care of a professional doctor or counselor as well as your pastoral ministry at church.

A Strand of Three Cords...

My heart is so burdened as I weigh the Scripture for today's post. I want to go back and pull up the questions that I posted on Monday:

As you consider this verse of Scripture and how it reflects the season of grief you are in, please also consider the following questions:

1.) Do you feel entangled by your grief? If yes, please explain.

2.) Do you have nightmares surrounding your loss that haunt your sleep? If yes, please explain.

3.) Do you feel that grief has laid hold of you and you are consumed by thoughts of death?

4.) Does anything compare to the suffering you are experiencing in the aftermath of your child's death?

I asked do you feel entangled by your grief, and I want to say that at first I felt so alone and uncertain in my grief that I could barely think. I busied myself, frittered away my days.

I remember moments when driving where death so consumed me that I thought, "If I just hit that tree really fast and really hard I would die, too." Almost as quickly, I would see my beautiful daughters and my husband and know that this irrational thought would not be a solution - only create more problems and more pains for those I loved the most. But, that irrational thought came from a place deep inside of me that was hurting so badly I could not seem to find resolution even in my most ardent prayers. It was a desparate thought in desparate times. A place where I just needed to stop the hurting going on in my heart, my head and my life.

This Scripture helps me to know that God understands that I hurt this way, that sorrow often leads to thoughts of death. Not that it is okay to entertain those thoughts, but that we can take those thoughts as ugly and devestating as they are to our Lord God and entrust Him with the pain that brings us to them.

This is how sorrow and grief entangle us - becoming a snare rather than a journey. Being stuck in our grief is one of the worst places I have found myself. Unable to really function, unwilling to ask for help... Afraid that one more thing, one more loss, one more painful moment would send me teetering over the edge. But, God doesn't want us to go through grief alone. He wants us to find Him in our grief and find encouragement and support from others as we go along the way.

The enemy will tell us anything we are willing to believe: "It will never get better." "God doesn't care, He let your child die." "Even if God does care, how do you know He's there?" "You'd be better off dead, at least it wouldn't hurt so much." He will even tell you, "There is no God."

But we have to shake off the lies of the enemy and stop buying what he's been selling us. That's why even one Scripture can be such a benefit to the grieving because God can take that one Scripture and open your heart toward Him with it.

The lies of the enemy are like heavy ropes. The more he wraps you up in them, the harder it is for us to break free. Pretty soon, we cannot even see the light. We are so weary from carrying around the weight of our entanglements that we just want it to end. That is when a wave of grief will wash over us - and in our bound state we won't even be able to resist the way it washes deeper and deeper into the despair and agony of death. We are soon over our head in deep waters of grief, entangled with the lies and doubts planted in our hearts and we begin to sink. Call on Him. Cry out to Jesus, get involved in a group where the goal is seeking God in your grief, and remember that any entanglement that you are facing can be easily broken by the truth of God's Word.

Begin to replace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God's Word. When the enemy calls out "He doesn't care about your pain." Call that lie, what it is - A LIE. Rebuke it with the truth, "You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8 (NKJV). God records the things that cause us pain in a remebrance book and stores our tears in a bottle, your suffering is important to God and He has a plan for it.

When the enemy tells you the Lord has abandoned you in your suffering, remind yourself of these beautiful words from in Deuteronomy "6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

And if you are inclined to claim a New Testament promise, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Hebrews 13:5 (NIV).

I found that God repeated this promise in this wording 8 times as translated in the NIV.

If you are lacking hope, look up Scriptures with the word hope. If you lack joy, look up and focus on Scriptures that talk about joy. Find a way to knit God's Word into your heart. There is more to this life than what we live. Ecclesiastes tells us God has created an intuitive nature in us that seeks out eternity (Ecclesiastes 3). Our lives are made up of seasons where emotions and circumstances play their part in pointing us straight to God. We were created for eternity and all of this life is but a breath compared to life in eternity. Do no grow weary in doing good, for you will reap a harvest in God's appointed time. (Galatians 6).

We cannot give up on one another either. This is why we must find a support environment that will help us work through our grief. Hebrews 10:25-26 tells us that we are not to give up in meeting together, but instead to meet together to encourage one another and all the more as we see the day of Christ approaching. Stand with one another - it is Life Support. When we find a common thread with which to allow God to weave our lives together - we will find hope in the hearts of those around us. We will pray together, unearth truth together, cry together and yes, we will even laugh together as we journey toward meaning and healing in grief.

Salve for our wounded soul:

"Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NKJV)

When we stand with another person in our grief we are a two strand cord, but when we add God to our relationship, we become a cord of three strands that cannot easily be broken. If you are entangled and snared in the depths of your grief - cry out to Jesus and let Him take you by the hand. Then, grab the hand of a grieving friend and you will find your way out of the valley of the shadow of death!

Listen to the following song and think of the power that raised Jesus from the dead, that power is available to you right now. We need Him, we need him to come to our rescue and to hold us when we cry. We need you Jesus!

Healing is a Choice

Our pastor, Robert Morris, taught an extensive series on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5 recently at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. When he delivered his message on Matthew 5:4, he raised a question that begs asking in this context:

What if we all grieved over our sin and what it cost God the way we grieve over the death of those we love?

I think about that each time I consider God's sacrifice against my own son's death. Could I possibly view it in any other way? Placing my son's death against the backdrop of the cross leaves me with a heart that cries out to God, "There is no comparison, Lord. You paid the higher price."

I believe when my son died, God gave me a choice, just as He has done since He first created Adam and Eve in the garden. You may be asking yourself, What kind of choice is that?

It's the choice every one of us who suffer grief and loss must make, and I am so grateful that when August 23, 2005 came to my door - I had His perspective in my heart and not just my own. If I had been left only to my emotions, my responses and my devices... I might have just thrown myself against the machines, never asked for a test and be pining away in a hospital room watching my son's withering body - all dead except the life being pumped into it by medication and machine... and I might have yet to say goodbye to him.

I thank God every single day that I was able to see Justin's death in light of eternity and in light of His mercy and grace.

New Life Ministries has a book called, "Healing is a Choice." And, I believe that this applies broadly - we must be willing to submit what hurts to God and allow Him to minister to our pain and our suffering in His mercy and grace. We must choose the Healing and Grace of God - He gives it freely, but He is such a gentleman that He never forces His will or His way on anyone. Any person who comes to God comes to Him by their free will and their faith in who His Word declares Him to be and what His promises tell us He will do. He alone is the comforter, the healer and the lover of our souls.

In the depth of this kind of pain and despair we may find ourselves unable to even pray or read His Word. At times we may think the future is just as void and empty as our arms are without ouou loved one to hold. We may even think there is no longer a future to live for us. We are just destined to exist and survive without joy, without hope and without love because our hearts have been so broken in our loss.

God's Word tells us we are not just survivors, we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. There is life to be had and lived again, the death of those we love is not the end of life itself, just an opportunity to live it in a different light.

I believe that God's Word promises us something so different than just existence - Jesus said He came to bring us life, life to the full. I have seen that promise at work in my life and witnessed it in the grief of others.

Tony Dungy, head coach of the NFL's Indianapolis Colts who won the Super Bowl in recent years, lost his oldest child, James, to suicide in December, 2005. All the while Coach Dungy was leading one of the most celebrated teams in NFL history - he was suffering the worst agony one can imagine... He was missing his son.

Coach Dungy's loss came on the heels of my own loss. I remember barely being able to identify his loss because my own grief overwhelmed me. I could scarcely handle my own feelings much less process the tragedy in other people's lives - especially people I had no occasion to truly know.

At the 19th Annual Athletes in Action Super Bowl Breakfast on February 4, 2006, Tony Dungy delivered an emotional and inspiring speech to the crowd who gathered for breakfast that day leading up to the biggest football game of the year. He spoke of many things, but shared for the first time publicly what his son's death taught him.

Here are a few quotes from that speech:

Of his son, James, he said:

“He was a Christian and is today in heaven. He was struggling with the things of the world and took his own life. People ask how I could come back to work so soon. I’m not totally recovered, I don’t know if I ever will be, it’s still ever-painful...”

I can so relate to Coach Dungy's feelings and statement about his son's death, faith and desire to move forward with life. It still hurts the deepest places of my heart to think of Justin in a place where I can't hold him, talk to him, hear him laugh and see him live. But, at the same time it brings me great comfort and joy to know he is safely kept in the loving presence of our God for eternity and when my time comes to enter those pearly gates - my son will be among the cloud of witnesses who usher me in and welcome me home. A great reunion with our loved ones who have gone before and the ultimate reconciliation with our Heavenly Father who has been moving us toward that very day since time began.

Of His son's death Coach Dungy shared this:

“If God had talked to me before James’ death and said his death would have helped all these people, it would have saved them and healed their sins, but I would have to take your son, I would have said no, I can’t do that.

“But God had the same choice 2,000 years ago with his Son, Jesus Christ, and it paved the way for you and me to have eternal life. That’s the benefit I got, that’s the benefit James got, and that’s the benefit you can get if you accept Jesus into your heart today as your Savior.”

And Coach Dungy has so eloquently expressed the truth of our God in beautiful godly perspective. In our flesh, it is hard for us to fathom why children die before they have lived a full life, why murder, suicide and premature death are factors in our Christian life - why is the price so high? We just want our loved ones back, our hearts to mend and normal--or something like it-- to return to our lives.

Not one of us would do what God has done - willingly give up our child to save the lives of others. But, God loves us that much - can we not love Him in return in spite of our pain?

At a "life celebration" earlier this year for a 2 year old who drowned in her family's pool, the mother said, "To whom much is given, much is required." And, this to me is where the truth of God's comfort comes into our grief and our lives as the bereaved. We must view our losses in light of eternity, of Kingdom living and with the cross as the setting for our present sufferings.

To give us some perspective I have drawn on some verses of Scripture that I pray will not only give us hope, but give us a new desire - an opportunity to do more than just exist and survive the death of our loved one. I pray that this will give you the desire to live - truly live again in the comfort, peace and mercy of our God by extending that comfort, peace and mercy to others as He wipes the tears from your eyes.

Salve For Our Wounded Souls

Considering the following verses of Scripture:

"he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken." ~ Isaiah 25:8 (NIV)

"The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." ~
Isaiah 51:11 (NIV)

"and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." ~
Isaiah 35:10 (NIV)

"But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23 But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For he "has put everything under his feet." Now when it says that "everything" has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all." ~ 1 Corinthians 15:20-28 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them Iby the cross." ~ Colossians 2:13-15 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." 5 He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." ~ Rev 21:4-5 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

That term in Colossians 2:14 for "canceled" and in Revelation 21:4 for "wipe" is the Greek Word

exaleipho. Colossians 2:14 is translated more literally in The Complete Word Study New Testament (by AMG Publishers, Spiro Zodhaiates, ed.) as "blotted out" or "wipe away" in Revelation 21:4. That word in the Greek is a combination of two Greek words:

Ek - which means "out," and aleipho - which means "to anoint." The New Spirit Filled Life Bible (NKJV) (Hayford, ed., Thomas Nelson Publishers) explains the definition this way: "...to wipe out, wipe off, wash. Used metaphorically, the word signifies a removal or obliteration, whether of sins (Acts 3:19), or writing (Colossians 2:14), of a name (Revelation 3:5), or of tears (Revelations 21:4).

Let that settle down on you a minute. As God cleans away our tears and washes our faces removing the marks of grief in its season, He anoints us with His Spirit. If the Scripture is true which is found in Luke 12:48, then we must weigh the true purpose in our suffering or else it is all for nothing.

I submit this passage to you in context:

"The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43 It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44 I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45 But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers. 47 "That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." ~Luke 12:42-48 (NIV)

I found this commentary on the passage Luke 12:42-48 at Word of Truth Radio:

"The main idea here is that we are accountable for the knowledge, resources, abilities, etc. that God has blessed us with. If we have been given much, then He expects that much more from us. The good news is that all of these blessings come from the Lord and He realizes that humans are not perfect and that we can't do anything right without His help (John 15:5), but we can do all things through Jesus Christ as He strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). So let's ask the Lord to give us His wisdom and Spirit so that we can be faithful stewards over what He has entrusted to us. "And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming."(1 John 2:28)"

If the truth is that when God wipes away our tears in His comfort that we are to receive that as an anointing to minister to others who are hurting as we do - then how should we respond? What will be held accountable for?

I often say that with great suffering comes a great anointing. King Saul of Israel (1 Samuel) received a great anointing to be the first King of all of Israel. Yet, he abused that anointing, even ran from it at first. He did not do as the Lord had bid him, He did not honor God with the anointing and God removed it from him. What will you do with the anointing God is giving you through the suffering of grief?

Mary, the mother of Christ, suffered much the way you or I have in our losses. She knew He was God's Son, but did that change her suffering as she watched her son tried and crucified as a criminal. Did it suffer her any less to know He was God's Son when He died there before her eyes? Did she have any less questions than you or I about why death came that day and why it had to hurt so bad to fulfill the call of God on her life? Mary was not divine, nor god. She was a woman of flesh and blood, limited and emotional just like you or I. Her son may have come back to assure those who loved Him He would indeed return again, but she still lived out the rest of her days in teh agony of separation from her firstborn child.

How did Mary live out those days?

We find her in Acts 1:13-14:

" When they arrived, they went upstairs to the room where they were staying. Those present were Peter, John, James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James. 14They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers." (NIV)

There she was among the apostles and the women who had traveled with and ministered to the needs of her son, even with her own sons she was among them praying and worshipping God. She chose life.

Mary did not give up when her life did not take shape the way she had planned, when it resembled more of a curse than a blessing. She made the choice to live on in her son's legacy, the Legacy of Christ. Mary chose to believe in the God whom she served, even in the death and pain of loss that came with surrendering her firstborn trusting more in the purposes of God than her own ability to understand.

Come, On... Sweet Friends... Let's live on in Christ, trusting our God. Our children's legacy did not have to die with them - they are carried forward in the lives of those who loved them, who tell their story and declare the praise of God so merciful that He meets us in our mourning, speaks to our grief and loves us through the most painful circumstances we could ever experience. He is God, our comfort, our strength and our ever present help in times of trouble. Trust Him, live on in His glory!

This blog is moving ... Read All About IT.

This is the header from my Wordpress Digs... "The Because I Love You" blog ended up being the place where I would cut my teeth writing and meet all sorts of friends near and far away.

I've been in a season of change the days. A season that has led me to this moment when I write about merging and moving my blog(s) [All Three Of Them] from Blogger to Wordpress.

Bittersweet? Nah... I find the Wordpress tools more versatile and admit I still have much to learn. I'm excited to be transitioning. It is a bit like physically moving. Cleaning out my closet--so to speak-- IMAGINE. After all this time I'm moving forward.

So, in the future if you would like to find me, please log onto www.michellebentham.org. I will be removing my posts after I get everything up and running in my new digs!

Join me there and lets continue this journey together! The new blog has a new title - all the old titles can be found there, but the difference is... :) ... The new title represents this new season of my life: "Redeemed... Restored... Released | One Woman's Story of Living Free"

Love you all and thanks for following along... You know I do!

For those who are new to my writing--First, Welcome! Hang in there and keep checking back I am "cleaning out the closets of my blogs..." The best is yet to come!

Previous Post

This is the header from my Wordpress Digs... "The Because I Love You" blog ended up being the place where I would cut my teeth writing and meet all sorts of friends near and far away.

I've been in a season of change the days. A season that has led me to this moment when I write about merging and moving my blog(s) [All Three Of Them] from Blogger to Wordpress.

Bittersweet? Nah... I find the Wordpress tools more versatile and admit I still have much to learn. I'm excited to be transitioning. It is a bit like physically moving. Cleaning out my closet--so to speak-- IMAGINE. After all this time I'm moving forward.

So, in the future if you would like to find me, please log onto www.michellebentham.org. I will be removing my posts after I get everything up and running in my new digs!

Join me there and lets continue this journey together! The new blog has a new title - all the old titles can be found there, but the difference is... :) ... The new title represents this new season of my life: "Redeemed... Restored... Released | One Woman's Story of Living Free"

Love you all and thanks for following along... You know I do!

For those who are new to my writing--First, Welcome! Hang in there and keep checking back I am "cleaning out the closets of my blogs..." The best is yet to come!

Grieving From God's Perspective

Natalie Grant sings a song written by Krista Wells called “Held.” The song is about a family who loses a child just a few months old. Toward the end of the song, the writer delivers this exhortation: “Can we not wait for one hour, watching for our Savior? This is what it means to be held…”

I don’t know what that means to you, but it has driven me again and again to place my loss against the backdrop of the cross only to find my suffering pales in comparison to that of my Lord in response to my sin.

Scripture and Christ, Himself, assures us that this life will be filled with sufferings, trouble and pain of many kinds (see Jn. 16:33). I beg to differ with anyone who says that strong Christians do not suffer loss the way others do. Scripture does more to confirm grief’s necessity in our lives and the fact that grief and loss will ultimately benefit us. (Jer. 29:11, Ro. 8:18, 28, 2 Co. 1:7, Php. 3:10, 1 Pet. 2:19)

Grief can strengthen, equip and more importantly give us a more intimate and more personal relationship with the heart of God.

Grief over sin and man’s spiritual death led God to send His Son, willingly, to the cross. For God grief began over the loss of relationship with His creation and ended in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. (Gen. 6:6, Jn. 3:16) Through the cross, God delivered to mankind the overcoming power of resurrection. (Eph. 1:18-20).

If you have been asking yourself if you can still trust God, I live to tell you “YES! You can.” He has a plan and a purpose for your life and your pain. The question that now begs to be answered is will you allow God to redeem your Loss and Suffering as He redeemed His own – with the backdrop of the cross?

“18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,” ~ Ephesians 1:18-20 (NKJV)

His Strength is Perfect

If I tell you that grief is a season, like I've done the last few weeks, you would probably say - not mine... This feels like it will never end.

Grief is a different kind of journey - so different from any season - no matter what kind of loss you are grieving. When change comes to our lives - we grieve the things we had to give up for the change to come. When change occurs, and change in life is inevitable, we must be prepared to identify our feelings and what we lost. We must also allow ourselves to feel the pain and work through the difficulties of grief. We must be able to ultimately accept the reality of the loss and the change that came with it, and embrace the truth - that life will never be normal (the way it was before we experienced the loss) but it can be good, and normal can be redefined so that we not only survive our loss - but thrive when our season of grief finds its end.

We do not choose grief: it is our natural mental, emotional and physical response to loss. What we have to choose is what to do about our grief. If we ignore it, grief will take its toll. It will lead you to believe you are crazy, or calloused. You will find yourself ill and that you cannot accomplish even the simplest task. Life will not be lived - you will just exist in the aftermath of your loss. Like riding a macabre carousel - you will just cycle through the same devestating emotions until they take a toll on not only your mental, but also your physical health as well.

The Scirpture for today promises a full restoral after a season of mourning. I find it interesting when I read the ending chapters of the book of Job that while God restored a double portion of Job's possessions, wealth, and status in his community - He only gave Job ten children after his children died in the first chapter of the book. Ten children died, but God gave Job a double portion for his pain. All except his children. Are you asking what is up with that? I did, too.

Job, though, rejoiced. He knew what God knew and what we can know, too. The number of Job's children restored to him in this life were exactly the number who died and went to heaven because the first ten children were never lost. God did give Job a double portion for his children. He received ten to live out his days with him, and ten who were sent ahead to God's safe keeping. Those children were never lost to him in the first place. It took 42 chapters for the book of Job to work through Job's grief. I have no idea how much time that was, but I do know that grief takes time.

We will experience different stages or cycles of grief throughout our season, and we will experience some stages or cycles more than once. Grief will not look the same for any one person and we should never compare our grief to someone elses. We will get stuck in the perpetual irony of thinking because we did not grieve the same as someone else we know - that we cannot be fixed. That is simply not true. God wants to bring restoration to your life, but you have to endure your season of grief and let Him deliver the double portion of restoration to you when you have made the journey He has set before you.

Healing is a choice and you must decide that the love and promises of God are worth more than holding onto what hurts. Joy, dancing, and laughter will come, but only after the wailing, the mourning and the pain. Will you embrace the ashes of your loss so you can exchange it for a crown of beauty and an anointing of joy.

There is hope for us, not just in the shared grief of others, but in the Lord who gives and takes away. He is the God of all comfort who promises comfort to those who mourn. But, without mourning there is not comfort - if we do not grieve we will not experience the joy of the Lord. Blessings to you sweet friends. Steady on in your journey of grief.

Salve for a Wounded Soul

10 And do not grumble, as some of them did--
and were killed by the destroying angel.

11 These things happened to them as examples
and were written down as warnings for us,
on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.

12 So, if you think you are standing firm,
be careful that you don't fall!

13 No temptation has seized you except
what is common to man. And God is faithful;
he will not let you be tempted beyond what
you can bear. But when you are tempted,
he will also provide a way out
so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:10-13 (NIV)

As I read these verses of Scripture I was moved by something... These verses show us that the Israelites were given to us as an example and a warning of how not to live. You see the Israelites failed to recognize the blessing of God's deliverence from Egypt in the Exodus account. Instead, they grumbled, complained and blamed God and His servants for what they were experiencing. In our grief it is easy to grumble and complain -to miss out on the blessings of God because all we can see, feel, taste, touch and smell are our circumstances. But, these people who complained against God for so long, eventually rebelled against Him, too. We must be careful in the sorting season of our grief not to get stuck in defeated cycles of grumbling and complaining. We must instead embrace the promises of God. Like the one in verse 13 of 1 Corinthians:

This verse is often said to mean that God will not give us more than we can handle. And, I respectfully disagree with that conclusion and here are a couple of reasons why:

1. In and of my own self, I can do nothing. Without God my works are as filthy rags and perishable junk. [5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5 (NIV)]

2. God's strength is shown perfect in my weakness. His grace is proven sufficient when what I am dealing with is more than I myself can bear. [And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn ( a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. 8 Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; 9 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
2 Cor 12:7-9 (AMP)]

3. Finally, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. My power to endure any temptation comes from Christ who suffered every temptation and tragedy known to man and lived without sin. Look to Jesus and read 1 Corinthians 10:13 with new eyes. [13 I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [ I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].
Phil 4:13 (AMP)]

"For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently."
1 Cor 10:13 (AMP) [Emphasis mine]

God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what He can empower us to withstand and resist. He will empower us to not only withstand and endure - He will empower us to do it with grace and patience. We must rely on His strength - especially when we have nothing to draw from.


His Strength is Perfect...

Memorial Stones

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up

between Mizpah and Shen,

and called its name Ebenezer, saying,

"Thus far the LORD has helped us."

~ 1 Samuel 7:12

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From the very first moment I could imagine hosting or facilitating a group for bereaved families I've pictured a place for healing, for remembering and for giving honor and glory to God.

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I began women's ministry in Fall 2003. Our second study that season was Beth Moore's "A Heart Like His" which is a study of the life of David. In that study, she taught on the passage that includes 1 Samuel 7:12 and I handed out small, smooth black stones as reminders of the lesson. While I was cleaning up, God brought to mind my son and his continual struggles. I wanted so desparately to help him and had not the first clue how. When I arrived home, I pulled out one of the heavy, black stones and handed it to him. It was just large enough to be noticable and just small enough to fit in his pocket.

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He kind of stared at the stone for a minute and I told him the story of the Israelites and the Philistines at Mizpah. Then I read 1 Samuel 7:12 to him.

.

"Justin, this stone is to serve as a reminder to you of how the Lord helps you. It is because of the Lord that you are still here, that you are okay and that you have hope. So, the next times someone asks you to do something foolish, the next time that you are tempted to do the wrong thing... Reach down in your pocket, hold onto this stone and tell them that Ebenezer says no."

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He laughed when I shared this with him, but I could tell it really made him stop and think. Sometime later I had occasion to ask him about the stone. He informed me he didn't know what he had done with it. I quickly provided him another. After he died, I was going through his things and found those smooth, black stones in a drawer near his bed. They now rest in my jewelry box as a reminder of how far the Lord has brought us.

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Throughout the Bible, stones are prevalent in the history of Israel and the founding of the church. Rocks have both a physical and a spiritual meaning to us as Christians. Stones were used to build altars before the desert tabernacle was built by the Israelites. Stones marked the places where God showed up big time in the lives of the Israelites, all the way back to Abraham.

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Stones were used to build walls, strongholds and stones were used in battle to slay giants. God has seemingly had a purpose and a plan that included stones throughout the story of mankind. Stones are solid, often times heavy and they are not easily moved. These days we use stones to build walls and line our gardens. We displace stones in favor of lush green lawns and trees, and we use stones to mark the graves of those we love. Stones are still serving a purpose in this day and age. And so, I wanted to write about a special vision God has given me about stones in the ministry of Heart to Heart.

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As I said, stones have been used to mark out places where God has shown up big time in the lives of His people. In Joshua 4:1-10, we read the account of the Israelites finally crossing the Jordan into the promised land. God had finally delivered them from the desert under Joshua's leadership and now they were preparing to do battle with the inhabitants of the land.

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Still, God wanted the Israelites to make a special memorial to this occasion when He delivered on His promise to bring them into a land of their own. Let's read what God instructed them to do:

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""Take for yourselves twelve men from

the people, one man from every tribe,

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3 and command them, saying, 'Take for

yourselves twelve stones from here, out

of the midst of the Jordan, from the place

where the priests' feet stood firm.

You shall carry them over with you and

leave them in the lodging place where you lodge tonight.' "

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4 Then Joshua called the twelve men whom

he had appointed from the children of Israel,

one man from every tribe;

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5 and Joshua said to them:

"Cross over before the ark of the Lord

your God into the midst of the Jordan,

and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder,

according to the number of the tribes of the children

of Israel,

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6 that this may be a sign among you when

your children ask in time to come, saying,

'What do these stones mean to you?'

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7 Then you shall answer them that the waters

of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the

covenant of the Lord; when it crossed over the Jordan,

the waters of the Jordan were cut off. And these stones

shall be for a memorial to the children of Israel forever."
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Joshua 4:2-7 (NKJV)

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God instructed the Israelites to erect memorial stones so they would remember what God had done for them, just as Samuel did many years later after Israel battled with the Philistines.

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The question now becomes: How do we apply the spiritual journey markers in our grief journey? And I think for some the answer is, we already have. We place our child's body in the cemetery and mark that grave with a stone as a memorial to the gift God gave us in our child. And so begins the process of marking out grief with memorial stones.

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As I prayed and developed a vision for Heart to Heart, God gave me the picture of a key shaped garden. A garden where the borders are in place, the sidewalks paved, and the plots of ground left sodded, but not planted. In this garden there would be a fountain in the entrance, and trees - live oaks planted throughout, but no flowers, no ground plants of any kind. This garden would have benches and would become a memorial garden - "The Key to Healing" memorial garden. A place where families could come and plant flowers and small plants in memory of their loved ones, a garden the families themselves would tend. A garden to represent life and not death. A garden that would be an integral part of the healing process.
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This garden would not become a place to worship our children, but instead a place to remember them. A place where we can honor the gift of God that is our child. I used to sit upon Justin's grace in those early days of grief begging God not to allow me to make an idol of my child. I did not want to be in a position where my grief and love for my child would stand between God and I. So I ask Him to make this garden of sorts, a place of remembrance where He is the focus and not just what we have lost.

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And placed there among the trees and the flowers, the sidewalks and the benches I see large smooth stones engraved with the names of the children we have sent ahead to His safe keeping. Beneath those names on the individual stones I see dates, not the dates of birth and death so common on memorial stones. But, the dates of realized healing for the parents and family. A new date, a new beginning - a time when God is praised for the work He has done in restoring our lives in the aftermath of loss.
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While this garden does not yet exist, it will. God has a plan for it and I know it will be the blessing in full measure that God has allowed me to dream it would be. So, don't forget while we are marking out the memories of the lives lived before us in our children - let us also mark out a path of remembrance that leads others to hope and healing in God alone. After all, He is our refuge, our strong tower - our Rock who will not be shaken. "Jesus is the rock, and He rolled my blues away." ("Why Should the Devil," Larry Norman (???)

This is my family...

I did that post with all my pictures from the last four years... But, at Thanksgiving I was with those who I am most thankful for in all the world, my family. So here are some shots of those wonderful folks who have been with me on this journey, prayed me through, loved me long and put up with me much: