Challenges of Community

I shared this on the Rendevous Blog at my friend, Colleen's Place. I thought it might be worth a repost here! Blessings. (I left the typos to exemplify my point... Weakness! :))
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I don’t know if this will resonate with anyone else, or if it is just something I need to express. I hope it will resonate at some level.

In 1997 I was a divorced mother of three, jobless, living with my parents. I was also discovering the internet for the first time along my love of written word anew.

I set out to start a “writing career” by pecking out word after word on an internet Writers BBS where I could post my rough copy for others to review. I opened the first comment to one of my writing pieces and felt shell shocked. The words were scathing, critical and harsh. They hurt.

I was not only offended, but also crying. I had put my soul out there and someone – some anonymous someone – had hacked it to pieces. I jumped on and, in comment, justified, explained and rationalized my lack of expertise. The response I got set me in my place. “Toughen up. Learn from the experience or stop posting.” OUCH.

I stuck with this process. I hacked out words daily and well into the nights. I wrote poetry, prose and settled into a genre of “Flash Fiction.”

For those who do not know, Flash Fiction is a snapshot of a story told in 500 words or less. I posted the rough copy, read critiques and adjusted accordingly.

In the meantime I bought books on writing. One particular book was a compilation of essays on writing by secular publishes authors. I read them with relish. I wanted to know what it took to be a successful writer. Mind you, at that time in my life I was not asking God. I was barely aware He was with me everyday. Quite frankly I lived as one only escaping flames.

Stephen King wrote in his essay that he fell into writing in lieu of punishment for misbehavior at school. His school principal assigned writing high school sports columns as his punishment for misbehavior. His columns eventually were picked up by the local newspaper and he was paid 1/2 cent per word for each column.

A few months after posting a 486 word piece on the BBS I received an email from the BBS owner offering to publish this short, short story titled, “Dear John.” He offered to pay me $5.00 for permission to “publish” my story on his e-zine. Today, e-zines are commonplace. Back then – they were not. The name of the internet magazine was Fish Eggs for the Soul. I sent my agreement and a few days later cashed a check for $5.00. I had arrived. I was now a paid-for-publication writer. I had even earned more per word for my first paid gig than Stephen King. (Can you see the smug grin on my face?)

My writing career has grossed $5.00 to date. I still write, but I don’t know if my end goal is publication, wealth and fame any longer. Those things would be nice, but not nearly as beneficial as the life that might be changed by reading how God has worked in my life. You see what I know now is how He has taken the weakest moments of my depraved existence and turned them for my good and His glory.

I am grateful for those months in 1997 when I posted my heart out writing about the nonsense ideals of a hopeless romantic longing to be loved. It toughened my skin to the criticism and helped me to see that the risk and reward often are measured by the end result in my life – not the paycheck or payoff that may or may not be fleeting.

I’m not afraid to put my opinion out there for the world to read. I’m no longer offended when others don’t see eye-to-eye with my perspective. I’m even less bothered whether they point out the weaker qualities of my skill at spelling or writing. Here is the thing that matters – Christ glorified. I want to demonstrate His love and excellence and work hard to do so. But, sometimes the best place it is displayed is in my weakness.

When I read about the “right to be right” here this morning I recalled the challenges of community I’ve experienced in my life. Sometimes the freedom to speak or write publicly also comes with the freedom of others to object, disagree and even criticize our perspective and experiences. My clever thought might just hit a nerve that triggers a negative response in others. I post it innocently, and then the backlash begins.

I have participated both in blog communities, Christian forums, writer’s forums and message boards as well as a live and in-person writer’s critique group with a published author. I’ve learned that if my goal in writing is to express my opinion and find others who agree – I’m likely to be disappointed. However, if my goal is to share what I’m learning in my journey with God. Sometimes, it resonates and becomes like iron that sharpens iron. While at other times the words I write may be sweet honey to a friend’s soul. In the end, the result is the same: It helps us both grow.

I’m grateful for opportunities to share and even find people who disagree with me. It forces me to open my mind and my heart to the things I really believe, the things I stand for and well, whether or not I need to adjust my vision.

When doing a study on the fruit of the Spirit some years ago I realized God often brings people into our lives that rub us the wrong way to help hewn the attributes of kindness in our lives. Like sandpaper, these experiences can either take off the rough edges and produce a more refined person, or it can create a wound that will no doubt take time to heal and may produce wounds in others. I have to choose how it will be received.

Bridal Bliss and God's Gift

I had the honor of attending a bridal shower for Bob and Jackee Hamp's daughter, Jenna, yesterday. I saw women I had met during those first few months of my journey at Gateway Church.

Women who were a part of the Reader's & Writer's Group I had attended in September 2007 when I was a rookie blogger. I enjoyed the company of pastors and staff members at Gateway as well as the wonderful Hamp gals, Jackee, Jenna and Jillian!

I'll have to remember to tell you how I became the queen of Quelf at Tracey's house on a Friday night with her girls and Jillian at the kitchen table.

I digress. Back to the shower. It was a delightful time. I watched as Jenna opened gift after gift of housewares and kitchen tools. Each item a delight to her. Suddenly, I had this awareness:  The Bridal Season in a woman's life is the only season when appliances, housewares and bath towels are appropriate gifts. Any other time -- Anniversary, Christmas, Birthday, Valentine's or Mother's Day -- that gift should be personal, meaningful and a reflection of how well you know the woman who receives the gift.

Here's a tip for the menfolk: Unless your wife has specifically requested a particular household item as a gift -- Don't give it for a special occasion.  In short, unless her name is Julie, Julia or Paula Deen, or maybe she longs to be one of those people... Don't give her any gift that helps her do housework, cook or work in any way. These necessities are better provided on non-special occasions.

I laugh as I consider the first Christmas I experienced with my ex-husband. He waited until 5:00 PM on Christmas Eve to do his shopping. He brought home several packages with my name on them between pizza deliveries.  When I opened the iron, popcorn popper and cookbook titled: "Cooking for Two."  I was not delighted. My response was something short of -- "Okay, so where is the real gift?"

To my dismay I was politely informed that these were the real gifts. He said, "We needed the iron. You cook enough food to feed a military platoon and well, I wanted the Popcorn Popper."

He never lived down that gifting occasion.

I guess Bridal Bliss changes our expectations as we begin to experience the desire to nest and domesticate with our Grooms-to-be. It makes us grateful for a wisk and set of dishes in a way that cannot be explained otherwise.

I have never been conventional, and quite frankly, I've only met Jenna and Jackee a handful of times while working in Pastoral Care where Bob is our Executive Pastor. So, a painting symbolizing my prayer for the wedding was a step outside the box. I was anxious to give the gift, and a little nervous that it would seem trivial.  I could not have been more wrong.

I had stopped by Wal-Mart yesterday morning looking for a gift bag that would hold the middle range acrylic on canvas Unity Tree. With no bag in the right size options, I elected to fill out a card, slip it in between the canvas and wood frame in the back and deliver it without cover. 

When I arrived I confessed I had not been able to find the appropriate size gift bag.  Jackee graciously slid the painting in behind some boxes next to the wall on a gift table in the front living area.

We all gathered  a while later to watch as Jenna unwrapped and thanked each person for the gifts provided.  After the gift table was cleared out, Jenna turned and saw the picture. Her mother asked that they bring it around. Jenna said she will hang it beside the table where they have adjustable lighting to demonstrate the irridescent qualities of the painting. 

This painting is a prayer for Unity in this young couple's marriage and life. Psalm 133 says that the anointing of unity is like precious oil that runs down over the priestly beard and garments of Aaron, a place where the Lord commands a blessing from the Throne Room: Life Forevermore.

Congratulations to Jenna and Brandon and the entire Hamp/Day families. I pray the Lord blesses them in every way as they begin this new journey not only as a couple, but a family as well.

In conclusion, I've given or presented paintings to several people in recent weeks to find the response overwhelmingly positive. Yesterday, I cried on the way home as I considered the response of those in the room who saw my gift.

It truly is God's gift. He just uses me to facilitate its expression.

I took art for one year in high school finding my skills somewhat average. I dabbled heavily in crafting in my early twenties. Still, I have viewed my drawing ability and artistic talent as largely hobby and juevenile expedition at best. I never considered it to be a blessing to anyone but me until this past year.

In my presbytery last fall one of the words given to me was that I am a "Decorator."  The presbyter went on to say, "I see you with this large basket and you are giving people beautiful things.  Pieces of pottery, beautiful things... The only thing is you are not giving them what you have, you are giving them what God has for them."

A few weeks later I decided to paint my husband's presbytery and then set out to redecorate our home in all the Scriptures and prophetic words that have been spoken to us in the last few years. I had no idea that this was what the woman at presbytery was admonishing me to do.

I thank God for the opportunity to bless others with the vision and talent He has given me.


To God be all glory and praise as He has chosen to give each one of us an expression of Himself in the lives we live.  He is my sight, my heart and my hope in all things. Amen.
 

Honor

If you have not read the book Culture of Honor by Danny Silk, I'd like to recommend it.

I've been contemplating the revolutionary community that is born in a culture where biblical honor is elevated. But, more than that it has driven me to deeply consider how I define honor and, for that matter, respect. How do I practice the kind of honor that Jesus modeled and how do I define the terms in my own relationships?


First of all, the thing it stirred up in me was how I treat others --- how is it that I have shown honor or even lacked honor toward others in my life. I was raised in an old fashioned standard of home where parental and institutional leadership positionally commanded authority. My father often said that we could either willingly submit to the authority before us in genuine humility and respect.  If we chose not to do so, we were taught the value of enforced humility and respect. Honor had little to do with the issues of humility and respect for this rebellious, prodigal child.

As I have been chewing on the rich truths I've been discovering I've found myself asking this question: How did Jesus, Himself, express the kind of honor that is a standard of Bethel Church in Redding, CA and the topic of Danny Silk's book. 


INDEED.

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV)

The first thing I found was that Jesus, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross and scorned its shame - especially enduring the opposition of sinful men. How often do I endure suffering and the inconvenience of the scorn of "sinners" without growing weary and losing heart?  If I am honest, I don't. I take offense. I object and unlike Christ I do not count all the "suffering" I endure JOY. 

STOP RIGHT THERE. Lord, I repent for failing to recognize that the first place honor happens is not in a position of authority and whether or not I respect them. Thank you, that Jesus paid the price by honoring us to the point of death, shame, scorn and suffering.  He compensated for our weaknesses by giving His own life sacrificially so we would not have to endure the consequences of sin. INDEED, so I would not have to endure the consequences.


Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. (Proverbs 10:12 NIV)


He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9 NIV)

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8 NIV)


Honor begins in the heart because that is where we most deeply connect with God. Not our flesh, beating organ heart. But, instead our spiritual heart -- the place where we sort out our circumstances and hear the Lord.  It really is the deepest place of our being.  When that place is filled fully with the Holy Spirit of God, with the depth and breadth of His love for us and the fruit of His Spirit... Our field, our heart, becomes a place where not only love, but also honor prospers and grows.  How do we then cultivate honor?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3 NIV)

<sup>There is that word again -- the word my father used -- HUMILITY. Humility lacks selfish ambition and vain conceit.  Humility considers others better than ourselves.  As Jesus said to the disciples, those who have humility follow Christ sacrificing everything in order to so -- considering others better than themselves. He who is last shall be first. The weaker parts get greater consideration and honor than the stronger parts. 

Consider the balance that honor creates. Honor says -- just as Jesus did -- Whatever you lack, I will provide because I love you. I value you. Jesus said, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16, my memory)

Think of it. Love and Honor are expressed as my sacrifice and provide for the needs of others out of the wealth of my own resources and the depth of  my own relationship with God.

When Jesus came to Jacob's Well at Sychar we see an example of how He, Himself, modeled the very honor that He requires of us. 


John 4
4</sup>Now he had to go through Samaria. ⁵So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. ⁶Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour.
 ⁷When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" ⁸(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
 ⁹The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)
 ¹⁰Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."
 ¹¹"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹²Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"
 ¹³Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
 ¹⁵The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."
 ¹⁶He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."
 ¹⁷"I have no husband," she replied.
   Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."
 ¹⁹"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. ²⁰Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."
 ²¹Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. ²²You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. ²³Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."
 ²⁵The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."
 ²⁶Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he."

Jesus came and challenged the standards of the day.  He dined with Sinners and Tax Collectors and scorned the Pharisees.  He sat and drank from Jacob's well with a divorced and promiscuous woman.  He healed on the Sabbath. Jesus came because of God's great concern for people and He expressed it openly without bias and without prejudice. 

When He spoke to the woman at the well, He brought light to her sin without the condemnation and shame that would publicly accompany such an acknowledgment.  He gently brought her to the point that she saw what needed to be changed, and His rebuke was simple, gentle and most importantly an invitation to something better. But, the most important part was that Jesus allowed her to choose what was better.

There is a saying in church circles:  The church is the only place that shoots its wounded. 

Oh, Lord Jesus. Please redeem us from the piety of judgmental attitudes and condemning responses.  Teach us to honor others as weaker vessels and consider the value of the person from Your perspective.

For most of my life, I have divided respect on the lines of positional authority and whether or not I agree with them. I displayed honor to those who benefited and valued me, not those whom the Lord would like to benefit and value through me.

In his book, Culture of Honor, Danny Silk writes:

"The Principle of Honor states that: accurately acknowledging who people are will position us to give them what they deserve and to receive the gift of who they are in our lives." (p. 25)

"In a culture of honor, leaders lead with honor by courageously treating people according to the names God gives them and not according the aliases given to them by people. They treat them as free sons and daughters, not as slaves; as righteous, not sinners; as wealthy, not poor. ... And in the safety and freedom that grows as His presence grows, leaders lead by developing ways to help people get along with one another in a free culture." (p. 26-27)

In Exodus 20:12, we find the first promise of honor - Life. In the introduction to Culture of Honor this point is driven home. "Life flows through honor."

If Jesus came that I may have life and have it to the full, and life flows through honor ... Then the only choice I have is to embrace honor and love others from His perspective.

Can I give dignity, honor and respect to others without compromising my standards? And, if it is not positional - is it possible to offer these to those whom I have no relational investment?

What do you think?

My Baby Taylor has Grown Up

My beautiful baby, Taylor ... 

Taylor has been a spirited, fiery eyed girl with sharp wit and tongue her entire life long. She could win a heart over with her beautiful smile and turn your heart to a puddle with a simple coy look as a toddler. She was a sweet cherub of a baby with rosy round cheeks and soft blonde hair. She was middle in length and weight of my three babies, but she remained petite and "babyish" longer than the other two children in our home.

She has grown with opinions and is never afraid to express them. She is a determined girl of strong faith and conviction.  She knows what she believes. She is not likely to let you talk her out of it. 

Last year I got a note from one of her substitutes commending her for doing Bible study in her spare time at school. She said that it is rare to see a young person so committed to her faith in public schools. Her life is full of these moments. She still has a strong relationship with her first "boyfriend's" mother. He is still a friend to her. They first met in Mrs. Jones' first grade class. He courted Taylor through several years of elementary and intermediate school.  His mom often threatened to trade him off for Taylor, but we never came close to negotiating that deal. Taylor has been his parents surrogate daughter ever since.

After her childhood sweetie, there were not many boys who caught her eye. A few jerks in middle school tried to win her over, but she soon saw their true colors and had nothing to do with them. In high school she has dealt with the difficulties a young girl might face in losing her older brother in a car accident. She moved to a new school and well, considered most of that population pure heathen from the start.  She was not likely to find a boyfriend there. She found a few suiters, but they were not her caliber of boy. Most were troubled and turned out to be interested in primarily making other girls jealous. Her heart broken, she swore them off.  

The last two boys she brought home to meet with us were of Asian descent. I began to realize she is drawn to this beautiful, olive skinned ethnicity. She feels them out by bringing them home to hang out. Most of them do not last long. I used to laugh at my girls who thought a 19 year old's interest in a 16 year old was the worst kind of cradle robbing and completely obscene. They had one word for it - PED-O-FILE.

I used to tell them that in a few years they would see the age difference differently. Brittany has a beau a year older than she, but Taylor prefers an older boy. I knew she would. 

Then came her calling ...

Last spring, she returned home from church and said, "Mom, hang up the phone I need to tell you something."

I thought she was going to tell me some great story about her ride home from church.  When I held up one finger and did not close my call quickly enough she burst out with a giddy laugh, "I'm going to Uganda."

My heart must have skipped a beat as my jaw dropped. "Mary, I have to go."

I could still feel the aftershocks of her statement bouncing through my body. "What? What do you mean Uganda?"

She gushed on about the church service and worship and how she received the baptism in the Holy Spirit. She said she wept and wept and wept and suddenly she just felt she knew what she needed to do. She had watched videos all day the afternoon before on the Invisible Children website.  Invisible Children rescues Ugandan children who are forced into military service at early ages and horribly abused. She opened the Bible and read her verse of confirmation to me. She has been so excited.  Pictures of Ugandan girls laughing grace her walls along with pictures of birds ... 

She is like a bird - seeking to soar to higher heights and not too concerned with venturing far away from home. I have believed as she had confessed that she might be called to single-ness. I have jokingly said that my baby Taylor will never marry, but instead that fiery blonde is going to live in the Ugandan countryside teaching these beautiful children and if I want to see my grandbabies that I might just have to go to Africa to see my adopted Ugandan grandchildren. I'm so excited about that.

Last week she asked if Daniel could come over and hang out here at the house. I thought it was a friend of hers who is in a local Christian band. He is like a big brother to her. I said, "Sure."

Then it struck me ... Something about her was different. She was very nearly giddy. Brittany said, "I think Daniel likes her and she likes him."

Taylor talked to him for fifteen minutes before I asked, "Is this Daniel - Daniel? 

My eldest laughed, she said, "No, he is the worship pastor at church." (She does not attend Gateway with us.)

WHAT? 

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-two."

"Taylor, two years ago that would have been repulsive."

She laughed, "I'm an adult now."

I started to leave the room and stopped. I turned around and said, "Wait, I do have one question. Is he Asian?"

Both girls laughed out loud. My eldest high-fived me. 

"How did you know that?"

"Taylor has a thing for Asian kids."

When Taylor told Daniel about our conversation, he said I was the coolest mom. He said, "She had me at 'Is he Asian?'"

Tonight, my baby Taylor is going on her first real date. Daniel has planned a splendid evening for her and kept it all a secret.  She was seen scuttling out of the house after we went for a walk with the dog in the cutest little shift of a dress.  It was modest but adorably chic and cute. She needed  a belt. She returned home disappointed. NO Belt. 

I offered her a black grosgrain ribbon that I use as a belt - it was the perfect touch.  He arrived and swept her out for a night on the town.  I must say that in recent months I've been very impressed with the young men my daughters are bringing home. Brittany's story about her Michael is equally as precious.  All I can say about Michael is that he required her to take some time and ask God if they should date. He is a blessing to her in so many ways. 

Where did the time go? It was only a little while ago that Brittany Bear was sitting in front of the television memorizing the last line of commercials and Justin was stuffing his baby, Taylor, under the bed hiding her there so they could play. 

I love being their mom.